Forgiveness...for the abusers?
Whatever happened to ALTRUISM??Because we dont do anything unless we are gaining something from it.
In other words, I think what I have done is just to refuse to get into that dynamic at all. I want the abuser entirely out of my life, so I refuse even to consider whether I should or should not forgive him.I don't have to forgive my abuser, nor do I have to NOT forgive him.
What I am saying (and I think Larry also) is that we are at peace without brining forgiveness into this.Your relationship with your abuser is also part of your growth you can't run away from it. Either you are at peace with him or not, there are no middle grounds.
I would just add that for me "forgiveness", whatever that proves to mean, lies at the end of a process of thinking and deciding about a lot of things. My choice is to decline to get into that process, though I understand that it might be important for other survivors.Forgiveness is an abstract concept and therefore can not be a straight "yes" or "no" (forgive or not) there are also other options.
I think the answer is somewhat obvious.True forgiveness is always from the heart, but if you cant you might want to ask yourself, what is it really that I am getting by not forgiving? Because we dont do anything unless we are gaining something from it.
Just, I wanted to add. One of my abusers is dead. One is in prison for life, for abusing, but also for murdering three boys. Another has lost his job. Another has been fined and greatly limited in his job abilities. To me, 'forgive' is to not excuse from legal consequences. Forgive was for me to take control of my emotions of the situation. Even persons who 'forgive' can still do things to protect other children.Originally posted by melliferal:
Because Kirk Wayne did not forgive, his perpetrators, and their sick "friends", have been tried and sentenced by a court of law. They will never be allowed near kids again.
Because Rick did not forgive, his perpetrator has also been tried and sentenced. Because he did not forgive, the lives of the children seen leaving the perp's residence when the cops came to question him will be spared a lifetime of misery.
Because the new user Bill_h_pike has chosen to not forgive, his local DA office will be filing charges against his perpetrator, a youth group leader, who has access to who knows how many potential victims.
See, this is the concept I can't get my mind around. I don't see how I could on the one hand say "I forgive your for what you did to me", and on the next haul the same person to court to testify against him - for what he did to me. It's too paradoxical; it's prima facie evidence that I do not, in fact, forgive him. People are using some intensely nonstandard definitions of "forgiveness" here. I always took "forgive" to mean "absolve of responsibility"; in other words, to forgive someone for abusing you is to no longer hold him responsible for your abuse. If one truly forgives somebody, how could one press charges at the same time while remaining intellectually honest?Originally posted by ak:
To me, 'forgive' is to not excuse from legal consequences. Forgive was for me to take control of my emotions of the situation. Even persons who 'forgive' can still do things to protect other children.
Andrei