FORGIVE????????
yesOriginally posted by bec:
is it true that the healthiest place to be is where you have forgiven your perp(s) for all the ways they betrayed you?
yesOriginally posted by bec:
is it true that the healthiest place to be is where you have forgiven your perp(s) for all the ways they betrayed you?
With all due respect, I can't think of any way that anger can generate something positive, but if you have achieved something positive with your anger, then I invite you to please share it. I may be wrong.Originally posted by Kirk Wayne:
its my anger and the positive things I do with it that keeps me going.....note I said positive things and in a lot of ways it was my anger that kept me alive.
Certainly. Someone who is truly righteous has every right to use anger. However, I challenge you to find a truly righteous person. Righteousness implies perfect judgement, and I'm pretty sure that there is nobody on this planet who is capable of perfect judgement.Originally posted by Koveri:
There is such a thing as 'righteous anger'.
Granted. And I think that's a positive thing. More comments on this below.Originally posted by Kirk Wayne:
I have re-channeled my anger into doing something positive within the survivors community by that I mean getting involved in politics as that is the only way things are going to change by making those who weald the power aware of the damage CSA can do to the individual and therfore society in general,
I would never use the word determination in the same breath as anger, however, I think the word "steadfastness" is a better description of what you are describing.by nature I am a bone idle sod and it is my positive anger that helps me get up in the morning to try and instigate some change,you could also use the word determination in the same breath as anger .....
OSC is also the Ontario Seed Company. Beautiful flowers. But what you are describing above is steadfastness, like I said. It's a good trait to have.of seeing things through to the end regardless of what people think or do and there are plenty out there that will try to stop us from changing things, espcially thhose who are known as the OSC (the Online Sex Offender Community).
It does, and thanks.Hope this goes some way to answering your query.
Originally posted by jacobtk:
Why not?Some things cannot be forgiven.
Jacob where is your signature from? Seems to me that the answer is there. Overcoming pain is sometimes as simple (note I don't say easy) as identifying and understanding the cause and then taking steps to reduce the pain. Not easy, but possible, with determination. For me, the key was forgiveness.Originally posted by jacobtk:
Honestly, I do not know. Sometimes things hurt too much and there just is no way to get past that.Why not?
I'm trying to work through this line. Are you saying that it's possible to forgive too soon? I would definitely agree. Forgiveness is a part of healing, but it definitely has its place and time. Forgiving too early may lead the victim into self-blame, which is not a positive step in healing. However, there will be a time during healing when I feel that forgiveness makes complete sense. It's an individual thing, not a blanket "ok, it's been 3 months, now you must forgive" thing. IT comes in its own time.Originally posted by jacobtk:
But if he does not feel he needs to and if the hurt that was caused is too great, then forgiveness does not make sense and it may do more harm than good.
Because forgiving allows you to do two things: 1) it helps survivors put their abuse into the larger context of life, and 2) it helps survivors come to terms with their own need to be forgiven. It's as I said earlier. We have all hurt other people, and in order to get on with life, we need to make peace with the people we have hurt, i.e., we need to ask them for their forgiveness.I mean, it is for our benefit, so if it does not benefit us why do it?