forging a path
forging a path
- Thread starterindygal
- Start date
honestly, my wife said she noticed little difference while i was going through recovery. she said i remained very much the same for the most part. she said it just kind of hit her one day that i seemed happier and more upbeat. it came on so slow, she didnt notice the change as it was happening. she just suddenly noticed the end results when it started taking hold. i am not sure you will know by signs. communiction is important in any relationship. talk to him, and he should be talking to you.
my wife came here a few times. i think it helped her see that i wasnt alone and that what was happening to me wasnt just me, it was a large group of survivors. in the end we decided i needed a place i could come and express myself without the pressure of her being here, so she quit coming. i dont hide anything now, and she may come and check up, i dont know. back when i was first starting, it would have made me uncomfortable if she had known of this place. back then things werent out in the open, and i couldnt have shared them had she been here.
my wife came here a few times. i think it helped her see that i wasnt alone and that what was happening to me wasnt just me, it was a large group of survivors. in the end we decided i needed a place i could come and express myself without the pressure of her being here, so she quit coming. i dont hide anything now, and she may come and check up, i dont know. back when i was first starting, it would have made me uncomfortable if she had known of this place. back then things werent out in the open, and i couldnt have shared them had she been here.
thanks for your input about ms; i've seen different remarks on here as to who finds the site first - the partner or the survivor - so it's like if the partner finds ms first we get used to reading and learning about it - if the survivor gets on there after us then i can easily see how it could create a potential rift.
like you said, communication is key, and since i also wanted a way to bring up this website w/o something so dry as "have you checked it out" so now i can go right into "how do you feel about me posting on it would you rather i stayed away?"
like you said, communication is key, and since i also wanted a way to bring up this website w/o something so dry as "have you checked it out" so now i can go right into "how do you feel about me posting on it would you rather i stayed away?"
Hi Indy,
Welcome back
My b/f knows about this site because I've told him. He doesn't want to come here. I mention it every now and then and he recoils as if in pain, so I let it go. I hope that one day he feels ready enough to join with the other men here and see that he's not alone, but that day isn't here yet.
It used to upset him greatly that I came here and perhaps it still does, but we don't argue over it anymore. I told him that this site is good for ME and helpful to ME so I was going to continue. I think he's finally accepted that.
ROCK ON.......Trish
Welcome back
My b/f knows about this site because I've told him. He doesn't want to come here. I mention it every now and then and he recoils as if in pain, so I let it go. I hope that one day he feels ready enough to join with the other men here and see that he's not alone, but that day isn't here yet.
It used to upset him greatly that I came here and perhaps it still does, but we don't argue over it anymore. I told him that this site is good for ME and helpful to ME so I was going to continue. I think he's finally accepted that.
ROCK ON.......Trish
My partner is a member here. I think it's affected his behavior in that he doesn't post anything that would make trouble for the mods because then he'd have to put the kids to bed while I spent the evening locking down threads. 
That is a joke.... actually I don't read his posts. He is welcome to read mine but I'm not sure how many of them he's read. We've talked about a few of his and a few of mine.
In "real life" I like to bounce ideas off of people and he tends to gather some information and then keep his thoughts to himself until he's made up his mind-- and that is pretty much how we each use these forums.
I found the site first, when looking for information about male SA after he'd disclosed. I asked him if, in all his time acting out online, when the SA was clearly on his mind in some form, it had ever occured to him to look for information or support. He thought this was very funny. (Now that I know a bit more about acting out, I think it is kind of funny too.)
At first he was upset that I came here, because he felt that I was trying to affect him or his healing. It was difficult for him to accept that I needed support and healing for the way that his abuse had affected ME-- that I wasn't here to try to change him, or try to manage his healing, or try to "figure him out" (like that's going to happen...).
He told me later on that part of his difficulty about this, was that he wanted to deny that I needed support or healing because he didn't want to face up to the ways that his SA had affected us, and me.
That is a joke.... actually I don't read his posts. He is welcome to read mine but I'm not sure how many of them he's read. We've talked about a few of his and a few of mine.
In "real life" I like to bounce ideas off of people and he tends to gather some information and then keep his thoughts to himself until he's made up his mind-- and that is pretty much how we each use these forums.
I found the site first, when looking for information about male SA after he'd disclosed. I asked him if, in all his time acting out online, when the SA was clearly on his mind in some form, it had ever occured to him to look for information or support. He thought this was very funny. (Now that I know a bit more about acting out, I think it is kind of funny too.)
At first he was upset that I came here, because he felt that I was trying to affect him or his healing. It was difficult for him to accept that I needed support and healing for the way that his abuse had affected ME-- that I wasn't here to try to change him, or try to manage his healing, or try to "figure him out" (like that's going to happen...).
He told me later on that part of his difficulty about this, was that he wanted to deny that I needed support or healing because he didn't want to face up to the ways that his SA had affected us, and me.
Most of my boyfriend's physical symptoms stemmed from poor self-care and from trying to repress his emotions (ie: his anxiety coming out as stomach trouble or sweating).
The self-care improved before he ever started therapy, in fact before he even disclosed. The physical stuff related to his emotions improved when he stopped acting out. He did have nightmares and trouble sleeping more than usual after beginning therapy.
The way he described it to me was that he just got to a point where he realized that the way he was living was not the way he wanted to be living. He can actually describe the day that he figured this out. He never said a word about it to me or anyone else-- just started doing things differently.