For those with Male "T's", how is that going...

For those with Male "T's", how is that going...
T

TrailofTears

Registrant
I was wondering, (for those of you who have male therapists, counselors, mentors etc.) how that is going for you. I found it to be very difficult at first, but it is not know and I am not sure (right off) what changed yet. It is however very different from having a female therapists and sometimes the things I am taught conflict with what I was taught previously. For instance, my female "T" said that my self worth is based on the fact that I am human and that I exist...a model of "being". On the other hand my present male "T:" says that my worth is based on what i do and what I think about what I do and a "doing" model that is very "career-oriented", Which can sometimes seem like the; "lets get this boy back to work and off disability" type of thinking. I would like to learn what others beliefs and experiences are.
Thanks,
ToT
 
Hi Trail,
I'm new, you don't know me ... but maybe I can help here. The gender differences in how male and female T's measure self worth (yours and others) aren't significant. My view is that if your abuser was a man, then it is very important to have a male T. I do and it took me years and then, finally, a leap of faith, to trust a man. And why wouldn't it? So, my experience is that male survivors have trust issues wih men. Bonding nd learnig to trust a male T is where it is going to be at in therapy for us.

Best wishes
AKN
 
ToT,

AKN's done a pretty fair job of explaining it. I would add, however, that female T's can expertly deal with the issues of male CSA. It depends on the level of education, experience, and competency. I wholeheartedly agree with AKN's assessment that for many of us it would be very beneficial to work with and learn to trust a male T for the very reason's he stated.

Lots of love,

John
 
I chose a male T because.........well.............because I didn't trust a woman to understand what I as a man could be thinking and identify with. I was hoping that a male T would be able to do some of the guesswork without me having to tell him outright.

As it turned out, this was not the case, I had to tell him everything that I thought was important to share outright, I coudn't just say "yes" or "no" to simple questions that I thought a male T might have the inherent knowledge to ask.

No regrets though. I just wish it was easier than it sometimes is. But I'm willing to go though pain if that's what it takes to become a better and more functional person.

I could probably "click" with a female T, but I chose this route, so here I go.
 
I've had both. I found my female T to be much more intuitive and empathic, but I found I was able to relate a bit better to my male T on "male" issues such as sexuality, etc. Different strokes I think.
 
I forgot to state above that my first T was female. Nice and all, but without the ability or experience necessary. She referred me to a male therapist who did his doctoral thesis on Men who were sexually abused as children. It's been a great fit.

Lots of love,

John
 
i have a female and shes nice and smart but i
dont cooperate with her much. theres no way
id ever have a male therapist!
 
I don't currently have one though I wish I could afford to sometimes. I have seen both men and women therapists. I prefer the men and have had the most success in therapy with them. I originally thought I'd do better with women as I was terrified of men. I figured they would just laugh and tease me, that's what my brother would do. There are caring men out there though.

Dale
 
Elad 12,

Have you tried your State University? The reason I ask is that here where I live there are many programs from family studies to traumatic stress research and other programs connected with the university that are free or are based on sliding scale feee only.

ToT
 
I would just like to share that in the past I have had male T but know I have a female T and it is much easyier to talk and trust for I still have a hard time trusting males professionals since I was sexualy abused by them. Bill
 
I take issue with anyone who says that your worth is based upon what you do. I know some cultures promote this notion of worth through advertising, movies, etc. but it is not a notion I believe and know to be true.

For me, your worth comes from being a part of creation. There is a sacredness to it. My Christian tradition tells me that we are created in God's image. If I were to really stop, ponder, and embrace that, it would probably blow me away.

I am seeing a male therapist. Interesting, though I feel much more comfortable around women, I didn't thought a male could identify more.
 
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