FOR MM- Re: I hurt her, need HELP
LovingPartner
Registrant
MM,
I had to start a new thread here because women aren't allowed to post in the male survivors forum. I wanted to reply because my hubby, a survivor, had the same problem. (I asked him if it was ok for me to post this, he said go ahead.) I remember waking up on the bedroom floor many times. He was asleep, and had no clue he even moved, let alone knocked me off the bed. I took the initiative and started to hold him in my arms or try to wake him up when he had the nightmares. I would talk to him and tell him it was me, not his perp. Could Eve have accidentally touched you while you were asleep? If I touched my hubby, even accidentally when I was rolling over, it could start a nightmare. (And it didn't even have to be a private area that I touched.) But sometimes when I tried to hold him, I guess he thought I was his perp, because he tried to fight me off him. Try a mix, maybe talking to you while she's trying to wake you, and once you're awake she can hold you while you two talk? And if it seems to be touch (anywhere) that sparks nightmares at times, then try giving each other a massage. Even a simple back massage or foot rub will work for starters. Then expand the area to be massaged. That way you both get a massage and you get used to being touched and you both find out if there are any areas that you aren't comfy being touched. Just a thought. I hope I helped. Please let us know if this works for you.
Eve knows you didn't intentionally hurt her. She loves you. Things will get better.
By the way, we don't mind listening to your problems. We all post our problems here, so you hear about our problems too. We are all here to help and support each other. Best of luck to you and Eve. If she needs some support, I am here. Just let me know.
LP
I had to start a new thread here because women aren't allowed to post in the male survivors forum. I wanted to reply because my hubby, a survivor, had the same problem. (I asked him if it was ok for me to post this, he said go ahead.) I remember waking up on the bedroom floor many times. He was asleep, and had no clue he even moved, let alone knocked me off the bed. I took the initiative and started to hold him in my arms or try to wake him up when he had the nightmares. I would talk to him and tell him it was me, not his perp. Could Eve have accidentally touched you while you were asleep? If I touched my hubby, even accidentally when I was rolling over, it could start a nightmare. (And it didn't even have to be a private area that I touched.) But sometimes when I tried to hold him, I guess he thought I was his perp, because he tried to fight me off him. Try a mix, maybe talking to you while she's trying to wake you, and once you're awake she can hold you while you two talk? And if it seems to be touch (anywhere) that sparks nightmares at times, then try giving each other a massage. Even a simple back massage or foot rub will work for starters. Then expand the area to be massaged. That way you both get a massage and you get used to being touched and you both find out if there are any areas that you aren't comfy being touched. Just a thought. I hope I helped. Please let us know if this works for you.
Eve knows you didn't intentionally hurt her. She loves you. Things will get better.
By the way, we don't mind listening to your problems. We all post our problems here, so you hear about our problems too. We are all here to help and support each other. Best of luck to you and Eve. If she needs some support, I am here. Just let me know.
LP
... I don't like physical touch but at the same time hugging her doesn't trigger me at all.