Food

Food
J

Jaysen

Registrant
I never really thought back about this until a friend here mentioned it to me. I've never addressed it but I decided too and now that I am, I'm pretty pissed off about it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one... The food thing and parents using it as a way to control...

Potentially triggering...

I have a lot of issues there, not that I love food or overeat, just the opposite, I go a long time without eating and then when I do eat I have to deal with stomach problems and all kinds of guilt. It sucks.

I never talked to anyone about it before, it's not that I'm ashamed, it's just a rough thing to remember and deal with.

The old man used food to get control. He would starve me for days and get me to do what he wanted me to do by tempting me with a piece of bread or something. Sometimes at dinner time he'd make me sit there at the table with just a glass of water while him and my mother ate their dinners in front of me, I'd be starving watching them, just as I'd go for the water he'd grab it and spit in it, slam it back down in front of me then make me drink it, he'd laugh and laugh...

He'd make me do the dishes and take out the trash so I'd sneak scraps off the plates and out of the garbage and if he caught me he'd cuff me to the fridge, beat my ass with his belt and leave me there for the entire night and sometimes for part of the next day too.

Sometimes he would force me to overeat until I was so stuffed I could barely breathe, then he'd stick his fingers down my throat and make me throw it all up again... my job to clean up the mess.

Sometimes when his friends were over he'd have me running back and forth bringing them drinks, snacks, etc. of course this is after going a few days with nothing to eat, he would tease me... ask me if I wanted something and just about hand it to me then he'd snatch it back and throw it in his mouth and say "too late". They'd all laugh, it frustrated the fucking hell out of me.

He'd make me a sandwich and I'd be all excited thinking "Finally!", then he'd turn around and throw it in the trash.

I can also remember many times he'd take my plate away and scrape it into a bowl on the floor, tell me to get down there and eat it like a dog.

His favorite game to play... the "you can eat now but you're gonna really get it later if you do!" game. So I'd end up starving myself and fuck him I'd "get it" later anyway. Either that or I'd eat and then be so damn nervous anticipating that damn belt I'd just end up throwing it up anyway.

Meanwhile, there's Kenny to the rescue with all kinds of candy and snacks and goodies for me.
Always a price...
Always a goddamn price, goddamn motherfucker.
I swear they were a fucking team!

I could go on and on here, but I won't, I'm sure you all know how it was.

Thanks for reading if you have.

Jay
 
Jay

After reading your post I can see why your "pretty pissed off" about this.

I still amazes me how evil people can be.

I never suffered anything like that. My sister however suffers with bulemia. My mother used to tell her she was fat and make her count calories and was always putting her on some kind of diet.

I've never really thought about this type of abuse before. I have only just found out about my mums abuse of my sister in this way.

I guess there is just no end to what these evil people will use against children when they abuse them.

Take care

Craig
 
Hi Jay

Me again.

Food .... Who needs it, thats the way I look at it, I dread meal times I have very little appetite.

In my case I think it was the boozing that put me off food as anything I ate used to come back up twice as fast. I am reminded of that line from Blazing Saddles where Gene Wilder is told "Man you should eat something because drinking like that is surely gonna kill you" and Wilder replies "Food .... no thanks food makes me ill".

On occasions I do binge and then make myself sick but I have been doing that for years, unless I make myself sick first thing in the morning (not to purge food or anything usually when brushing my teeth) otherwise I do not feel clean.

Favourite meal = Fried eggs on fried bread.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
Kirk... right, who needs food when there's beer. And beer IS food anyway right? Just kidding about that.

Fried eggs on fried bread? You trying to make me sick? I can't eat fried or spicy or anything with too many ingredients. Just give me a bowl of cheerios, I'll be fine.

I dread meal times too but I won't binge and make myself sick after, reminds me too much of being a kid.

Thanks for the reply, he was very cruel, never did anything sexual but hey I got that elsewhere.

I am really pissed off at him right now.

Jay
 
Jay,

I swear they were a fucking team!
Click to expand...
In a way they WERE a team, even if they didn't know each other. The incredible cruelty of your father made the overtures of Kenny look like heaven. It's a classic case of a dysfunctional home environment setting a kid up for abuse.

Much love,
Larry
 
Sorry, I'm being a wiseass today... nothing personal. But really... is this someones idea of a sick joke or what? I keep looking around for the fucking camera's you know? shit...
 
Jay, I have the other problem with food. Food was always my comfort and the way of dealing with things. I try to diet, but next thing I know I am eating and eating. Sometimes I can't stop, and don't know why. Sometimes when we go out to eat I eat my food and then start eating the food my wife doesn't eat. She has to literally throw the food away to keep me from eating it. I don't remember anyone abusing me with food like you, only that my family had a strict "empty your plate" philosophy. I've tried to lose weight several times and once lost 68 pounds doing weight watchers, but gained it all back. I think we do these things because it was drilled in our heads and its hard to cycle them out. I wish I could change, but it seems I have little motivation to do it.

Question about the fried egg on fried bread, is that the egg in a basket I've heard about. I saw something like that on a movie and my wife said that it was called that. Looks interesting.
 
Proteus, sorry to hear you have this problem. Eating too much or not eating enough... it all sucks.

You had to mention the fried egg on fried bread thing again.... ugh... lol

J
 
I dont eat much, and often wait till my blood sugar is low, and I feel lousy.
This has been me since I can remember, not eating breakfast before school and almost passing out.

Old habits are hard to break, but I think it goes deeper than that, its something like, I didnt deserve feeding when I was a kid.

Think thats why I started cooking so young, so that at least I could get my fair share.
I even remember putting my food down and my brother swapping it for his.

So I tried something out, I took the one to give him, knowing he would swap it back to my own dinner :)

Psychology like that works every time,

ste
 
ste, you're smart and tricky :)

I remember one time I snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, there was a big bowl of
leftover mashed potatoes in the fridge, I was
so fucking hungry I ate almost the entire bowl.

Then I was horrified because they're going to notice that so much of it is missing right?
So I poured a bunch of sugar, flour, basically anything and everything I could find in the kitchen that was white back into the bowl and mixed it all around to fill it back up again.

Of course the next night they found out, holy shit did I get a beating for that! But I'll tell you what, it was worth it, at least that night I went back to sleep with food in my stomach!
 
Jay,

yeah I remember doing stuff like that, and its funny how they know :)

My brother would not get into the same car as an uncooked chicken or a fish that wasnt boxed up.
That goes back to when I would take the feathers off the bird.

My dad would take its the rest out of it, then cook it, same with fish, I would fillet it before the meal.

He would not eat anything that he thought had been alive sometime.
He cant cook, and would die in a house full of food.

I love the mash thing, and would love to have seen their faces when they tucked into it :)

ste
 
Yeah it was actually pretty funny, I remember the old man taking a big mouthfull and spitting it right out on the table, yelling at my mother something like "what are you trying to kill me woman!?"

Hey I'm with your brother, I can't cook either! The microwave is my best friend :)
 
Jay,

It's interesting to see the way you refer to the really terrifying times of your youth and then jump to an observation about the present. Do you see what that's all about? You're getting the idea that while we have to come to terms with the past, at the end of the day it's only in the here and now that we can really face things and do something about them.

Much love,
Larry
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top