Flinching

Flinching
E

estuardo

Registrant
This happened to me today, and it really bothers me.

Our place of business had a sales rep come in, brought us lunch, and was making small talk. He is the typical salesman type: outgoing, seemingly confident, personable, etc. Of course, this guy like others, wants to do the "back slap" routine.

Well, everytime a guy will do that to me, I'm not prepared for it, and I NOTICEABLY flinch. He could tell that I wasn't happy about it, even though I tried to brush it off, but I had already "gave myself up".

What bothers me the most is, I only do this when a man touches me, but rarely a women. It's like my mind is saying, "You're alright, everything is safe", but my body is going "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER" (with the flailing arms to boot!)

I know that they notice, but obvious think it's something else. I want to explain to them why, but that isn't the right course of action.

It just bothers me that I can't seem to let that part of me go! Am I being over-reactive, or am I just responding normally?

estuardo
 
I can understand that; I am easily startled. If I am engaged in something at my computer monitor and someone unexpectedly comes up behind me and simply says my name, I jump. As I become more aware of my SA it has gotten worse. I had to change my seat at work so I could see people coming up on me. It is embarassing, but only to an extent. I understand why I am easily startled. And of course I always respond with "don't do that" (shift the blame). I know why I get startled but no one I work with has to know.
 
Estuardo
I used to do a similar thing, when I was talking to someone I would have this sudden feelin that they were going to hit me. This would happen when talking to close friends and family - even my wife sometimes.
Of course it never happened, but I would recoil. I learned to fake a cough or sneeze and covered it up.

This was almost certainly hypervigilance, we subconciously get triggered and react automatically.
Possibly you get the same reaction when someone touches you?

Part of hypervigilance is being 'super-aware' of the interaction between yourself and another person. But YOU are the 'super-aware' person, the other person is behaving normally.
I don't recall anyone noticing my reactions, maybe I covered them up successfuly? But quite possibly the guy who slapped you on the back though nothing more that he'd caught you by surprise.

Hypervigilance seems to get better as we heal ourselves. I think it's born from the understandable fear of 'unwanted touch', but as we regain our self-esteem I think we overcome these fears.

Until we do, practice sneezing ;)

Dave
 
Hello Estuardo,

You are not alone in this problem - I am also a major flincher - and I would say that YES you are reacting normaly under the circumstances...

It has taken me years to understand that the reason I flinch so much is due to the many, many years of physical abuse I was put through while growing up

I still flinch a lot to this very day - even though I now understand why I do it - Most people don't even seem to notice my flinching and if they do I just simply shrug it off with a simple 'You startled me' - No one else needs to know the true reason for my flinching - very few would understand it anyhow...

Take care and Welcome to MaleSurvivor,

TJ jeff
 
Estuardo,

Yeah, what they said. Lots of good words up there. So I don't have anything to add but my support.

I do a lot of flinching, but it is getting better and the person that triggers it is starting to get the flinches. :eek: I jump when ever my boss moves in my periphal vision. She looks just like my physically abusive ex-wife, except her hair is a little darker. It is a trained response which I realize is not appropiate for these occassions, she is not about to hit me or throw a can of corn at my head. That was my ex, not her. I am reprogramming myself to how the situation is rather than how it was. It is coming along pretty good.

Take care,
Bill
 
Thanks all for the thoughtful encouragement. This always has been a source of worry for me, because I feel it makes me look too obvious, or that I'm weak in some way.

In my ever on-going attempts to work through my healing, I see this reaction as a set-back of sorts, as if I'm not trying to allow others to show me they are trustworthy.

This is hard work!!!

estuardo
 
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