Flashbacks at the office -- *triggers*

[Ladybird]

**WARNING FOR TRIGGERS**

On the outside I'm going about my normal work day. Emails, manuscripts, going to meetings...

Inside I am being bombarded by all kinds of emotions and physical sensations that have been long locked away, shut off. Stabs of panic, or the feeling of a hand grabbing my neck, pushing my head downwards...

I will be fully in the present one moment, and then in an instant it threatens to overwhelm me. I take a moment, a deep breath, and can usually clear my head, but it's draining.

I pass an empty meeting room and feel myself getting pulled inside, seized, manhandled, stripped and passed around, raped by unseen, ravenous figures, over and over until all I can do is be swallowed up by the barrage of sensation, lose myself in all-encompassing stimulation that shreds my mind to pieces.

Then I have to exchange a polite smile with someone walking by.

I know I can ride this out; I've handled worse. But the specificity of the physical sensations is a new angle, something that's lain dormant until recently.

I'm posting this only because I need to share it somewhere, anywhere where people might understand. If you've read this, thank you.

 

[Duckie]

deleted

 

[Nothing Man]

Luther, I understand how you feel. With me, I tend to feel a huge amount of anxiety and guilt, as if I have done something wrong. Authority figures are anathema to me, but that is understandable since two such people sexually abused me when I was young -- my mother and a male babysitter. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop and I always know that somehow it will be my fault.

 

[Ladybird]

Thank you guys, it helps knowing someone is listening. My abuser was a huge authority figure also--I guess when I'm feeling on High Alert it makes it trickier to have bosses nearby...

 

[betrayed boy]

hang in there luther just breath try to relax, and know we are here to listen TC

 

[unhappycamper]

Luther: THis sounds like another corny cognitive therapy trick, but sometimes it can get you through a FB or panic attack: Just tell yourself in words--either silently or aloud--that "That was then, and this is now." In my experience, FBs eliminate the distance between then and now, so it helps me to remind myself that the past is still past. Peace!

John C.

 

[lapchinj]

I can usually keep myself calm from flashbacks and panic attacks by cutting whether I'm at home or at work. I carry a razor and tissues wherever I go. Sounds kinda sick but so am I.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope

 

[Ladybird]

Thank you all again guys. This week is starting off better, hopefully I can build on that.

 

[Survivinguy]

Hey good to hear your week is better.

I can relate to flashbacks and body memories at work. A couple tricks I use:

1 - aromatherapy. I keep small bottles of various scents in my office. Lavender, tangerine, vanilla extract and a blend that smells like a pine tree. If I'm triggered but can't escape work - I dab some on my hand or for real intervention rub some on my moustache. Scents go directly to your brain - no filters like sight and sound - and can help bring you back to the present.

2 - Stretching and self-talk. The physical stretching helps me return to the present and self-talk is a dialogue with myself saying it is _____ (day of the week), _____ (date), _______ (time) and I am _____ in this room at (address). It's like the mantra "that was then this is now" just with more details.

Hope these help!

 

[LinEar]

Not at my current job, but years ago before I had self-awareness of my abuse, one of the VPs who I would meet with regularly was horribly triggering for me. We're talking going out to my car to be alone and cry after meeting with him, and even worse at the time I didn't know why. He never said or did anything to hurt or intimidate me, he treated me respectfully, and we got along well. But he bore such a visual resemblance to my abuser...my limbic brain was just trying to protect me.