first timer scared crapless!

first timer scared crapless!
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
i;m not too sure how this works ,but i'm shadow and i sure could use some help ,i think most of my problem right now is how much our courts let me down .i put him away ,now he is out and he is going to get me ,i just know it .if anyone asked me if they should prosecute someone my advice would be NO. i'm 21 now ,i was 13 when he went to jail .if anybody wants to talk please let me know shadow
 
Have a PFA served on him . If the SOB even tryes to get any where near you He will be arested and sent back to prison
 
I can't be there to protect you but I can tell you that you have the power to stand up to this man. You don't have to be afraid, he doesn't have any control over you. I bet he is actually frail and scared behind that powerful facade. I give to you all the strength you are ready to receive.
 
wow somebody will talk to me !thanks , well he's not frail or scared ,he is an animal ,at the time he abused me he weighed about 200 ,6ft 1 or 2,god only knows about now after almost 8 years behind bars .i just can't understand how our courts can lie ,make promises and not keep them to a child! i was at age 13 conned into going through a trial that was almost worse than the abuse with the promise that he would get life in prison.i spent two days starring at him and telling every disgusting thing he did to me or made me do .this man held me prisoner for 97 days abused me day and night for 3 months ,kept me locked in a tiny closet when he wasn't abusing me ,finally got tired of me and tried to kill me leaving me for dead in a ditch . he was charged with false imprisonement ,attempted murder ,and hundreds of sex charges . i found out after the trial he got a plea bargain 7 years !! 7 years for destroying me completly ,i will never be the same ,all the sex charges were dropped in favor of the attempted murder on which he was found guilty ,7 god damn years . i have to say he does still have control over me if i saw him today ,i know i would fall apart ,he didn't just control me ,he broke me ,he owned me ,one look from him and i would be an 11 year old boy again cowering in that stinking dark closet ,this is why i have to make sure i never come into contact with him again ,hey thanks for talking to me shadow
 
Hi Shadow,

I'm sitting here in tears reading about what happened to you. I can only imagine how terrible that must have been for you. Would it be OK if I gave you a cyber hug, I hope so 'cause it sure seems like you need one right now.

(((((((((((((((Shadow)))))))))))))))

I think you'll find there are a bunch of good guys here, Shadow. I hope you will hang around here with us. You'll find this is a good place to vent your frustrations and pain. Shout and scream if you want to. We'll listen and won't tell you not to feel the way you're feeling. You have every right to have those feelings and be angry. Let it out, Bro.

John
 
Greetings Shadow

My heart goes out to you. I have no idea what to say, about all I can do from here is listen (read). I can't imagin how much courage it took to tell us. And yes, there is a lot of us who not only will listen, but we are also very willing to talk to you.

The answer is there if you look.

Darrel
 
Shadow,

I am always here to help when and where I can my friend. For what it is worth you did the right thing. You took a step in the right direction and nothign can change that. If he trys to bother you get a court order so he can not be around you. If he is call the police anytime he is around you. Their are always options my friend if you would like to talk please feel free to post on the forums. We are here to support you the best we can.


lots of love, Nathan
 
Mmm this kind of goes against the grain of what the others have said, but I talk from experience.

If your afraid, run.

Take all the cash you can get your hands on and disappear. I have done it a few times and it always allows me to get my head together, face facts and come back fighting when your ready to face the music.

Im not saying cut yourself off from those that love you, just let the "few" know that your safe and will be back in due course.

You can speak with the authorities and whatever from anywhere in the world.

I got shit from my abusers family for having him banged up. Let the f-kers try and find me in Japan.

What good is a body without a brain, take care of your own sanity first, all else can wait.
 
Before you do anything drastic, please understand that you have a lot more potential safeguards than you may be aware of.

He will likely have a parole officer assigned to him who can make his life a living hell if s/he wants or needs to. There should be a "no contact" condition of parole. Even staring at you, should he see you, could be considered contact and send him back to prison.

Sex offenders are under increasingly harsh conditions about where they can live, contact with former victims or children, etc.

Contact the prosecutor and or parole office where he will be released to. They are in business to protect you.

Ken Singer
 
I suspect that you have more strength, power and control over this situation than you give yourself credit for. I understand the source of the terror that you seem to be expressing, but that source does not have to control you any longer. Be careful, protect yourself, but don't panic.
 
I agree, you took the right steps. I also agree that you should contact the parole officer and or the prosecution. You can stay a step or two ahead of him. I have no experience in sentencing or penal system but its not over when he gets out, he is not free to do whatever he wants without consequences. I can't speak for your state of mind at this time so you do what is best for you.

Just to clarify, I don't think the perp would be considered a sex offender since it was pleaded out. Something else I would let the parole officer know.
 
wow i gotta say i didn't expect anyone to even respond ,so this is cool ,i have tried so many times to talk about this stuff but nobody wanted to even hear it .has anybody been in foster care?i had 9 from age 13 to 18 ,and i was not allowed to talk about why i was there ,except when the real kids .bio kids i call them found out and teased me about it all i was was a state check each month for them .it's funny but i talked about everything with the police ,i told all in court ,but it made me feel worse not better .does talking about it really help? sorry if i'm taking too much space rambling on .i think when you been quiet for years once you start talking it takes a long time to get it all out.
 
also my perp as you call it is on parole with a no contact order ,they sent me a letter when he got out.but you gotta understand this guy is not remotely normal ,going back to prison don't bother him ,he wrote me from prison saying he wanted to see me about some unfinished buissness ,that got him an extra 6 months .being a family member it is very hard to hide from him as some of my family are on his side they say he paid for what he did and i should forgive him .
 
Hi again Shadow,

You know what? You are absolutely NOT talking too much, and it does help. You are not taking up too much space, or rambling. Your thoughts about all this are very important. Not only will it help you to understand more about yourself and what you are feeling, but it helps us to understand more about ourselves also. Believe it or not.

You know, I'm almost envious of you being able to start confronting these devastating issues at your age. I was molested from ages 6 to 9. I went through all my teen years hating myself and ashamed of who I was. I had no friends for most of that time and was afraid of nearly everyone. Sometime during my late teens or early twentys I began repressing the memories because It was all just too much for me to deal with. Two + years ago it all came rushing back in a sickening flood. How I miss all those "lost" years. I envy you those years. You can start to deal with all of this while you are still young instead of waiting till you are nearly 50. I know it may seem like a heavy burden to you right now, but if you are willing to hang around here with us, we'll help you through the pain. We've been there. We understand what it's like to hurt and be angry about what we lost.

I hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of nonsense to you because I don't mean it to. I'm trying to say here that we really do care. About you.

You are so right about it taking a long time to get it all out. Be patient with yourself. Talk about it all you want. That is what this place is for.

Take time to love yourself. You are a very special person, Shadow. Every one is.

Courage my Friend,

John
 
thanks so much i been waiting so long for somebody to listen
 
No problem, Bro. We listen because everyone of us have been there in one way or another and we know what it feels like to not be heard...

Hugs
 
A SHADOW OF ME

Shadow, today you shined
and filled me with your light.

Listening to your story
I realized,it was high time
I got over mine.

I also decided to
honour your courage
by finding some of mine.

Shadows melt away
at the face of light.

And when the light lies within you,
shadows don't stand a chance.

What those three long months
couldnt destroy in you
was the light, that is you!
 
morning star now that was cool !! i love it!i think i had more courage at 13 than i do now.it's just when i think of him ,i don't know it's like my insides just melt ,there is so much fear and i can't control it .
 
You are so brave. Keep up the fight. Luck is always by the side of brave people. It is just a trick your mind is playing. I did not even speak about abuse for 35 years and ashamed of the memories. For you fight this at 13 is great step.
Remember No adult Victims. We are all here to listen/read whaever you write. Please keep writting that is way you are going to get rid of the fear. God bless you.
 
Some of your family is "on his side"? What kind of assholes are we dealing with here? This is outrageous!
Forgive? Well, maybe, some day, a thousand million years from now. Maybe.
Forget? NEVER.
He may (not really) have paid his "debt" to society, but he can never repay the little shadow kid inside you.
Stay alert, protect yourself, don't do anything rash or impulsive. Take some deep breaths. You are very brave. Love, etc.,
 
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