First Post - Hi

First Post - Hi
D

Dougal44

New Registrant
This is my first post at MS. I've spent a couple of days reading through the forums and have found them enlightening and educational. The sexual abuse of men doesn't even register on the radar here in OZ.
I hope I don't say anything triggering here - not sure that I quite understand the concept.
I'm here partly due to a marriage separation a few weeks back. My wife complained there was not enought intimacy in the relationship. A few days after she left, I woke up from a dream and suddenly it was clear - my mother had been inhabiting our relationship, like a brown fog, probably from the start. A couple of days later the word 'incest' slipped into my mind: 'But my mother never molested me.' I replied. There were things that happened - over many years - but no one ever physically abused me.
I still don't really feel that I was a victim although what I've read says that physical abuse doesn't have to happen for it to be abuse.
Strangely the first three years of my marriage was taken up with dealing with my wifes incest scars.
 
Hi, I too have found that just reading the posts can be therapeutic. Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
 
mic hunter in abused boys comments that covert abuse is the most damaging, because it is carried out in hidden, sneaky ways. it leaves the victim questioning whether it was even abuse. certainly, an inability to be truly intimate is one effect. i've also learned to trust my inner voice, if it is feeling abused, likely it was abuse.

anyway, welcome. i'm sorry your wife and you are having problems. i hope you find what you need.

jeff
 
Dougal44,

I spent time lurking and reading before I finally posted, too. Months, actually.

Maybe somewhere inside you is the realization that it was abuse. After all, you did come here. I wish you didn't need to seek such a place. I wish I hadn't needed it. But I'm so glad that it's here for we who do need it.

There is hope, and perhaps your wife's experience will help her to understand your own.

Keep looking for resources. Check Mike Lew\'s site at www.nextstepcounseling.org; contact Survivors of Incest Anonymous , www.siawso.org. Each of those sites has international resources.

Hang in there. It hurts like hell sometimes, but it's worth it. Life can be good.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Sexual abuse comes in many forms--my personal opinion.
Talking to a child about sexual realities at an early age, talking to a person abouot their sexual organs, nudity, even if it appears to be "accidental", accidental touching of another person, showing porn to a kid, somekinds of kissing and hugging--the list can go on and on. Betrayal and violation are two key words for me. If we feel violated, even a little, I would think that this is abuse.

I hope you and your wife can work this out and be even closer in the future. Welcome.

Bob
 
Welcome Dougal,

Abuse comes in a lot of forms: physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect. Two or more do not need to be connected. Abused is abused, whether it is one or more than one type and times.

Take care of yourself. Work through your issues with it. I hope this makes your marriage stronger.

Take care,
Bill
 
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