First day here - survivor of sexual abuse

Sbsbill

New Registrant
Hello,

Abused from 5 to 10, now 56 and the tough thing is, it was by my female babysitter. I've gone through life not realizing the ramifications it had on me at such an early age and since becoming sober - 13 months now, I'm trying to understand how this changed my perception of sex and especially of women.

My entire life from 5 has been about sex with women. I was having oral sex at 5 and then started performing it on her shortly afterwards. Once the abuse stopped, which all I could imagine was sex. It's destroyed my life. It's destroying my 5-year-old marriage and my wife knows all about my past, she was my high school sweetheart that I cheated on 39 years ago. She was the first person I ever told that I was sexually abused and that was only a couple years ago. I'm not sure where to turn. I haven't found any other male that was sexually abused by a female outside of their family and feel lost. Any insight, suggestions, help would really be appreciated.
 

ODAT

Registrant
Hello Sbsbill,
I’m sorry you went through that and am sure others here will respond. I was abused at 8 and then sexualized. Looking at porn by 10. Masturbating every day as soon as I discovered it. Everything was about sex and it distorted the lens of the little 8 year old me for the rest of my life. I’m struggling in my marriage and my wife of 17 years has just joined SAnon. It’s funny but until I started therapy I never thought of myself as a sex addiction. But that’s what being sexualized at 8 turned me into and I was the last to know it. Keep reaching out. There’s some great people to help you here.
 

The Bluefoot

Registrant
Welcome you have found us.. and your healing journey has started. I was sexual abused by many different people started at age 6.5 and ended at 17.5 years of age. (Trigger warning) When I was 9.5 the girl babysitter who watched me ever few weeks while my parents would go to the opera.

The babysitter and her friends would hold me down pull off my jeans and underwear and use a carrot like a dildo as I cried and begged for mercy. This went on for 2 or 3 months. Then the babysitter watched as her BF rapped me.

Read some of my stories. Post when you are ready, ask questions and we all will help each other. And welcome again.
 
Last edited:

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Welcome Sbsbill

It looks like several have already shared their struggles with too early sexualization and Check out the forum we have dedicated to men abused by females and you will see your experience is not unusual though your exact situation may be unique if that makes any sense? You are no longer alone. I am sorry for what brings ANY man here but so glad we are no longer alone and thinking we are the only one or worse wondering what a sex freak we are. Welcome again.

Manipulated
 

KMCINVA

Staff member
Sbsbill

Welcome and I am glad you found your way here. Sexual abuse creates issues and challenges for the survivor as to what sex is vs love and fulfilling intimacy. We are here for each other and e do not judge, as each of us have face challenges and tried to cope in ways that were not healthy for the survivor and impacted others, many of also lived a life where we allowed others to demean our worth.

Reach out and share as you feel comfortable.

Kevin
 

Sbsbill

New Registrant
Hello Sbsbill,
I’m sorry you went through that and am sure others here will respond. I was abused at 8 and then sexualized. Looking at porn by 10. Masturbating every day as soon as I discovered it. Everything was about sex and it distorted the lens of the little 8 year old me for the rest of my life. I’m struggling in my marriage and my wife of 17 years has just joined SAnon. It’s funny but until I started therapy I never thought of myself as a sex addiction. But that’s what being sexualized at 8 turned me into and I was the last to know it. Keep reaching out. There’s some great people to help you here.
Hello ODAT:

My wife is not big on me going to a SA group meeting and I even paid $3,000 for a program that after 2 weeks, I left. They would not refund my money even though I had 20 weeks left. I left because I was told I would have to take a Lie Detector test at the end and prove to my wife that I've been faithful. My wife was fully aware and though it was BS also. Left a VM for the guy begging for my money back and then I received a call from the local Police indicating I can't contact the place anymore. They did indicate that several people had this happen but that they could not do anything. Porn was really available the 70's but the Sears Catalog was available with the bra section!

I'm working with a therapist. I know understand I'm not alone. But I know this feeling will never leave me. I'm now 57 and realized it at 55. At least my wife loves me and I'm in love with her. Hope to chat again.
Sbsbill

Welcome and I am glad you found your way here. Sexual abuse creates issues and challenges for the survivor as to what sex is vs love and fulfilling intimacy. We are here for each other and e do not judge, as each of us have face challenges and tried to cope in ways that were not healthy for the survivor and impacted others, many of also lived a life where we allowed others to demean our worth.

Reach out and share as you feel comfortable.

Kevin
 

ODAT

Registrant
Hello ODAT:

My wife is not big on me going to a SA group meeting and I even paid $3,000 for a program that after 2 weeks, I left. They would not refund my money even though I had 20 weeks left. I left because I was told I would have to take a Lie Detector test at the end and prove to my wife that I've been faithful. My wife was fully aware and though it was BS also. Left a VM for the guy begging for my money back and then I received a call from the local Police indicating I can't contact the place anymore. They did indicate that several people had this happen but that they could not do anything. Porn was really available the 70's but the Sears Catalog was available with the bra section!

I'm working with a therapist. I know understand I'm not alone. But I know this feeling will never leave me. I'm now 57 and realized it at 55. At least my wife loves me and I'm in love with her. Hope to chat again.

Hello SBSbill,
It’s funny you mentioned the Sears catalog as I did the same thing! I don’t remember if I did that before or after the abuse at 8. I remember being interested in my body by age 5 and often wonder if something happened before that. In addition to Sears catalogs, I often looked at National Geographic magazines which also featured some scantily clad (or nude) bodies…
Feel free to send me. PM at any time…
 
Top