Finding out what happened

Finding out what happened
K

Kid A

Registrant
The years around the time I was abused are virtually absent in my memory. I know who the abuser was, and also know that his son and my good childhood friend probably endured much worse that I had to and I cry when I see him in the photo for having to grow up in an environment like that. My question is, is it wrong or uselss to want to seek out answers? They come to me directly in fragmented memories, but I feel like for the extent of my amnesia I need some physical facts to guide me. Its like I have this hole in my life and I think maybe some solid evidence could possibly begin to fill it. I don't know if seeking out my childhood friend would be a good idea or not,perhaps it would be harmful to him. I also don't know how I'd even go about this, google didn't find him.
 
Good intentions can only hurt so much.......as long as no force is involved.

Do you know for sure that they were abused?
 
Just be tactful if you find them. I have presumptions relating to other people within my town... think they are victims/survivors. Some I know are because of what the ******* said all those years ago. Never used names of his 'friends' but the descriptions are in my mind.... ' a nice man that joined the army, married a lovely woman and had two very nice children'....implying that what we were doing would ensure that I would also have a lovely family of my own.

Best wishes ....Rik
 
Kid A,

It isn't wrong to want answers, especially on a topic like CSA. But if you want to seek out your friend I would say try to be clear in your own mind about what it is you want from this. It was a long time ago, and of course as we grow we all change.

You should also ask yourself if you are far enough along in your recovery to take a big shock if there is one waiting for you. If you have such fragmentary memories this may well be the case. That is, the question isn't just whether it will be harmful to your friend, but also whether it could cause you problems as well.

If you do find your friend I would not jump right into the subject of abuse. Get reacquainted first, and you might pick up signals that he is or is not willing or ready to open up that can of worms. It's good to recall that while you have been preparing for this, he is being caught completely by surprise.

There are other ways to find people on the net apart from Google. One is a site called peoplefinders.com. You have to pay to get complete details, but often their free search will narrow things down very usefully for you.

Much love,
Larry
 
i gotta say if you open the door to your past you may not be able to close it again ,there were so many things i didn't remember ,just be ready for things you might not want to remember adam
 
web page Do I have the right to??

Kid A it is never easey to go into others lives and ask ? about sexual abuse. I am in the middle of doing the same thing . Above is a post I started on this. There are some good replys.

I think it is important that you move forward to find peace in you life. Tom
 
Kid A the link to my post didn't work. I will bring it back up so you can read the replys from the guys. Tom
 
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