Finding my voice

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Finding my voice

Last week at my support group, I shared some things that I never tell anyone.

I overanaylze everything. I wanted to say something but then I didn't. What will they think if I tell them this?

The first time, I kept quiet. It's safer that way. What they don't know, they can't use against you.

This time, I wanted to speak and yet I was so scared of opening my mouth.

I did talk. I said the things I don't say. Told what I don't tell. And sat there shaking in fear of a reaction. That they wouldn't understand.

I got a couple of people who identified. That made it easier. But now I wonder what they think of what I said. Like I said, I over analyze.

Days later, I am still wondering. I never shared before with people I would have to see again.

I know it is probably all in my head. That they probably don't think I am crazy. But the fear is still there.

I found my voice, but I really wish I had kept quiet. This is a big damn risk. I want to call the facilitator and ask if what I said was OK. I think it was. But I always doubt myself when I talk from my heart, from my truth.

No one believed before. Why would they now?
 
Congratulations on finding your voice. that is a wonderful step, and I doubt the people in you group thought you crazy. They just probably admired the courage you had to speak your truth. Give yourself a break and see the courage you showed in the group. You probably spoke things others wished they were able to share.
 
When you find yourself needing something from others, do yourself a favour, give yourself exactly the same thing, be it approval or simply love.

This would not only make you self confident, but also reduce your external dependency, and above all, allow you to express more openly in future.

As a start, each time you finish doing something you like or enjoy, tell yourself: ITS OK!

Giving yourself the permission to be yourself is the biggest gift you can ever give to yourself, and one that only you can give yourself fruitfulluy and also unconditionally.
 
Ken is right, Martym.

I remember those first few times in group. Not easy to talk. Wondering what others think of what I have to say. On the last group session we had together my fellow attendees hugged me and told me how glad they were that I spoke up. They said it gave them courage to do the same.

You've done fine. I'm proud of you for having the courage. That is a very important step in the road to recovery. HURRAHH!!!! for you.

Lots of love,

John
 
Martym,

No one believed before. Why would they now?
Because what you are saying is true. Because there is greater awareness now. Because our fears that we WON'T be believed just come from our childhood fears and the abuser's lies anyway.

Much love,
Larry
 
Adding on to what Larry said, you'll be believed because everybody else in the group KNOWS, in their very guts, what the truth of SA looks like.

The particulars of our stories may vary, but the Truth of what was done to us and how it messed up our lives is a common thread.

I honor your courage, Martym.
 
Your courage to find your voice is admired. I'm sure you were believed. As for crazy ... no, just hurt and suffering.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Martym,

I may be wrong, but most of the time, when people don't believe, it is because they choose not to believe. Believing a lie is less painfun than accepting the truth. The people in your group can believe you because they have already accepted thier own reality.

Hope this helps

Love ya

Darrel
 
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