Finding Me May Trigger

Finding Me May Trigger
R

reality2k4

Registrant
He is there somewhere, someplace in my mind.
He sees life as something left behind.

The World is no longer his any more, it never was, because his World was taken away.

Yeah, I try to write stuff, and sometimes it makes no sense to me, so why? Should it mean anything to anyone else, and how would anyone understand me outside of here.

He locks his mind to present events, and numbs out the past because nobody ever listens to him.

I just have to stop hurting me, becaus it was maybe not my fault, but somehow, I have to take the blame for being me, and not being strong.

Some times I am OK, and sometimes I drift into despair, and I hate it, so much!

I hate it because it has ruined my life, and it really has banged so much on me, it keeps coming back.

I just wish I could be normal, and know how normal ppl think and figure things out in life.

I wish one day,

ste
 
Wow! I think what you are describing is similar to how I often felt - like was in the world, but also separated from it. I get into my own head alot and the world passes by...like looking away from your TV for a few minutes (not disassociation) just a busy mind, then I come back. I'm not triggered or lapsing, just thinking. Generally, about me, but it makes life seem like a movie that you are watching, but not in yourself. Does that should strange? Being here makes me feel connected to others though.
 
I daydream a lot. Sometimes when I am trying to write a hard post on here, I will find that I have daydreamed away whole hours, instead of typing the post.
 
It's a description of my feelings. Most of the time, I think my life ended in the past, and since then I have not been able to live a normal life. I often try to go to when I was just a child living in the world of his own. I realize, while reading this thread, that I equally fail to get back the lost life, and what I do it blocking the reality.

Nay! I should accept my current self with its weaknesses and hurts. There is much in this life for which I can live. In rare moments free of dreaming I can see who I am, but then I feel the heaviness and simplicity of being. This is a form of depression, I think. There are other moments when I am inspired and I am a good friend to me the child. These moments give lots of courage for the prospect of surviving. OK, we should accept the truth.

Thank you, reality2k4, The Seeker, lostcowboy, and the others who learned, with the help of other men, to live the life they have created. You make it feel more real.
 
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