Finally Told My Wife!!!

Finally Told My Wife!!!
B

bkeithb

Registrant
Brothers,

After sharing with you yesterday that I've decided to stop avoiding my SA past and am returning to this brotherhood of Survivors, I made another decision.

I decided to share my SA with my wife.

This was a huge step for me. I do not believe I can really begin healing until I did this. Since I had a meeting that would last late (11 pm), I took the story I wrote (in survivor's stories) and printed it off. I placed it under her alarm clock and before leaving, told her that it was there and to read it before going to bed. I told her that if she wanted to stay up to talk about it, we could.

She fell asleep ... but woke up when I came in. We talked for several hours. She is wonderful! She loves me and supports me.

Of course she is just beginning to join me on my roller-coaster ride of recovery. She has questions. She had a range of emotions last night (sadness, anger, etc.). But the important thing is that I now have her by my side in this process. I don't have to carry it alone anymore.

Of course, I had all of you and MS carrying it with me. For this I give thanks! But it means the world to me to have my wife now along for the ride.

I am referring her to the "Friends and Family" section of MS so she can talk things through with others as well. I know she will find the help and support she needs as well.

Thanks again to all of you for your support! Couldn't have done it without your encouragement.
 
Keith,

Welcome back to the brotherhood of survivors. Glad U tols her. Along time coming. sent u a PM already

Healing_Inside
 
bkeith - I can sense the taste of freedom after telling your wife!!! That secretkeeping's a pain in the ***!!! :mad:

Howard
 
Yes it is a pain in the ****!!!!

I've kept it bottled up for over 30 years. It is freeing indeed!

However, I'm not kidding myself. This is a beginning. I expect her to have lots of emotional hurdles in the next few weeks. Lots of questions. I am referring her to the Friends & Family section to get support.

Also, is there a book any would recommend for husbands & wives to read together?
 
It's GREAT that you told your wife and she is standing by you. I must admit I'm jealous...but, I have the friends here to stand with me...and if my wife ever decides to open her eyes, mind and heart to what really happened, maybe she'll decide the same.

But, I didn't come to rain on your parade...I wanted to offer advice on a book. I just finished reading Beyond Betrayal (Richard Gartner's book). I found it VERY helpful for me and there is a section for spouses and family (but it also encourages them to read the whole book). I plan to give a copy to my wife soon...with a letter like yours. But, I have to wait for her to be ready. She would still think this is all a ploy to keep her from leaving me...that's what she basically told me back in February when I finally disclosed.

Anyway, I highly recommend the book. May God bless you and your wife!
tx
 
Congratulations!!

I told my wife before we got married, but this was a direct result of me not telling my ex and that relationship went straight into the toilet.

Little did I know that her history woud both dwarf mine and force me to re-examine my abuse.

But I have never felt more positive than when I told her. And nothing bad happened.
 
Thanks for the book recommendation, Tx_Space. I'll look it up and get it.

Also, I hope and pray things work out for you and your wife!
 
keith, is it not the nicest feeling to lose that burden.
A huge chunk of misery has been lifted off your shoulders,

ste
 
STE,

Yes, a nice feeling indeed, as you and others told me it would be. Thanks for all the support.

At the same time, I can't help but feel that I've placed some of this burden on my wife's shoulders now. For that, I feel somewhat badly. But she assured me last night that she signed up "for better or worse" and will stand by me.

I'm a gratefully lucky man to have her!
 
Keith
I told my wife just days before our 25th wedding anniversary, some present eh?

As it turned out it was the best present I could ever have given her.
I gave her my trust, and eventually the man she thought she married.

Dave
 
Lloydy,

Appreciate these encouraging words. This appears to be the way she's taking it - as if I've given her a gift of some sort.

For me, it's difficult to see it that way. I see it as a burden I've passed on to her. But I guess from her perspective, it allows her to know me more deeply and she appreciates that I trusted enough to be vulnerable.

Also, it provides insights in to why I am "me" ... e.g., why I have a hard time with friendships (esp. male friends), etc.
 
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