When I was young I was abused twice the first time it happen I was so young it was a woman didnt know it was a abuse it happened once however the 2nd person that abused me was a male he will come in my room to play PlayStation and whenever family will go down stairs he will take my game console away and start to abuse me this happen everyday because he was staying over my house for vacation but why didn’t I say anything? If I had did I probably wouldn’t be suffering from anxiety, depression, loneliness and a introvert I knew it was strange but I was confused so I went along with it cause I thought it was like a “game” if that makes sense.... once he went back home I was confused something in me got triggered sexually at such a young age I wanted to feel that feeling that pleasure so I started pleasing myself not knowing I was masturbating I didn’t know what that was being so young and watching pornography I just loved how I felt. One day I came across a video on YouTube about a girl speaking about her abuse when she start to tell her story I started to cry because I related to it soo much it was the day I discovered I was abused and my pass traumas made me who I am but I didn’t know men go through sexual abuse I thought I was the only person in the world that’s been through this so I became suicidal and kept this secret to myself because I thought people will see me as weird and disgusting I suffer with self confidence and felt disgusting and blamed myself I thought these things only happen to women base on what you see on TV rape etc I was lonely I lost my friends stayed in my room since it happen I’m a private person and not even my family can fathom what goes on with me and just have this guard over me so when I was a teen I decided to download this app to meet friends because I have no friends I met one guy not knowing he likes guys and he said he likes me so I automatically got flashbacks and I thought this is how these guys see me now a sex object because why will he say this what did he see in me so I met him and other guys to perform sexual acts on me I wanted to feel valued and liked cause I thought women won’t like me no more if they knew what I went through so I thought these men like me and this is all they see because there something wrong with me. I don’t know how to explain it till now I masturbate and it’s not in the sense I’m horny it’s like a drug since I was young and it’s ruined me whenever I feel depress it’s my coping mechanism I just want to feel that pain and disgust .... I know it doesn’t make sense but I feel alone and no one understands me what’s wrong with me?