Finally figuring it out

[onlyakid]

Well, I think that I'm finally figuring out the effects of my abuse. I also suffer from ADD and I couldn't really figure out what was caused by the ADD and what was caused by my CSA. However I was home today and I was flipping thru the channels and saw Montel had "Teen Sex Offenders..Breaking the Silence". I was curious so I stayed tuned they had some offenders who were also abused as well, and one of them said "I wanted friends but I was afraid that if I got too close to someone they would have to hurt me". It dawned on me, prior to my abuse, even though I was different because of my ADD, I had managed to make a few friends. My mother tells me that she remembers me fighting with some of my best friends back when the abuse was taking place and then we stopped being friends. Anyway, I think this was the beginning of me not having friends anymore. I also remember this one time I was a freshman in highschool and I was the basketball manager (my father knew the head of the sports department and wanted me to make friends I guess), anyway I remember seeing one of the players outside of school and he stopped in his truck and was talking to me, even offering me a ride I think. I remember wondering WHY he was being nice to me. I guess this was all a trust issue.

Anyway, I just put this together and wanted to see what everybody thought, maybe you've had similar expierences.

Jason

 

[MikeNY]

Jason, when the pieces drop into place on the puzzle, it ends up showing a picture where nothing that you have done since the SA was not affected by it. After all, we are a sum of everything that we ever encounter. Everything that we encounter effects us in one way or another.

 

Jason,

Since my abuse started before I could make friends, I cannot address that.

But what I can address is that once the memories came back, I withdrew. Kept "friends" away. Got into arguments with them, etc.

I hate that. Because we used to have good times together.

Marc

 

[yesac76]

After my SA, I held all my friends at arms length. I am just now learning to let people in. This reminds me of a song by Pink called Love Song. "But what's the point of this armor if it keeps the love away too." This line has been playing in my mind for months. It has helped to remind me that I DO need others in my life.
Casey