For 50 years I have awakened at night with nightmares about choking and being unable to breathe, or with the fear that there is a dark malevolent figure in the room. I always wake up soaking wet and terrified then can't go back to sleep. I finally awoke one night being able to remember why I couldn't breathe and saw the face of the dark figure. It was my father and now I am remembering many, many events that I wish I didn't. It seems I can't get thru a day without seeing or hearing something that brings all those memories back, and when they come I can't function until I clear my head, that sometimes takes an hour or more. I am at the point when I clean my guns I think about using them on myself.