Fight or flight (May trigger)

Guys,

I posted this in the member forum. But realizing that my last post here triggered somone and he can't see this, I want to place this here. It's just a realization.

This is something I have realized over this last week.

In my life, and I expect in others' too, I have always had to make decisions to either stand up and fight to the bloody end or run away. Known as the "fight or flight" reaction in some psychological circles.

I have tended to either do one or the other for so many years. And both of those extremes have caused their own unique problems. The possibility of standing still and not doing either has never ocurred to me until now.

When the abuse was going on, I stood still, because neither of the options to fight or run were possible. Once I was an adult, I realized I had those options. To run or fight. To stand still was just too dangerous, so I had to resort to one or the other of the options. Now that I could run. Or now that I was big enough to fight back, I took those options.

But, looking at it again reminds me I AM big and I AM an adult. So why should I have to fight or run? Unless in real imminent danger, I don't have to resort to those. Because those are just ways my mind thinks. Not reality. What someone says to me or think of me doesn't have to make me that scared again. Old tapes are hard to erase and re-record over, but just realizing that I can rewind the tape and press "record" to make a new tape helps.

Rambling, I guess

Marc

(Edited for mistakes in spelling and punctuation)

 

[Bill_1965]

... I have always had to make decisions to either stand up and fight to the bloody end or run away. Known as the "fight or flight" reaction in some psychological circles.

....

When the abuse was going on, I stood still, because neither of the options to fight or run were possible.

The flight was within. Withdrawl into myself. The fight I tried and lost, the physical flight wasn't possible due to the threats, so the only option left was emotional flight.

Old tapes are hard to erase and re-record over, but just realizing that I can rewind the tape and press "record" to make a new tape helps.

Yes they can be rewritten to the way they should be. No reason to leave them the way the SOBs recorded them the first time. The COA doesn't belong there.

Take care,
Bill

 

[Mike Church]

Shit now that has really triggered me but in a positive way now.

I took all the physical abuse because I was too young and took the physical and sexual abuse because I was too scared. Then I retreated into prostitution to run away from myself and seek an end at someone else's hand. But when I was not being abused either physically or sexually I would fight at the drop of a hat. I was a really mean son of a bitch. I would fight if I thought anyone was trying to exert control over me or tell me what to do or threaten me. Then I became a total madman. I did not fight clean. I was a street fighter picked up from running away from physical abuse so many times. My goal in a fight was to beat someone senseless before they could touch me. What a sick friggen life it was. But if it involved sexual abuse or selling myself I became totally passive and willing. Go figure.

 

[Leosha]

I agree. Often time we have been put in a situation of needing to do 'fight or flight'. Sometime now, even as adult, I feel that same way on some things that are not even so threatening. And I behave not so well with them. But I am learning, and I do believe that I will be ok. As will you.

leosha