Female underwear

LarryG

Registrant
Yah OCN!

Remember if you feel that wearing women's clothing is coming from love you have all my support. I'd love you if you'd be wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey everyday. (I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan) :) There is no shame in anything that has its origin as Love.
I am fairly new here, and just do not understand what you mean by coming from love?
 
I am fairly new here, and just do not understand what you mean by coming from love?
It’s not likely that Anthony is going to answer. Last on in 2014.

I can only speculate what he was saying.

My take: if wearing panties and women’s things give you comfort. It’s probably okay. If they are from a place of abuse or addiction the it’s probably not healthy.

My wife use to buy them for me until I told her that I wanted to transition. At the time we both agreed that it probably wasn’t a healthy practice if it was going to endanger the marriage (ie she isn’t lesbian). I haven’t worn them in a couple of years...
 

LarryG

Registrant
It’s not likely that Anthony is going to answer. Last on in 2014.

I can only speculate what he was saying.

My take: if wearing panties and women’s things give you comfort. It’s probably okay. If they are from a place of abuse or addiction the it’s probably not healthy.

My wife use to buy them for me until I told her that I wanted to transition. At the time we both agreed that it probably wasn’t a healthy practice if it was going to endanger the marriage (ie she isn’t lesbian). I haven’t worn them in a couple of years...
Thanks for the reply. I guess for me it is a little of both. It does give me comfort helps me to deal with my depression etc, but it also started many years ago as a result of abuse as far as I can remember.
 
Thanks for the reply. I guess for me it is a little of both. It does give me comfort helps me to deal with my depression etc, but it also started many years ago as a result of abuse as far as I can remember.
It doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s possibly a way of you recreating the conditions but being in control of it...
 
POSSIBLE TRIGGERS

Lingerie played a big part of my journey but it took me a long while to understand my attraction to lingerie, cross-dressing and masturbation all were tied to the sexual abuse that began with my mother when I was an infant and she used a silk petticoat to stimulate my genitals. Of course, I didn't remember those events because I was both too young and too traumatized by her behavior. This was only one of her abuses.

But I did remember when at age 12 years old while babysitting, I went into the family's bedroom and removed all the lingerie and masturbated with it. For the next three years I broke into homes and stole lingerie, stopping only when my mother found a bag filled with lingerie under my bed. Three years later I began breaking into houses and stealing lingerie until I was caught and arrested. Over the years I've used lingerie to soothe myself, always with masturbation, sometimes with cross-dressing. I've bought lingerie, stolen it at stores, secretly used my wife's lingerie. I've been confused about my gender, about my sexual orientation and have experienced profound shame... until recently. I've come to understand ALL this behavior, all this fixation on lingerie has been the product of the abuse. I know I'm not drawn to same sex relationship and that I really don't want to change my gender. I am saddened by all the years of shame and all the acting out I did out of my confusion. I know gender confusion and sexual orientation confusion exist and don't wish to demean anyone who is struggling with these questions. But I do know it was sexual abuse and that petticoat in my crib stimulating my genitals that led to my fixation with all of these behaviors. No more. I want to heal from the trauma, not continue to act it out.
 

LarryG

Registrant
Thanks for the reply. I have always known my desire and love of lingerie was tied to my csa. what I don't remember is if I took to it to make myself feel better about being abused by my older brother or is he introduced it.
We had had similar journeys, I never stole anything or broke into homes, but as a teenager I would mow lawns and take care of pets when family friends were away. I would have a key and i always made sure I had time to rummage thru the wife's or daughters drawers. I would try on and lay around the house dressed up. It was an amazing feeling and still is when I do it.
Though I did have thoughts that I was gay or at least bi because of being abused by a male sibling, I never felt gay. Never have been attracted to men in a sexual way. And yet when I do dress up I want to be sexual with men. Merely a fantasy as I never try to make it happen. As much as I enjoy feeling feminine I am comfortable being who I am, a male.
As for guilt and shame, oh boy both with a capital G and S. I use it as a coping tool, and go back and forth between wanting to stop and never wanting to stop. The peaceful feeling I get is so hard to give up. Weight it against the anxiety etc i feel all the time and then see how this makes me feel makes it hard to give up.
 

MACH123

Registrant
Yes this is very much what I'm like though when I was young and actually experiencing it I had no ability to look at it properly so I never was able to do anything about it? I was so busy running away from everyone and just trying not to get beaten up?

It's not the underwear thing so much for me or anything in particular, it's just being feminine.

Self loathing was so pervasive and painful I didn't really have time for much but numbing with self medication and alcohol, which was so easily available, made me such a mess.

Trying to live act think be like "a man," feel like a girl and why was I not gay? There was nothing in any of it that seemed like sexual abuse.

It was a little confusing.
 
...As for guilt and shame, oh boy both with a capital G and S. I use it as a coping tool, and go back and forth between wanting to stop and never wanting to stop. The peaceful feeling I get is so hard to give up. Weight it against the anxiety etc i feel all the time and then see how this makes me feel makes it hard to give up.
My therapist conceptualizes these behaviors as my attempt to gain mastery over what was so traumatizing and so bewildering. That makes sense to me. Granted, turning back to these behaviors revitalizes the trauma which is the last thing we need to find peace and recovery. I believe what we're invited to do is not shame ourselves for the thoughts and feeling evoked, but then to not act them out. I understand how seductive the acting out can be, for that momentary release... but healing offers a lasting peace not riddled with shame. I want to love the part of myself that has used lingerie to survive the sexual abuse, AND to say thank you. I can now care for the frightened parts of myself that once needed this release, but can do so without acting out. We are definitely a work in progress Larry.
 

AnyMouse

Registrant
One of the biggest gifts in recovery was to figure out and be comfortable in the fact, that I am a strange cat. (comfortable in the skin that I am in).
I have to say that I love this line @1islandboy. I look forward to accepting my strange cat self. And for the original post @OCN I like to paint my toenails. It’s a way to feel like I am expressing some part of my strangeness hidden inside the dress shoes in business meetings. I smile when I look down and see them when I am not at work. It is a way to let a little of the freak flag fly and feel good about it. The ladies in yoga class always make a fuss. It’s funny sometimes. Still working on some of the embarrassment when I am at the neighborhood pool. I try not to embarrass my boys around their friends. But they all know I am freaky. I have tattoos and body jewelry. I was a Marine and I play guitar so most people just write it off as “unique”. Or rock and roll. I work hard to not care what others think, but it isn’t always easy. My 2 cents. Glad you are writing it off your chest with all of us.
AM
 
Top