Female/Mother abusers of both female and male children

Female/Mother abusers of both female and male children
S

sparrow

New Registrant
Hello,

My name is Darlene and I am both the sister of a male incest survivor, and the survivor of female/female sexual abuse by the same predator.

My sister and I were adopted by this monster. She hated us from the start - and then had a son of her own. I believe that she was herself the victim of horrendous incestuous abuse by her own mother but this does not excuse her behavior. She beat us constantly and used enemas for punishment, constantly used our sexuality as an instrument of shame and degradation -- -then with her son she so obcessed on him that he replaced our father completely -- he was her boy toy -- she kept a book where she photographed and measured his genitals until he was well in his teenage years. I came down stairs one day when I was home from college -- he was about 13 - I found her wrestling on the living room floor with him and they had very little clothes on -- both were flushed and excited. The incestuous relationship did not ( I do not think ) involve intercourse - it is hard to tell because my brother is only just now coming out of the fog of unknowing into the reality of what happened to him -- he has been in treatment for years but because he would not remember his childhood - it was difficult for therapists to help him.

My sister and my brother and I are currently in the process of confronting this woman who is high society and very well placed. The problem here is that our father who allowed all this was an elementary supervisor and she was a guidance counselor. They hid what they did from everyone because we lived out on a farm - and they intimidated us so throughly that we were afraid to tell and when we did we were not believed.

We are all older now -- the mother - hate to call her that -- -is refusing to take any responsibility for her actions and how they destroyed our lives. My brother now that he is recovering his memories needs good therapy and he is forced to not get it because he is having to use indigent care. Our perpetrator has all the assets in the world to remedy this and yet sits there denying our reality and further abusing us. The statute of limitations in the state of NY are such that noone seems to think we have any legal remedy. It would seem to me that this is very wrong because this woman is continuing her abuse of all of us by telling lies about us, by denying the reality of what she did to us, and by denying her victims any relief even in terms of proper medical care.

We have an action in with the Bishop to confront our Mother since she is a treasurer of two churches and on the Bishops financial counsel - she is also at present under the sway of a minister who was supposed to be giving her grief counseling and who has used his position and her dependency upon him to bilk our fathers estate of financial and other assets. This minister knows full well that her victims are out here with no resources for even medical care in their recovery. We have also notified the news agencies regarding the status of this complaint.

I know this is long -- but any support and help that you can give me during this horrific ordeal would be most appreciated and I think you in advance for listening --

I have given this page to my brother who is in the beginning stages of coming into the reality of all of this -- and hope he will come here as well

Darlene
 
Welcome to MS Sparrow,

As I read your post my heart was filled with sorrow for what you and your sister and brother had to go through while growing up and at the same time I was uplifted by you and your careing for your brother so much - you are a person with a real good heart and I'm glad to welcome you here

I myself am a male survivor who had to live through 18+ years of physical and mental abuse by my own mother (my S/A was by her youngest brother) - my dad never did anything to stop it (he actualy condones all of it still to this very day)

I do hope that your brother will feel safe enough to come here some day soon - there are a lot of good people here...

TJ jeff
 
Sparrow, I left you a message on the mother-son incest thread.
Welcome to the board
Caro
 
I am sitting here at present crying for the little boy and Jeff thank you for your kind words. I have posted on the Mother son incest thread so you will find that there and I will not repeat here.

This is very difficult -- and my brother today revealed some more of his memories and they involved even more sickness.

If my sister and I could take away all his pain we would do so. It looked to us growing up like he had it so good -- he was hers and he was protected and had everything -- -and then we found out what she was and what she did to him and it was so horrific it makes me physically ill. We had to endure the hatred -- he had to survive the sick distortion of love that is incest -- our pain was much more clearcut -- his is so difficult to get through and to realize -- and to endure the shame and guilt and pain.

Every day is a new day and he is my hero because he is surviving and coming through this with spirit and still with love enduring in his heart -- and this is how I feel about all here and my respect and love goes out to you.

Darlene
 
Sparrow

Reading your posts now I think of all the birds that were out this morning building nests...

That's what happens here at MS, we are building a safe place one "twig" at a time... you are important here. Every voice is important here. Welcome.

In just that way, every act of love and caring that you give to your brother is like a tuft of grass or a twig-- he may be too fragile now to handle all the love you have to give him at once but he can pick up those little bits and use them to weave a comfortable shelter from the pain.

Take good care of yourself,
SAR
 
Here is a website that I found that really helped me to understand some things -- -just passing it on
https://www.aest.org.uk/survivors/index.html

Our latest appeal:

Dear Bishop Fisher,

As a personal note I want to say that I am sorry if this situation is difficult. However, as the victims of this we have to tell you that our very spirits demand justice. My brother of foundering, trying to recover from severe sexual abuse by a predator of children. We know this predator is a victim herself but this does not excuse her behavior or release her from culpability for her actions. In New York State there is a statute of Limitations on sexual abuse - and this is so very wrong because it takes a lifetime to begin the journey to recovery from it. We are seeking at least the compassion of treatment for our brother. Is this to much to ask for the abuse he has suffered - Three children, potential wasted because of her sickness and the sickness of society that allowed it. At the very least please -- give a hearing that is fair. Our faith depends upon you - but if you fail us, our voice will not be silenced. This is a public matter and we are most happy to take it to the public in every way we need to for the truth to be heard.

Thank you and many blessings upon you in your difficult task. Still seeking the underground railway to safety -- -
 
I know that I can not help you so much. I had very good family, they still are very good. I have two friends, both male survivors also, who have abuse by the mother, one more then the other, but both I think is terrible. It seem neither of them want to talk so much on it or admit it is so bad, since there was other abuses more obvious bad. It is something about mother I think, and for maybe boys specially, that it is hard to admit they do not love you in right way. I am hoping I can help both my friends. One just is going to therapy first time today, just to ask about it. It is scary, how hard it is.

Andrei
 
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