Felt like rape and torture
deedeeiny60
Registrant
Recently because therapy I have been having renewed memories and flashbacks. I've been dealing with dissasociation syndrome. A few of the people here know about this from my posts in chatroom.
Most of my flashbacks and renewed memories have to do withe punishment I was subject to when I was a small boy by my aunts. My aunts were our immediate neighbors. As I have posted before my mother used my aunts to punish me since she found it "too messy". I was punished for being unruly like any child that age..(started when I turned 5 until 12). But I was also subject to punishment for being "too assertive" or not being docile or submissive enough.
The standard procedure was to dragg me the 2 aunts plus a maid to either my room, one of aunt' room or the bathroom. I was bare butt spanked by hand or hairbrush.
The next step was to give me forced punishment enemas very painful containing soap, Lemmon juice and Epson salts. The pain on my belly ws awful giving me cramps that many times was in the verge of passing out.
At first I resisted kicking my legs trying to hide et. But soon I found that was even worse. They sometimes tied
Me to bed to spank me and gave the enema.
I ther times I was locked in a dark room for hours.
The object of such severe punishments was to make me a very docile and submissive boy. Amounted to a psychological castration syndrome. For a little boy it was being raped over and over again and being torture many times.
My anxiety disorder and dissasociation obviously had to do with that. I was left in my room to wait for the punishment and I grew anxious just waiting for the to come for me. When I was spanked or given the enemas I started to dissasociate I
I my mind I was not there. At that time I started to referring to myself in the 3rd person many times. Deedee this this deedee don't like etc. Something I still do.
Inspire of the time that has elapsed I still suffer from flasbacks, anxiety, dissasociation and depression.
This together with my abuse by my uncle, the rape I was subjected 3vtimes by a distant cousin and his friend when I was 13. A d many other forms of abuse like being bullied by older boys etc have ked to my psychological problems.
Recently going to therapy and finding out more and more of the abuse I was subject to been creating more anxiety. But in the long run I believe I will heal.
Most of my flashbacks and renewed memories have to do withe punishment I was subject to when I was a small boy by my aunts. My aunts were our immediate neighbors. As I have posted before my mother used my aunts to punish me since she found it "too messy". I was punished for being unruly like any child that age..(started when I turned 5 until 12). But I was also subject to punishment for being "too assertive" or not being docile or submissive enough.
The standard procedure was to dragg me the 2 aunts plus a maid to either my room, one of aunt' room or the bathroom. I was bare butt spanked by hand or hairbrush.
The next step was to give me forced punishment enemas very painful containing soap, Lemmon juice and Epson salts. The pain on my belly ws awful giving me cramps that many times was in the verge of passing out.
At first I resisted kicking my legs trying to hide et. But soon I found that was even worse. They sometimes tied
Me to bed to spank me and gave the enema.
I ther times I was locked in a dark room for hours.
The object of such severe punishments was to make me a very docile and submissive boy. Amounted to a psychological castration syndrome. For a little boy it was being raped over and over again and being torture many times.
My anxiety disorder and dissasociation obviously had to do with that. I was left in my room to wait for the punishment and I grew anxious just waiting for the to come for me. When I was spanked or given the enemas I started to dissasociate I
I my mind I was not there. At that time I started to referring to myself in the 3rd person many times. Deedee this this deedee don't like etc. Something I still do.
Inspire of the time that has elapsed I still suffer from flasbacks, anxiety, dissasociation and depression.
This together with my abuse by my uncle, the rape I was subjected 3vtimes by a distant cousin and his friend when I was 13. A d many other forms of abuse like being bullied by older boys etc have ked to my psychological problems.
Recently going to therapy and finding out more and more of the abuse I was subject to been creating more anxiety. But in the long run I believe I will heal.