Fellow Seekers, Brothers, Magic Makers Lend Me Your Eyes...

Fellow Seekers, Brothers, Magic Makers Lend Me Your Eyes...
L

LupinIII

Registrant
It has been a month since my "rebirth" and many questions have plagued me in that time.

Why now? For many moons I carried around the horrible feelings and behaviors without knowing why. They were just a part of my life and I began to believe (with a lot of prodding from my abusive mother) that it was just a fuck-up within my soul. Then one day *BOOM* the answers just appear and day after day another answer appeared.

These answers caused me a lot of pain, but also a otn of relief. I now knew a lot of the reasoning behind the madness. I felt guilty at first. How the f can i feel even somewhat good about remembering SA? I eventually realized that I am allowed to feel good and knowledge is a powerful thing. It was okay to feel relieved and it was okay to feel some satisfaction at knowing the truth.

So why the breakthrough? Why now?

I realized that the reason this happened now, for me, was because I was beginning to seek a better life for myself. i began to recognize all the bullshit illusions we live with and put upon ourselves and it caused a crack in my dysfunctional armor. That crack grew and the more I sought the bigger it grew. Finally in my quest to remove illusions I stumbled over the biggest illusion in my life: SA!!!!

Fate, however, did not stop smiling upon me then. My first stop on this journey was to a forum, who shall remain nameless, that is dedicated to overcoming obstacles to get what you want out of life. When I posted there about my traumatic experience I was greeted with stupidity and well more stupidity. I left there and found this board out of sheer luck.

This place has been a godsend. Hearing that I wasn't alone or crazy was of tremendous help. Seeing other people's feelings and journeys gave comfort and hope...and then...this morning...it struck me...

...this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal...we are seekers...unfortunately the reason we are seeking is a tragic one, but I am beginning to know that the potential we have is incredible...think about it...yes we suffer a lot, but we can see many things that other people cannot....and when we play out our true purposes we excel (as long as we don't self destruct)...why i can just point to that distinguished young gent who boldy stepped forward in the poughkeepsie journal to tell his story and fight for those who cannot...

.....it is through this place that I have begun to understand that the evil that continues to dwell inside of me is there ebcause i allow it to be..and the pain I am going through is actually getting rid of a lot of that crap...getting the evil out, as much as i can...I can feel real magic inside of me, but I am so afraid of it...so afraid of things going well...so afraid of success that I continue to sabotage myself...but it is me...my evil...it was put there when i was a child by fucked up people...but as an adult I have become its caretaker..i am the one with the key....and this portal is helping me take another turn at the lock...

...so thank you all. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for sharing your journeys. Thank you for being my friend and giving me support. I had a burning desire to share this with someone this morning and I wanted to share it with you.
 
Your welcome, brother Lupin.

And you keep posting, keep talking, and keep trying to hear what the little you is saying. He needs to be heard and he needs to be well looked-after.

And I know you're doing both. :)

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Holy Shit, Bat Man, have you hit the nail right on the head...mine actually.
We must be tapped into the same stream this morning.
The thought just occurred to me that this is indeed a starting place. That it couldnt have happened at a better time in my lifejust a year ago, now, come Thursday, the 18th of March.

A Portal, thats a good one. If you dont mind, Ill use that instead of starting place.
Yes, its a portal to come to, to gather what information that we can, and , to pass through.
Great imageyes, Ill use that if thats ok with you?

I was thinking that this place couldnt have happened to me at a better time. Well, I was ready a million years ago, but all of the stars were not lined up, yet.
I dont know if this therapist would have been as knowledgeable or if I would have been as receptive. All I know is that all of this came into play at just the right time for me.
Kinda like that thing of, Today, is the first day of the rest of your life.
Couldnt be truer for me. The guys here, therapy, age, relationship with Ranata, the starsya, it couldnt be better. So, I tell myself, I better get going.

You see, I dont usually talk to myself like that. Its more along the line of, What a shit pile, youll never amount to anything. Look what youve been thinking about, what if others knew what you think about? Sound familiar?

Well, I dont know what the break through has been but it helps to talk to my therapist about the evil Ive felt was mine, and not lay it on those who put it in my head.

Im not evil, they are. Im not at fault, they are. Im not a bad person, they are. I need healing, not saving, it wasnt my sin.

God, did you hear that. Ya, with my religious background, you better believe that I felt like the biggest sinner in the world. But not my sinit is theirs.it is theirs.

So, with this PORTAL of Lupinshey, that sounds cool, Lupins Portalwhere do we go, how do we get there.

All of the information and encouragement is right here. What we do with it is up to usyou and me. With your guys help, Ill make itand so will you.

Peace, courage, strength, and with uplifted chin and chest, lets take the next step

David
 
Lupin - don't be afraid of that magic you are finding inside yourself.

It frightened me at first when I first started to find it earlier this year! I now know it is within me, it is around me and it is here in cyberspace.

I've said this before, that spring is a time for re-birth, and that's what I am personally experiencing now - it sounds like you are too!

Best wishes ....Rik
 
Lupin
I looked in sometime early in 2002 I think, and I liked what I saw as well. I'd also been to other places that shall remain nameless and got nothing but more grief.

What I found was a no bull-shit, tell it like it is site that helped me enourmously. Yeah, we fall out sometimes and we're never all going to agree about everything - except for the horror of what we've been through and the support we give each other.

You're right - it is a portal, it's a portal back to the real world.

Dave :D
 
Lupin,

What can I add? You nailed it and our brothers have said it. :D

Keep remembering all the good that is coming.

Take care,
Bill
 
Lupin, what you write here, it is overwhelming to me. Your insight, your intelligence, it is so amazing to me. You are progressing so very well with your healing, it is just inspiring. Please continue your journey, and continue to take good care of yourself. You are a strong and wonderful man.

Leosha

P.s. I am ignorant, but what is a 'portal'? Someone tried to explain to me, but I forgot.
 
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