Fell in Love with a Male Survivor
overtherainbow
New Registrant
First, I will admit I don't know what he lives with everyday, I can only imagine it.
The man I fell in love with is a male survivor (he gave me permission to talk about him = his screen name is thecoopstah)
Beginning of November he responded to my personal ad and he was very honest in his response. He sent a second reponse and I got both of them the same day and I wasn't a paying member of the personal site, but his emails to me made me want ot become one and I did and I responded to him.
We talked via computer it was safe for both of us. He set the bar in terms of honesty. He told me abou this past and this peaked my interest even more, because of his honesty, I wanted to get to know him better. It was refreshing to talk to someone that appreciated honesty just has much as he did. We talked for a while and then we talked another day We talked about meeting, but I was nervous. He said something about no matter what we would at least me friends. That made me feel a lot more comfortable.
We met and we hit it off, we were able to talk to each other and even more so we were able to be ourselves with each other (at least I felt that way - he told me later he did as well). We had chemistry and we fell for each other.
We went from zero to 100 in nothing flat and he had a rush of feelings hit him that he couldn't deal with all at once. He tried pushing me away, but I alreay started falling in love with him and couldn't do that.
He has asked why I fell in love with him and he doesn't understnad it. I see a man that has been through so much pain and torment that inspite of that he has remained sober for 4.5 years and he is getting the help he needs and wants. He made me feel like I could be myself and I was. He opened himself up and allowed me in and he also fell in love with me. I belive it was too fast, but when you are dealing with feelings we usually have no control. We love being with each and we love who we are with each other.
The first time he tried pushing me away I went through an emotinal roller coaster and I know it is nothing compared to what he went through. We talked and we worked things out, so I thought. The next day he pushed me away again and again I wouldn't let him. We talked and talked and he even talked with his therapist adn she gave him perspective and we saw each other again and we worked things out. (again so I thought). I told him I will check to see if he is ok every step of the way and I did just that. I put his feelings before my own becuase he is worth it.
Last night we had a great time and this morning he sent me an email and broke up with me. Yes I am hurt, but more so for him then myself.
I told him I want to be there for him and if I cannot be his girlfriend then his friend.
He is in such torment and I don't know what to do.
YOu may think why do I want to be friends with someone I am in love with. Because I got to see a glimpse of the man he is and so wants to be.
He is very incredible. He went through all the crap of his childhood and got sober and still is a very trusting and giving man.
He is hurting and I cannot help him. Maybe you will tell me to walk away, I just don't know if I can do that.
You may same stick it out, but how can I if he won't let me in.
any help would be greatly appreciated.
I am so sorry if this post is all over the place and I also apologize for the length.
Thanks
Marie
The man I fell in love with is a male survivor (he gave me permission to talk about him = his screen name is thecoopstah)
Beginning of November he responded to my personal ad and he was very honest in his response. He sent a second reponse and I got both of them the same day and I wasn't a paying member of the personal site, but his emails to me made me want ot become one and I did and I responded to him.
We talked via computer it was safe for both of us. He set the bar in terms of honesty. He told me abou this past and this peaked my interest even more, because of his honesty, I wanted to get to know him better. It was refreshing to talk to someone that appreciated honesty just has much as he did. We talked for a while and then we talked another day We talked about meeting, but I was nervous. He said something about no matter what we would at least me friends. That made me feel a lot more comfortable.
We met and we hit it off, we were able to talk to each other and even more so we were able to be ourselves with each other (at least I felt that way - he told me later he did as well). We had chemistry and we fell for each other.
We went from zero to 100 in nothing flat and he had a rush of feelings hit him that he couldn't deal with all at once. He tried pushing me away, but I alreay started falling in love with him and couldn't do that.
He has asked why I fell in love with him and he doesn't understnad it. I see a man that has been through so much pain and torment that inspite of that he has remained sober for 4.5 years and he is getting the help he needs and wants. He made me feel like I could be myself and I was. He opened himself up and allowed me in and he also fell in love with me. I belive it was too fast, but when you are dealing with feelings we usually have no control. We love being with each and we love who we are with each other.
The first time he tried pushing me away I went through an emotinal roller coaster and I know it is nothing compared to what he went through. We talked and we worked things out, so I thought. The next day he pushed me away again and again I wouldn't let him. We talked and talked and he even talked with his therapist adn she gave him perspective and we saw each other again and we worked things out. (again so I thought). I told him I will check to see if he is ok every step of the way and I did just that. I put his feelings before my own becuase he is worth it.
Last night we had a great time and this morning he sent me an email and broke up with me. Yes I am hurt, but more so for him then myself.
I told him I want to be there for him and if I cannot be his girlfriend then his friend.
He is in such torment and I don't know what to do.
YOu may think why do I want to be friends with someone I am in love with. Because I got to see a glimpse of the man he is and so wants to be.
He is very incredible. He went through all the crap of his childhood and got sober and still is a very trusting and giving man.
He is hurting and I cannot help him. Maybe you will tell me to walk away, I just don't know if I can do that.
You may same stick it out, but how can I if he won't let me in.
any help would be greatly appreciated.
I am so sorry if this post is all over the place and I also apologize for the length.
Thanks
Marie
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