Feelings vs reality

[scooter]

I'm sure this has been posted before, but I'd just like to touch on it again. I have been doing work on my feelings.

So many times I am overwhelmed by my negative feelings and I forget that they are just that - feelings. One place that they can be especially overwhelming is sex. Most of the time I feel anxiety, shame, fear, and feel the sensations of being a child - I realized that these are just feelings and not reality.

I also am becoming aware that there are so many good feelings that are present even when the negative seem to be screaming so loudly. I'm finding that if I acknowledge the negative I can let them have equal weight and they no longer scream so loudly inside me. They are still there, but the life giving feelings and emotions are what I am beginning to focus on.

I don't know if that addresses the subject of this post, but I think the thing is that I so often think that a particular negative feeling is how something really is. For example again. I am starting to distance run again. When I do, feelings come up about the abuse. I begin to feel vulnerable and weak. So I begin to think that I don't have enough strength for my run. The feelings become my reality, but when I actually focus on the task at hand I realize that I also feel strong and that is the more accurate feeling of the situation and the negative feelings no longer have the same power.

I think I have a long way to go, learning that feelings do not determine reality and feelings and behavior are not one in the same. Also I am learning to understand that I don't ever just have one feeling about any situation - and I also shouldn't focus on just one feeling, but experience the full range of human emotion.

 

[roadrunner]

Scooter,

I think you are on the right track here bro. As boys we felt ashamed, alone, worthless, and so on, and because we were so young we easily fell into the trap (often encouraged by the abusers) of thinking that our feelings defined us.

But as adults we can place all this in sharper focus and see that if we FEEL guilty, for example, that does not mean that we ARE guilty. Here on MS I have often said that what helps me is to see my feelings as signals of areas I need to work on. If I feel ashamed, for example, I should resist the temptation to collapse, accept the feeling as accurate and conclude that I am a shameful man. Rather, what I should do is to acknowledge my feelings, OWN them, and use them as tools to discover the real problem that is giving rise to the signal of shame that I am feeling.

I think this can be so empowering. Negative feelings become constructive and positive tools that help us to take charge and regain confidence. Once I started doing this I no longer feared to move forward, knowing that any new feelings that might ambush me, even if they flatten me for a bit, will eventually enable me to use them and resolve my issues.

Much love,
Larry

 

[Morning Star]

Sometimes a familiar pattern keeps on repeating in our lives till we have learnt all that we have to from it and used it in our life as a guide. So each a time a 'negative' feeling arises during an experience we need to focus on the fact that what is that I have yet to learn from it, because once it is leant the mind no longer focusses on it and we learn to let go. Sometimes it helps to observe the experience with mindfulness and look for great clarity within the confines of the familiar. We can also ask universe to assist us in reaching that state of greater clarity and turn that singular experience into an enlightening one.

 

[Morning Star]

The Message in Life.

Life is beach, where waves of experiences splash at us at regular intervals. Sometimes the waves are big and sometimes small; sometime we face storms, high tides and sometimes unexpected stillness.

When we learn from a wave, we transcend that wave of experiences, we no longer need to face them again in life as in life there are no superfluous experiences. But if we fail to learn our lessons, we are bound to experience repeated exposures till we get it, what we are supposed to, what we had asked the waves, the ocean to teach us while we are here, walking on the ocean front.

Often a repetitive pattern in experiences signifies a missed or an ignored lesson, that happens when we are too distracted by the life itself to pay attention it and it needs to hit us hard once more so that we get it this time. When we are unprepared for it we are bound to get rattled. But the key is to not get rattled afterwards and to regain our composure and go where the wave is taking us, within.

The important thing is to remember always that the waves are all rising in a benevolent ocean, that is bound by own contracts for teaching us the lesson we need to empower ourselves. So with greater awareness we are able to transcend this quagmire of emotions and attachments to the self and receive the symbolic wisdom involved in the creation the experiences called waves.

With better preparation as in with greater awareness we can also enjoy the waves, while receiving the wisdom embedded in it.

There is no harm in enjoying the waves, the spray and the frequent splashes as long as we remember that the real thing is not the wave themselves but the shells it brings along on to our beachfront.

Life is an enriching experience, and if you want to get rich, pick up your pearls.