Feeling vulnerable.
I have been having a nightmare with Windows 10 upgrade for about a month now. The upgrade and consequent continuous updating resulted in longer and longer start up times, culminating in my computer not starting up at all. Microsoft has been difficult to impossible to get through to, and they clearly don't know what the problem is, because their fixes have created more problems than they solved.
I've just bought a new laptop that is not Windows based, and feel so battered with this process that has disrupted my ability to connect through the internet. My infant and early childhood abuse issues are requiring enormous periods of solitude for me to work through, as I just project all my early terror on others if I don't withdraw and do the work. This disruption and eventual termination of my ability to communicate online has been so threatening to me and has made me feel so vulnerable--the last thing I need to feel as these very early traumas surface.
Buying a new computer was not in my budget. But, not having the communication medium was so much more threatening to me than the stress of moving my money resources around to get this wonderful new computer I'm using right now. I have what I need, but living as close to the edge as I am right now financially also is scary.
Fortunately, my needs are very few, and my next social security check is nine days away. I really do have all the money and food I absolutely need, it's just that surprises like this and threats to my support systems are challenging to deal with as I walk through my precognitive damage.
I'm proud of myself for figuring how to shuffle things around to get my new computer, and to ending the very stressful month I've had with Microsoft.
Don
I've just bought a new laptop that is not Windows based, and feel so battered with this process that has disrupted my ability to connect through the internet. My infant and early childhood abuse issues are requiring enormous periods of solitude for me to work through, as I just project all my early terror on others if I don't withdraw and do the work. This disruption and eventual termination of my ability to communicate online has been so threatening to me and has made me feel so vulnerable--the last thing I need to feel as these very early traumas surface.
Buying a new computer was not in my budget. But, not having the communication medium was so much more threatening to me than the stress of moving my money resources around to get this wonderful new computer I'm using right now. I have what I need, but living as close to the edge as I am right now financially also is scary.
Fortunately, my needs are very few, and my next social security check is nine days away. I really do have all the money and food I absolutely need, it's just that surprises like this and threats to my support systems are challenging to deal with as I walk through my precognitive damage.
I'm proud of myself for figuring how to shuffle things around to get my new computer, and to ending the very stressful month I've had with Microsoft.
Don
