Feeling Raw

Feeling Raw
K

Ken Followell

Past President
Let's see where to start....My wife is feeling so isolated lately that it is really a problem for her. she wants to be there for me, but the more I remember and try to recover the more I am withdrawing into my self. I know I need to start opening up to reach the next level of healing but am just so afraid that I will lose what I have if I do. So I sit there in uncomfortable silence trying to think of what to say and pissed off that it is so hard to think of what to say to my wife of over 20 years.

Yesterday, I had a problem with a guy installing cabinet tops. He has not shown up several time and not the kitchen is a mess and my Dad got in last night for a week visit and the cabinet guy again did not show as promised. When he need come he broke part of the top so it still is not done and I spent most of the afternoon in tears over countertops!!!! Yeah right I know that wasn't what the tears were about but that is what started them. Got into a disagreement with him about the last time he didn't show. He had an auto accident and did not call. Basically he told me I was a horible person for putting my counters above his safety.

Anyway, now dad is here for a week. My kitchen is a mess. My therapist says I should just give up my excuses and talk to my wife and I'm sitting around stressing over all of it. I won't be a chat much because my computer is in the room with Dad and his wife. But I will be checking in here during the day. Life is so fun.

Ken
 
and try to recover the more I am withdrawing into my self.

Boy does that sound like me.....good luck
 
Ken check your profile-private message short but sweet! Hope things get better.
 
Ken,

Your wife has loved you for over 20 years. Do you really think that opening up to her will destroy your relationship? I doubt it.

I know over these last 2 years when Eddie was having so much trouble dealing with the SA memories I actually felt honored that he could/would share his thoughts and fears with me. Often he would feel horribly ashamed of what he did to survive the abuse and would really have a difficult time telling me. He would pull away from me or explode in anger. When in actuality the issues he viewed with guilt and shame just demonstrated to me what a truly amazing man I married. He is my hero and I thank God that he survived. Please try to let her in. Don't allow the SA to drive her away and damage your life again.

Be her hero,

Babs
 
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