Feeling Low

[m75]

Haven't really posted up until now. My abuse was inflicted on me by a neighbour who was significantly older than me at the time - it started when I was 4 and lasted until I was 7 when we moved house.

It's only in the past 10 years or so that it's really affected my life as I head towards 40 and I'm the father of a young son. I'm finding more and more things trigger me these days and it's not good because it's putting a massive strain on my marriage and family life.

At times I feel very low and just retreat into myself and that has caused my wife to think I'm possibly seeing somebody else - which couldn't be further from the truth.

I'd just love to have a 'normal' family life and not have this stuff going through my head all the time. The support where I live is really poor but I get a little encouragement from here as I know I'm not alone in feeling like I do.

 

[Nothing Man]

Hi, and welcome here. I'm so sorry you are doing so poorly and that you are triggered by what was done to you in the past. There are a lot of men here who have gone through what you did and we share each others strength, experience and hope. I hope you will post when you feel up to it.

Mike

 

[Duckie]

deleted

 

[C. E.]

m75 -

For me, I have found I can share at a deeper level here than with my own life partner. It seems paradoxical that sometimes the people we are closest to can be the furthest from where we really need them to be, especially with issues of CSA. And the people furthest from us - people here from all over the globe that we never met - can be the closest.

Lean on us, talk with us. No experts here, no do's our don't's - just a bunch of grown up kids here sharing something most others can't understand. Invite your spouse to visit the Friends and Family section, if you can share with her enough at that level to tell her about it.

 

[woodenshoes]

M75

Sorry for your need to be here. I too was abused by a neighbor boy but mine didnt stop there. Take care brother.

Ws

 

[KMCINVA]

M75

You have found a good place to help you. We are here to support and not judge. We understand your feelings and challenges.

I am sorry you experienced such abuse. You can come here to vent, share, ask questions. I have done more than my fair share of this.

Kevin

 

[victor-victim]

welcome, M75.

yeah, it took me a long time to start posting.
i started out just reading.
your story makes me sad, because it echoes mine in several ways.
i just want a normal family life too, but i find more and more triggers as i get older and watch my own kids grow up.
i can't be there to protect them all the time.
i never know how much is normal teenage rebellion since i never had a normal teenage rebellion. every little neurotic anxiety they display and i start thinking the worst. i have no useful concept of boundaries.
i can't be sure how much i bring into the fight because
my own issues cloud my understanding of theirs.
i never know just how much of my marital problems stem from my abuse and how much is just regular power struggles. despite that, my wife and i have been together since 1984, and we married over 24 years ago.
not much community support in my area either and i live in a city.
so we are not alone, we are similar but separated - breaking the silence, together.
congratulation on making your first post, brother survivor.
speak out as you feel the need.
hope this site provides some measure of safety and comfort.

 

[Hanuman]

I pray you find your strength - it lies here and inside. Best, Hanuman

 

[LinEar]

It is very difficult when others don't understand our desire to isolate.