feeling lonely

feeling lonely
K

klibs

Registrant
I never knew there were so many guys that felt the same way I do. I've only been coming to the malesurvivor chatroom for a couple weeks now and I'v e met some really cool guys. I haven't posted much on this board so I feel the need to give a proper introduction. I'm kind of younger than most guys around here, but I don't think that sets me that far apart from others. I think I'm mature enough to understand what abuse is. I recently told my dad about my abuser and he took me to the police to tell them. I was reluctant but I did tell and my abuser is in jail as of now. It's a very hard change, from being abused everyday to it just stopping. This week has been espeically hard. I'm not sure if it's because I still expect he will come over at any moment of the day or because now I realize that I can move on.

It's not like I don't want to talk about it. I do want to talk about it. I wouldn't be on here if I didn't want to say anything about what happened. I need to talk about it to feel better and I know this. Things are bad right now for me, in school and at home. My mom died two months ago from suicide and I haven't really accepted that yet. My dad and I were never really that close but lately we've talked more, and I think that's better.At school I get in trouble a lot. I'm in high school. I have what they call "anger problems" but the faculty does not know about my abuse. Right now I'm suspended from "blowing up" at my Spainish teacher. I don't even recall doing the things they said I did.

The main thing I wanted to say was... because of all of this shit that is on my plate right now it is making me feel awfully lonely in the world. I do not relate to the people I go to school with and I have few friends. I used to be a lot more social but through circumstances and my anger I have lost friends. I find I'm more lonely than ever now. Does anyone else feel this way?
 
Klibs,

I can relate to some of what you say. I couldn't relate to my classmates either when I was in school, however I learned to suppress everything instead of acting out.

I can tell you that you aren't alone, my friend.
 
I most definatly know how you feel in the needing to talk about it but not being able to talk about it or put it into words, and the lonelyness. Recently I had a friend kill himself and kno that taht is no where near losing a parent and so i wanted to say i was sorry.
You're not the only teen here there are are a few of us and everyone here is here to help you with this.

- Adam
 
I had a lot of problems in high school the in the last few months as I've began to deal with my abuse. A lot of things were cleared up when I had my parents contact social services to have them explain the whole thing to my school. My principal sent an ambiguous memo to my teachers asking them to cut me some slack. They all acted very professional about. There was no teacher's lounge gossip.

You did a very courageous thing by telling your dad. I remember how I felt when I lined up my parents six weeks ago to tell them. about what happened to me. My heart was beating out of my chest and sweat was pooling on the floor. I doubt I will ever find courage like that again in my life. However, now my perp is in jail and I'm awaiting a trial this summer. It feels good to be back in control. I loved watching my perp in handcuffs.

Ask the police to assign you to a victim advocate if they haven't already. They will watch out for you interests pretty well. The system can be rough sometimes but there are a lot of people with big hearts trying to polish it's corners.

I've always been a loner. I feel guilty pushing away those who care. A lot of people I thought were friends weren't really. However, I have a few close friends who understand. Your dad seems to really care for you. Sometimes I push my parents away. I know how much they care. However, talking to them usually makes all of us feel better. I bet if you talk to your dad you will both feel better.

AS for your moms suicide, I've lost a few friends to stupid things. I couldn't imagine the pain of a parent's suicde. Your perp was truly evil to go after you in such circumstances. I personly have found the church to be a good coping method. If religion isn't your thing there are alot of secular therapist out there.

Feel free to PM me with any questions.
 
Klibs,

What you are going thru is not unusual for abuse victims. I know that doesn't make it one bit easier for you, but do know that you are not alone.

I am sorry about your mother. I lost a son to suicide a year ago this month. There is no pain like it. Your perp has to be totally evil (as if he wasn't already) to continue abusing you in the surrounding circumstances. I'm glad he is in jail. I hope he rots there.

Try to remain close with your father. HE can help you a lot and give you a lot of support. Know also, that he needs your support, too. As tough as it is to lose your mother, it has to be tough on him losing his wife. I imagine he is feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities before him now. You can help each other.

Please reread Bill_h_pike's response again. It is full of excellent advice. There are people in the community to help you, your father, too. Please tell your father to make sure you get a victim's advocate. Counseling would only help you both, as well as any siblings you may have.

Good luck, Klibs. We are here to listen and try to help each other while we help ourselves.
 
I am having some major issues with loneliness and isolation - I have either lost friends who may not have been friends in the first place or I pushed them away with my anger. The rage is still inside and it gets bigger as people drop me like a hot potato.

I even nearly lost my job (I resigned instead) because of the stupid anger issues that surface in very unprofessional ways.

I am now all alone and very sad about my future. I used to be a great, happy fun-loving guy that everyone wanted to be around - now, no one cares about me at all.

What do I do? Therapy again? I've been there, done that. And I am not suicidal or anything but I feel like I am doomed to a life of unhappiness and despair.

How do I get back into the saddle again and actually trust someone after all the hurt I've been dealt?
 
Spanish teacher, I blew up at her in the tenth grade and she sent me to the principle's office. I went home and took the zero, when I got to my driveway I threw the book into the garage about sixty feet. Yea I know what you are talking about, however at that time I did not know why I was doing it. I had no idea the molestation was secretly leading my life for me.
I also told my father but my mother took me to the police. It was my friends father and the day after going to the police to tell on his father I went back to school, wondering if anyone knew, hell I thought they all knew. Alone in this world, I felt that very much. Twenty plus years later I started therapy and it was the best thing that could have taken place, I just wish I would have gotten it a lot sooner. Hang in there, keep posting it helps all of us as much as it helps you.
 
klibs,

Welcome to our forum. I hope you find what you are looking for here. You are doing the right thing by talking about it. Just keep posting and talking here. It helps so much to just get it our there, to say what happened to you. It is the silence that drives the anger.

Bill has some really good advise. I would urge you to consider what he has to say. It sounds like your Dad will be a good source of support, and maybe you could both benefit from seeing a counselor.

Thanks for having the courage to post here. I wish you good things. It will get better if you are willing to be honest with yourself.

Lots of love,

John
 
Klibs,

I have seen your two posts from yesterday and I want you to know that what you have done here is very brave and very important. It wasn't going to stop until you told your Dad, and please remember that of all the difficult things you will have to do in the future concerning this, NONE will be as hard as the one you have already achieved. Well done!

All of your problems and feelings are so typical for abused kids, okay? You aren't strange or weird. And kid who has endured what you have suffered has felt the same way.

The most important thing now is that you have your Dad to talk to. Let him help you. HE is the one who needs to deal with problems at school, for example - the anger issues and a lot of other things you haven't mentioned.

Another thing I hope you will do is get your Dad to talk to a doctor with you so you can receive counselling. Not just for you, but for your Dad as well. This will be hell for him, losing his wife and now discovering that his son has been abused.

Getting into therapy is very important, since your T will help you understand your feelings and figure out how to get past all this. A T will not sit you down and start asking embarrassing questions the first day. S/he will want to get to know you first and help you to trust him/her. You will be able to say whether you want to talk to a man or a woman, but talking to a T is important.

I'm so glad you found MS. There are other teenagers here, and believe me, they will find you really fast! Just remember that you are not alone, and that NONE of what happened to you was your fault.

Much love,
Larry
 
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