Feeling Like I Am Being Chased (Trigger Warning)

Feeling Like I Am Being Chased (Trigger Warning)

nightingale95

Registrant
In the past week I have had a few incidents of feeling like someone/something is after me.

I slept with the light on in my room because I feared that there was something standing there in the dark (this is a very old fear, I fear dark places because I always imagine that the shadows will charge at me or grab me). I remembered the one incident of sleep paralysis I had a year ago where I felt something land on top of me and growl in my face...

I was walking to my friend's apartment at night and thought I heard footsteps (another common feeling, especially when I'm walking at night).

Then there is this feeling, this emotional presence I sense breathing down my neck when I think about my issues with sex and all my conflicted feelings. I feel it around my heart and I'm afraid of what it is and what it means. I fear that I really have no control over anything I am doing... I said to myself that I think my sexuality is not autonomous but wholly dependent on other people (to please/impress/emulate) and has nothing to do with me... I think the person I am outside of being intimate with my partner is the real me... that I hate sex and that if I was single I would... probably be regretfully promiscuous...

I feel like I cannot exist outside of this... I'm afraid that whatever feeling is after me is going to swallow me whole and destroy me...

I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know if I'm a liar or a hypocrite...

i don't know how to deal with it for the next week until I see my therapist... I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about it and not eating and taking long naps. I cried in art history class thinking I opened Pandora's Box. I don't know what's worse... finding out that I've suppressed something or finding out there's nothing there and I'm just an insanely prude-ish and repressed person with serious problems?
 
I get the exact same feelings you describe and I’m very sorry you have to go through that. Those feelings are common symptoms of hyperarousal caused by trauma and I would encourage you to discuss them with a therapist.
 
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