feeling guarded/defensive in any kind f relationship...WHY ??
Realationships for me with women(or men) are so friggin scarey and unpredictable that when i feel as though "you" and that could be anyone,are getting to close i run the other way and i am fuckin so tired of it and aware but yet i still push "you" away whenever "I" feel threatened in any way.I am over four years sober and have by leaps and bounds come a long way from who i was when drinking/drugging and i find myself so alone in this world,all i want is to not be so turned off or cautious when people get to close to that place within me that i refuse to allow virtually anyone even remotely get close to.Since i have been sober i have lived by the expression "Being true to myself" and quite honestly it's not always a safe place to be in.Why the fuck does this csa have to affect everything in my life to the point that i ultimately push everyone in my life who cares for me away that they get so sick of my ways and consequently i find myself still asking "will i ever get close enough to anyone/someone that i am not always on guard or defensive and cautious..?...I don't know what to do so i came here to look for help and/or advice in WHY,WHY,WHY....Coopstah
