feeling down and out
integrator
Registrant
That's it. I'm experiencing hopeless thoughts once more and believe they reflect despairing feelings. It frustrates me to be going through this. I've been experiencing cycles, like the classic "manic-depressive" from confident to desperate for a long time. I'm aggravated that I can't seem to experience a sufficient enough of a break through towards a clear consistency of mind.
Let's see, what do I know about this? I'm experiencing this unpleasantness because my thoughts and emotions have been denied at critical points in my upbringing, first by the authority figures and role models around me, and then by my own devices.
In the Twelve Steps they suggest first recognizing something I may be trying to control. If I am trying to control my wife, then I am willing to acknowledge that. If I am trying to control my co workers then I acknowledge that. Those are the two significant influences in my life right now. Maybe my mother, too, since my wife and I have been living with her. I try to minimize my interactions with her, as far as that goes. She is in much denial about healthy therapeutic awareness, in fact, and did raise me to blame me.
That's probably a crucial awareness right there. Part of my experience recently has involved the sense of "invisibility." People have disregarded me on several occasions recently, like in a class on therapeutic communication. Another participant was commenting on a class exercise using a perspective of reporting on feelings, speaking in terms of an emotion, annoyance, but in such a way that she was trying to report her perception of another person's. It was a little confusing to hear. To clarify her contribution, I voiced my observation to her, "Are you an empath? You're empathetic." She responded, "No." and the teacher began disputing with me, "She is who she says she is" or something of that nature.
A whole discussion ensued and I justified my use of standard terminology to describe that person's communication in reference to my relevant, broad educational experience, and that I had merely introduced the word. The teacher, for that matter, had been talking in a tone intended to soothe the whole night, and presenting material in an idiosyncratic, fairly disorganized and pretty unsystematic or standard way.
She kept saying, "Our framework here is meant to address individual's by listening to their model."
Anyway, I guess this discussion has helped me air out my anger and resentment at that situation a little bit more. I did my part fairly, and had to confront the problems other people have.
With my wife, it continues to be a similar thing. Somehow, I think I have been married to a woman who has her own abuse issues, but is not prepared to deal with them. As I discuss my own issues, I'm not encouraged. Living with a partner in denial is an issue in itself. Worse, she's fairly dependent since she moved here from another country, and her legal papers still have not been processed. Part of the government's own dysfunction. In her case, she had gotten into a relationship with me when she was still married. She had not told me about her marriage until we were involved with each other. She said that she wanted to get divorced.
Now, I'm continuing to find out how little interest she has in living honestly. Since I'm continuing to experience pain and discomfort, I have to recognize the important aggravation of living with someone in denial. If, on the other hand, I was involved with someone in touch with their issues, it makes sense that things would be better for me.
Thank you for this chance to talk and express myself. I feel better, relieved, and basically sane again. Blessings, may all your thoughts and feelings get acknowledged in a healthy way. May you prosper and let any failure be your teacher and lead you to continuing success. Thank God for therapy.
Let's see, what do I know about this? I'm experiencing this unpleasantness because my thoughts and emotions have been denied at critical points in my upbringing, first by the authority figures and role models around me, and then by my own devices.
In the Twelve Steps they suggest first recognizing something I may be trying to control. If I am trying to control my wife, then I am willing to acknowledge that. If I am trying to control my co workers then I acknowledge that. Those are the two significant influences in my life right now. Maybe my mother, too, since my wife and I have been living with her. I try to minimize my interactions with her, as far as that goes. She is in much denial about healthy therapeutic awareness, in fact, and did raise me to blame me.
That's probably a crucial awareness right there. Part of my experience recently has involved the sense of "invisibility." People have disregarded me on several occasions recently, like in a class on therapeutic communication. Another participant was commenting on a class exercise using a perspective of reporting on feelings, speaking in terms of an emotion, annoyance, but in such a way that she was trying to report her perception of another person's. It was a little confusing to hear. To clarify her contribution, I voiced my observation to her, "Are you an empath? You're empathetic." She responded, "No." and the teacher began disputing with me, "She is who she says she is" or something of that nature.
A whole discussion ensued and I justified my use of standard terminology to describe that person's communication in reference to my relevant, broad educational experience, and that I had merely introduced the word. The teacher, for that matter, had been talking in a tone intended to soothe the whole night, and presenting material in an idiosyncratic, fairly disorganized and pretty unsystematic or standard way.
She kept saying, "Our framework here is meant to address individual's by listening to their model."
Anyway, I guess this discussion has helped me air out my anger and resentment at that situation a little bit more. I did my part fairly, and had to confront the problems other people have.
With my wife, it continues to be a similar thing. Somehow, I think I have been married to a woman who has her own abuse issues, but is not prepared to deal with them. As I discuss my own issues, I'm not encouraged. Living with a partner in denial is an issue in itself. Worse, she's fairly dependent since she moved here from another country, and her legal papers still have not been processed. Part of the government's own dysfunction. In her case, she had gotten into a relationship with me when she was still married. She had not told me about her marriage until we were involved with each other. She said that she wanted to get divorced.
Now, I'm continuing to find out how little interest she has in living honestly. Since I'm continuing to experience pain and discomfort, I have to recognize the important aggravation of living with someone in denial. If, on the other hand, I was involved with someone in touch with their issues, it makes sense that things would be better for me.
Thank you for this chance to talk and express myself. I feel better, relieved, and basically sane again. Blessings, may all your thoughts and feelings get acknowledged in a healthy way. May you prosper and let any failure be your teacher and lead you to continuing success. Thank God for therapy.