feeling better
malitovsky1
Registrant
Not too long ago I wrote on this board how suicidal I was. I began to remember repressed memories of sexual abuse by my mother. I felt dirty and disgusting. I knew it was not my fault but I could not get my feelings and intellect to match.
A few weeks ago I found myself in the Dekalb County, GA. jail for trying to forge a prescription for drugs I needed for suicide. This was my second attempt as the one the day before had not worked.
It became obvious that God wanted me here for some reason. What I do not know. But I know that I should have died with my first attempt of alcohol, klonopin and hydrocodone. After being released from jail I went to be admitted at a local psychiatric hospital. I had been on the antidepressant Effexor but still suicidal. In the hospital I thought I was going to need ECT. But first they insisted that I try Abilify in addition to my Effexor. I was reluctant because I knew that Abilify is an antipsychotic drug for schizophrenia. I did not like what it meant to me to have to take a dug such as this. A person that just twice tried suicide and I was afraid of what it meant to take Abilify. That is pretty psychotic(LOL).
Anyway I was just discharged yesterday after about 6 days in the hospital. I feel better than I have for sometime. I do not hate the sun rise anymore. I also do not feel responsible for what my mother did to me. I know that today I cannot allow myself to a victim to what people do to me. I have something to say today about what is acceptable and what is not. Yes I was a victim as a child but as an adult I will not allow myself to be a victim of this any longer or anything else. I do not talk to my mother anymore and that is of my choice not hers. I have a new way of looking at things. I do not know if I am making myself clear or not. But I know I feel better and wanted to let you all know.
All of your feedback along the way has helped me enormously. I doubt I could have gotten to this point without you all. Thanks.
A few weeks ago I found myself in the Dekalb County, GA. jail for trying to forge a prescription for drugs I needed for suicide. This was my second attempt as the one the day before had not worked.
It became obvious that God wanted me here for some reason. What I do not know. But I know that I should have died with my first attempt of alcohol, klonopin and hydrocodone. After being released from jail I went to be admitted at a local psychiatric hospital. I had been on the antidepressant Effexor but still suicidal. In the hospital I thought I was going to need ECT. But first they insisted that I try Abilify in addition to my Effexor. I was reluctant because I knew that Abilify is an antipsychotic drug for schizophrenia. I did not like what it meant to me to have to take a dug such as this. A person that just twice tried suicide and I was afraid of what it meant to take Abilify. That is pretty psychotic(LOL).
Anyway I was just discharged yesterday after about 6 days in the hospital. I feel better than I have for sometime. I do not hate the sun rise anymore. I also do not feel responsible for what my mother did to me. I know that today I cannot allow myself to a victim to what people do to me. I have something to say today about what is acceptable and what is not. Yes I was a victim as a child but as an adult I will not allow myself to be a victim of this any longer or anything else. I do not talk to my mother anymore and that is of my choice not hers. I have a new way of looking at things. I do not know if I am making myself clear or not. But I know I feel better and wanted to let you all know.
All of your feedback along the way has helped me enormously. I doubt I could have gotten to this point without you all. Thanks.
