If you abuser seems larger than life, if he has the power over you or controls your participation at family affairs, for example, you may be demonizing him. There was a classic science-fiction movie made in 1956 called Forbidden Planet. Without going into the entire plot, the gist of the story involves an invisible monster that is attacking the base camp set up by the good guys on a planet in another solar system. Nothing seems to be able to stop the monster and the attacked colonists finally descend into what looks like a bank vault. The monster is melting the steel door and someone realizes that the creature is a product of the chief scientists emotions. His fear is fueling the monsters power. As soon as he grasps this and lets go of the fear, the monster disappears.
In many ways, the monster that is your perpetrator gets fueled by your fears and self-defeating behaviors. The more power you give him in your mind, the more he has to control you. He may not even be thinking of you, but how often do you think of him or find yourself upset by the effects of the abuse?
Many adult survivors are physically bigger and stronger now than their abusers are today. They could literally kick their abusers butt.
It is easy to say, Let go of the fear. That is almost in the same league as the advice many survivors get from family and friends stating, Get over it. Although there may be a small number of survivors who may find some comfort stuck in the role of victim, the overwhelming majority of survivors do not want to be controlled by the abuse or memories of the abuser.
