Feel selfish for asking..but hoping for insights

[Lloydy]

Echo
we're difficult people, and often have serious doubts about our sexual orientation. Many of us, like myself, are married but have acted out sexually with other men. But I know that I'm not gay, our orientation is far more emotional than the sex I sought out which was nothing more than quick, random sex with strangers.

But it took therapy for my abuse ( 31 years previously ) to discover that.

I have to go, it's late here and I have to get up early, maybe more later
Dave

 

[SAR]

Hi Echo,

There is a very smart man who posts here sometimes and is fond of saying something about how you can trust people to do the same things they always do.

Without knowing much about the way your friend lives, I would have to say that being openly gay for over 20 years is not the same thing as seeking out same-sex encounters with strangers at intervals over the course of a committed heterosexual relationship.

Whatever your friend's orientation, it seems that he's not capable of having the relationship that you want right now. And until he's willing to take a look at himself-- his past self or his present self-- it seems doubtful that he'll be able to do that. Right now you are asking for things that he is not giving. And the things he is asking of you, hurt you to give. He does not have to be maliciously manipulating you for that to be true.

There are no easy answers, it's true-- and I can't give you answers, I'm just telling you what I see from here. It sounds to me like part of you already feels that the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is put some distance between you and this situation.

SAR