Feel like a coward

Feel like a coward
B

Branson

Registrant
I have been reading a lot here and everybody seems to be able to talk about what happeeded to them.

I was going to say I don't know why I can't but I do. I feel guilty because I believed my uncles. Phil and Jimmy. I believed they would either tell everyone I wanted it (Jimmy) or that he would go to jail for loving me. That was Phil. And that I really haven't said anything all these years. Now who is going to believe me? It was long ago. Anyone I tell about it is going to ask why I didn't say anything. I tried with my parents more than 20 years ago and they didn't believe me then. So I keep trying to tell myself I imagined it all. But I didn't. I know I didn't. Why would I lie about this?

And now it just seems that no one will believe me anymore because I kept quiet and don't talk about it.

Branson :confused:
 
Hi Branson, you have written some good questions, but you did not write the answers. Why not go ahead and write your answers here. You can pretend that we are a group of detectives if you like, and you are here to swear out a warrant. If you like we could ask you the hard questions, that way you can think up answers, and have them ready for when you want to tell your people.
 
Branson I think Lostcowboy has a very good suggestion. It will be good for you to do this I think.
 
Hey Branson,

All I can tell you is that I didnt tell for years, and we, as a group, do not tell. The abusers are experts on manipulating victims into not telling. I think its a safe bet that my abuser had a lot more victims then the few that came forward, yet none of us told.

I know if I tried to tell my parents, they would not have wanted to believe me because it would hurt them on so many levels, it would be easier for them to deny that any such thing had happened. 23 years later, I think it was finally slammed home for my mom that it did happen when the lawyers for my abuser sent private investigators to her house to question her, and then she had to face facts.

I do know, however that you are believed here, and you would be believed in a therapists office. I hope that helps somehow.

Take care,
 
Branson,

for what reason would any of us want to lie and make this up and say things publically that would embaress us? My family member is a very nervous man right now because he knows I am finally dealing with what happened to me with him and his his friends for 23 years!!!!!!!

I lived those lies to myself unil I was 38! I am so glad I went public, without names, for my sake!!!!!

TJ
 
Branson,

you are not a coward, the one's who did it are. I hope they are terrified of being jailed for what they did.

I think we all go through a time, when even we, deny ourselves that it happened, because it caused so much pain, we just want to pretend it did not go on.

You have made a big step just to tell us that it happened, we believe you,

we care,

ste
 
Hi Branson,

I wasnt able to talk about it for years, like you I disclosed the abuse at a young age, I was not believed and branded a sick perverted little kid for saying such sinful things. I couldnt believe myself, it took many years before I dared think about it or open my mouth about it again. I was convinced no one would believe me. Even when my first therapist clearly did believe me it took me a while to accept that. Its not cowardice its a reaction to your reality being denied by those you needed to hear you and keep you safe.

Tell in your own time, you will know when it feels safe to break that secrecy. We will believe you here.

Rustam.
 
Branson - I never told anyone at all until 32 years after the event. I told 3 friends when I was drunk because I thought a situation was developing where I would have had no control (strippers night & I thought I was going to be part of the show - I wasn't, but that's what I thought).

They all believed me & so has everyone since.

I live in the UK (England) and somehow 'bumped into' a policemen on 16/10/04 (D/M/Y) - long story, but I asked him what could be done if someone had been abused 35 years previously (3 years after first telling friends).

His response was totally unexpected - I made a 15 page statement of complaint on 17/10/04 & am currently waiting to find out if the case is going to court.

Have you spoken to your friends - if they are real friends like mine, then you will find some excellent support.
Only you can judge what another persons reaction might be, but gut instinct has been a good thing in my case.

*By the way - abuse is never love!

Best wishes ...RIk
 
You can talk to us and you can talk to your "t". You don't owe it to anyone to talk about what happened, you need to do it for yourself. Quit beating yourself up for not telling and deal with your feeling of what happened first. Then when you regain control you can decide about the rest.
 
Did you say investigators and lawyers for the abuser 23 years later? Can you press charges against an abuser that long after the crime? I wish to press charges but I do not know if there is some kind of limitation.
 
Robert - I live in England (UK), so I don't know if things are different where you are...I think I have read other posts here where you have something like a 'Law of Limitations', but it may vary from state to state.

It was actually 1969, 35 years ago that I was abused (first told friends around 3 years ago)- I was surprised when I told the police in October of last year, that they could actually do something after all this time. I made a statement and the perv was arrested - I'm now waiting to find out if we're going to court.

He's on bail of two counts - 1/ Child Abuse. 2/ Grooming (apparently a new offence in this country).

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Hiya Branson,

I just read your post, and several questions come to my mind...Does your family love you? I mean do they really love you? Do they honestly trust you? Only you know the answers to these questions.

If the answers are yes, then take this to heart, because there are a LOT of us guys out here that have families that don't.

You know the truth, and I think that those who do trust you, will believe you, they may not want to hear it, but they will believe it.

I hope that this helps.

Mike
 
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