Fear of Success and Self-Sabotage
Yesterday I felt like I was falling apart. I was depressed and didnt know how I was going to pull off another day outside of my bed. Naturally, I had an incredible anxiety attack to cap off a lovely evening.
When I woke up this morning I could feel the cloud of doom hovering low and to the left (which by the way is also the correct answer to Hey, hows it hanging?). I didnt want to go through another day depressing myself, so I searched my brain looking for a way out. My brain quickly remembered the Tony Robbins tapes I had been listening to in my car on the way to work. Mr. Robbins (and Neuro Linguistics) says that it is often the questions you ask yourself that cause the results you get. So I changed my questions from why did this happen and why me to what caused this to happen? Why did I get depressed out of the blue?
I began to think about what happened over the course of the last few weeksandsomething interesting began to percolate. In the last two weeks I was able to find a new job (selling recruitment advertising for an employment publication) and within the first three non-training days on that job I sold three ads. As a matter of fact I broke an office record by selling an ad my first day on the floor. However, as I started my third week BOOM depression kicked in.
I started wondering if I had a fear of success..but howwhat does that mean.and then.once again out of the friggin blue..BAM..I LINK SUCCESS TO MASSIVE PAIN!!!!
At first this seemed like something vague and improbable. I started searching my memories and remembered how my mother (the perp btw) picked a massive fight with me the day my son was born and caused me great painor how she picked a fight with me over my wedding because she didnt feel special enoughor at my graduation because she didnt feel special enoughwell you get the ideathen I though back to many times in my life where I committed self-sabotage just before any major success (in college I won the editor-in-chief position of the newspaper..and then resigned five weeks into the semester)
I have convinced myself..built a core beliefbeen programmed.that there is massive pain with success. Holy crap this is a major breakthrough for me. I know the next step is to eliminate that belief and replace it with something empowering, but I am not 100% sure how to do that. I am glad that I have the knowledge, since that is always the first step.
Has anyone else experienced something like this?
When I woke up this morning I could feel the cloud of doom hovering low and to the left (which by the way is also the correct answer to Hey, hows it hanging?). I didnt want to go through another day depressing myself, so I searched my brain looking for a way out. My brain quickly remembered the Tony Robbins tapes I had been listening to in my car on the way to work. Mr. Robbins (and Neuro Linguistics) says that it is often the questions you ask yourself that cause the results you get. So I changed my questions from why did this happen and why me to what caused this to happen? Why did I get depressed out of the blue?
I began to think about what happened over the course of the last few weeksandsomething interesting began to percolate. In the last two weeks I was able to find a new job (selling recruitment advertising for an employment publication) and within the first three non-training days on that job I sold three ads. As a matter of fact I broke an office record by selling an ad my first day on the floor. However, as I started my third week BOOM depression kicked in.
I started wondering if I had a fear of success..but howwhat does that mean.and then.once again out of the friggin blue..BAM..I LINK SUCCESS TO MASSIVE PAIN!!!!
At first this seemed like something vague and improbable. I started searching my memories and remembered how my mother (the perp btw) picked a massive fight with me the day my son was born and caused me great painor how she picked a fight with me over my wedding because she didnt feel special enoughor at my graduation because she didnt feel special enoughwell you get the ideathen I though back to many times in my life where I committed self-sabotage just before any major success (in college I won the editor-in-chief position of the newspaper..and then resigned five weeks into the semester)
I have convinced myself..built a core beliefbeen programmed.that there is massive pain with success. Holy crap this is a major breakthrough for me. I know the next step is to eliminate that belief and replace it with something empowering, but I am not 100% sure how to do that. I am glad that I have the knowledge, since that is always the first step.
Has anyone else experienced something like this?