Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure
O

onlyakid

I've been doing the same job for the past 10-11 years, not because I like it, not because it pays well, not because theres room for advancement, or any other logical reason. I have a fear of failure. Stay with what works because if you fail, it will be horrible.

My brother (who is also my perp) even tries to help me telling me theres openings at jobs I'd be perfect for. I blow him off, I'll look into it I tell him.

Last weekend my sister-in-law told me that their neighbor does job placement for my field.

When am I going to wise up and take some of these opportunites??

Jason
 
Jason,

I think that in order to take up such opportunities you need to have a certain degree of confidence. You seem to have problems there, and man do I hear you on that one. I have been running myself down for years and wondering how it can be that I am so successful in my career (university professor and historian).

That is so typical of survivors I think. Abuse often leads us as boys to blame ourselves and regard ourselves as worthless - that doesn't stop just because we have turned some magical age like 18 or 21, even if we don't notice it for what it really is.

As you make progress on your issues as a survivor I think that can only help you to gain the confidence you need in order to accept a challenge like searching for a new job.

Much love,
Larry
 
Jason,

You just described my life in the great work-a-day world. Your words hit me right betewen the eyes.

I feel that I can't possibly look for other work because no one would have me, and what if my current boss finds out I'm looking?

It goes on an on...

Sorry I'm not much help here. It's just that you are the first person I've ever heard expressing my exact thoughts on the issue. I guess I can say that you are not alone and now I know that neither am I. Somehow it helps for me to know that.

I think to a large degree it is our abuse talking. When I was young and college age, I was struggling so much just making it through the day hiding from the pain that I couldn't even realize there was a future to be planned for. It was hard enough just dealing with the here and now.

Take courage that you are relatively young yet in comparrison to this broken down old geezer :) .

Courage my friend,

John
 
Jason,

Why not operate on the premise of finding out more information about opportunities? It never hurts to educate yourself about these other opportunities. If you ever did want to seriously look into something you would do everything you could to educate yourself before leaping into something. Seeking information might be a better way to approach things right now. Perhaps in time with more information these opportunites will look more attractive rather than something to be avoided ...

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Jason, I hear your self doubts and certainly as a fellow survivor I'm sure that has something to do with it.

Probably what I think of more is about Personality Profiles. Have you ever done one? I could guess by what you've said what type you may be but you really need to do a full questionaire to work it all out.

There are two main formats out there (Myers Briggs is one) but they do the same thing. They identify the four basic personal styles of relating that people have. They are Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Other systems use a letter system (D.I.S.C.). You may have heard of some of these even if you didn't know what they were about.

For me, there was a great release when I discovered what my personality temperament was. It's not about placing people into boxes but it is discovering your (pshycologically proven) general traits. Certainly life experiences affect these but most people still have their basic core.

In my voluntary capacity I've run these workshops for close to 10 years and it's amazing when you see the lights go on inside people. They finally understand the why's to many areas of their life. It's a bit like us survivors of CSA when we too learn some of the whys.
 
Not to get off the subject Bruce, but I just took one (Personality test) the other day and found I was melancholy/with some Phlegmatic triats.

The funny thing about it was I took this same test a few years back. At that time I was spending a bit of time with my mother who is choleric. Her very domineering personality (for year) had me convinced I was like her...

Anyway - I wanted to say that I was in an unhealthy relationship with my mother (noting sexual) but mentally and emotionally and had to pull back from her to "find myself."

Sometimes that is the reason we do not step out and try new things - simply because we may be under the influence of another's dominance. Just a thought.

Riv
 
Morning Star, good poem is that.

Are you really thinking that life is not a job? I guess it is time to revaluate my attitudes toward life. I often do see it as a job, endless, difficult job. There is another view hiding in my mind, which is that I am already a full person, and I don't have to justify it to myself. I just need to look for the opportunities of a real job. :)

Thank you!

Alexey
 
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