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daltonjames
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- Thread starterdaltonjames
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Samson360
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Well I can't say I ever had any experience like that with my father but when I was nine years old my 19-year-old male cousin began molesting me. At first I really enjoyed the attention and I enjoyed being naked with him and seeing his really big Dick between his legs. I also enjoyed it when we laid in bed naked and I would massage his genitals while he massaged mine. He molested me until I was 11 years old and I know that it really messed me up when it came to normal sexual behavior. I dated girls but have never had sex with them. I only had one gay sexual experience with my best friend but I prefer to see naked men so up come to accept that maybe I've been gay all my life and have just been in denial. I hope you find someone on here with a more similar experience like yours.
Greybeard
Registrant
I remember trying to make out with my dad at around the same age. We were travelling somewhere, sharing a hotel room. I climbed into his bed in the morning before he was awake and started grinding into him. But he did not respond like your father, he was very pissed off, pushed me away and barked at me. The situation was also very different, I had been abused before that, and had become hypersexualized. My dad knew nothing about any of that, of course. I;m not sure he even realized what I was up to, he seemed mostly angry that I had woken him up.
daltonjames
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daltonjames
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I just saw this post. I relate in a way. I've never had sex with my father, but I have tried when I was 13yrs old. My abuse at 8yrs old hypersexualized me. Anytime my Day came in the bathroom, and I was in the tub I would spring a boner, he would ignore it. I carried a lot of shame and guilt for years about trying to "seduce" my dad, even though I didn't know what I was doing. I'm glad he never reacted to me about always exposing my erections to him. I finally told someone about it this year, my T. I am now 74yrs old and I have carried this shame and guilt my whole life. My therapist was surprised my dad never seemed interested in finding out why I Was doing that. I Wanted to be seen and loved by him, I just went about it the wrong way. My abuser taught me that I got attention from men through sex. When I came out to both my parents at 21-22yrs old, my mother told me that God hated me, and I was going to hell. I haven't been to church since then. My dad never said a word to me, he took care of my mother and comforted her because she was crying about what she did wrong. I never discussed it with him again. At least I told another person this year and now you guys. It hurts a little, but the fear is big, but I'll do it anyway because I don't want to be controlled by the fear. Thank you.
daltonjames
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Bornfree
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I have heard of situations like yours before, but never really knew what the outcome was. I know with me, because of my previous abuses, if my father and I tried something, I would have frozen. I remember him asking me one day when I was 15, if I was gay. I was mortified! I was thinking in my mind that if I said maybe, or yes, he would have kicked me out of the house! Thing is, because of my encephalitis, I was struggling every day with my school studies. I never had time for a girl friend or really a "boy" friend. I tried to have some sort of friend ships with other kids, but I could never keep anything going. I don't know if it was me, if it had been me beecause of my sexual abuses somehow coming to the surface that I did not see, but anyways, I just spent my time doing my studies. Any free time I had, I would go for bike rides, a source of escape for me from the stresses I had from school, and from home. If my father had genuinely asked if I was gay, because then he thought that maybe I would like some contact from him, I don't know. In the end, I stuttered out a "No!" from a rather squeaky voice! Could it have been a bonding relationship? I don't know. I also had frustrations with my father refusing to help me with my work, so if we had tried something, it could have backfired. I have fantasized thought what it would be like. What did you do that you liked best that helped you bond?
Hi I am new here and completely relate to your story and woukd be intrigued to hear more. I am also a gay male now in my early 60’s but have known my sexuality since I was about 5 or 6 although didn’t really understand it. I was sexualised at quite a young age, before I was ejaculating, by a neighbour only three years older than myself. In fact amazingly we still have regular sex although he is totally straight and married with grown up children.
I really have far too much to write here but just to say at this stage that I became quite sexually obsessed with my father from around this same age. When I say sexually I mean I was obsessed about the sex I was sure he was having with himself rather than any physical sexual attraction toward him. Anyway I spent years trying to catch him out with some success although more discretely than I had imagined in my mind. Although nothing physical ever transpired together an interesting thing is that the closest it did ever come to happening I only recalled a few years ago, obviously having filed it in my deep dark sexual psyche for some 50 years. I realise now this was because it was something my father attempted to instigate and not me so as a child I must have realised that being something I could never share in my lifetime it was eternally filed, but as it is so vivid now I am amazed and astounded at how the mind can work.
It may be a bit long winded and require too much background information to elaborate on here for now but needless to say I was hoping for a consensual sexual situation with my father throughout my youth and through into adulthood, a subject which I cannot seem to find much information about and when I have stumbled across some snippet it is always either written as some erotic story with a romantic interest in the father who is always a ruggedly athletic, devastatingly handsome man with super hero qualities or scientific papers on sexual psychology where there is a dated naive attempt to pigeon hole me into some sort of “complex”.
Until I read your post I was fairly certain this would once again not be a forum for me because you see I don’t consider myself an abuse survivor but rather I was the predator, something I don’t seem to be able to find much information about. Also I did not develop “fucked up” at all and if anything always seemed quite advanced sexually in my youth and went on to have an incredibly liberal and fulfilling sex life. I can honestly say, as arrogant as it will sound, that I have enjoyed heightened sexual pleasures more than most on the planet through experimentation, both physically and mentally. Apart from a very young age I have never had to deal with such matters as guilt or shame and still today can enjoy intense orgasms masturbating about my father who passed away some 13 years ago. Once again these are not what would be defined incestual in their nature or definition.
I’m not sure whether you can relate to any of this but your post promoted me at least to write a reply, something which has never happened previously. It would be interesting to read your reply as I have wandered happily through life thinking I may be one of a kind. Thanks for reading if you bothered to last.
I believe my first abuse was kind of consensual I would have and did let him do what ever with me. I was under five and he was in his twenty's. As I look back from where I am now I am sure I had a crush on him right up to the day he gave me away to two other guys that were not careful with me like he was. That would be my closest experience to what you describe. I also know today that what happened to me was abuse and it damaged me a lot. I had multiple abusers over about 17 years.
Sorry to hear that and I sincerely hope that you have managed to heal even a little but hopefully a lot.
Sossity
Registrant
I know this thread is quite old now but, it has surfaced again. For me want you are describing is quite normal, apart from one simple detail. The abilities of the farther to maintain and enforce proper boundaries. I write this as a farther of two now grown up girls. I experienced this, as detailed in the article, with both of them as young girls, wanting dads attention, and as teenagers needing dads approval and yes sometimes disapproval, “your not going out wearing that“. Knowing if that was the response they got the outfit was just right. The wrong or inappropriate response could have destroyed their confidence or worse encouraged a sexualisation of the relationship. Who would have been in the wrong?
The attached article refers to girls but, in my view, it is the same for boys. The phrase daddy’s little girl could just as easily be daddy’s little boy or little man. The issue is not in the actions of the child, the issue is in the response of the adult.
A child has no way of setting sexual boundaries, how could they. They don’t fully understand the drivers behind or are necessarily aware of the source of their actions. Ones parents should be a safe place to experiment with flirtlng and ones own sexuality without the risk of responses or rejection, If a school child flirts with a teach, is it OK for the teacher to respond? Is it consenting? Or is it a breach of trust, of power and the breaking of boundaries?
be safe my friend and walk tall in your recovery.
www.thesuccessfulparent.com
The attached article refers to girls but, in my view, it is the same for boys. The phrase daddy’s little girl could just as easily be daddy’s little boy or little man. The issue is not in the actions of the child, the issue is in the response of the adult.
A child has no way of setting sexual boundaries, how could they. They don’t fully understand the drivers behind or are necessarily aware of the source of their actions. Ones parents should be a safe place to experiment with flirtlng and ones own sexuality without the risk of responses or rejection, If a school child flirts with a teach, is it OK for the teacher to respond? Is it consenting? Or is it a breach of trust, of power and the breaking of boundaries?
be safe my friend and walk tall in your recovery.
Fathers and Daughters
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1islandboy
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In prior post I have shared the relationship to that of my brother ( consensual incest) 0which I believe was cathartic vs. both the physical and verbal abuse I experience from My moms aunt uncle. he hurt me bad, like fucking sore beyond comprehension. The thing is I was six and in a sadomasochistic relationship with him that developed over the holidays and would expand from there. so bdsm wi0th dr jykyl Mr Hyde uncle was normalized.
You Are Not Alone,
island
You Are Not Alone,
island
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Gayornot
Registrant
My brother abused me very early in life. When I was 4 and tasted another man in a public bathroom and he sucked me I also enjoyed it very much. Part of it was that he paid attention to me. Later in elementary school an older friend organized circle jerks and told me he wanted. To teach me more. I desperately wanted that. In junior high when one of my friends described being used by his uncle I asked if I could join in. He mentioned a sleepover and I wanted it badly but my mother refused. I did not know what he wanted to do at the time but I was super excited to find out, but we moved. I wish to this day he had taken me. I was 9 or 10 and he was only a few years older. Hypersex is a good term.
Hypersex is a good term. Never heard of that before but can relate to it and how I was to.
I'm one that can't for the life of me see it being "consensual" when you're underage. My first abuser everything felt good and loving and safe etc but I was a kid that needed affection in opposition to the violence at home. I didn't fight, I looked forward to it. Was it consensual? Just because it felt good physically and all it doesn't mean its not abuse. As an adult you can consent to anything you want and it on you, but a kid, a kid is in the process of developing. The adult no matter who they are to you has the responsibility to not engage. Bonding can take place without sexual contact. Its like a high school teacher having "an inappropriate relationship" with a boy. It probably feels really good and bonding and all but its still rape. Or if it were a 16 yo girl and her father... would it ever sound like it could be consensual? Is it supposed to be different when you're a boy?
Gayornot
Registrant
USMC, you are absolutely correct. I believe we are relating what happened and how we responded. That is what has made so many of our lives so messed up. How did we know it was bad if it felt good and we were getting attention. That wasn’t at home or in our neighborhood. Except for those who hurt or terrorized us.
daltonjames I hope I didn't come off as condemning or shaming you. I'm just saying it was on your father to maintain the boundary. Once you were an adult it's not a norm to do things with a family member but you're able to consent to doing whatever you and your father did later in life. Believe me, I wanted to stay with my first abuser. I felt like it was bonding, I really needed to feel close to a male figure. I was only 8 though at the time. I "initiated" things sometimes after he had me believe it was "okay" and normal. In my eyes at the time it was loving and I desperately needed love from a male figure like him. He was my safe place. (In the end I was given to a group of men who gangraped and did torturous things to me for the approx 5 years following, but I digress). Its very hard for me to say I don't still have this feeling of love for the guy. I hate it, but I cant deny that I did feel real love. It's a confusing part of my abuse history but that's what it was to me, and I'm not ashamed because it was all I knew then. But he knew what he was doing to me then. It was self-gratification. Your father may have still loved you and I hear that it felt loving. But the line was crossed. By him, not you. No matter if you initiated, if it felt good, bonding, etc., it was on him to not let it happen.