famous survivors, victims

famous survivors, victims
G

Galapogos

Registrant
Hi,
I don't know what forum this might belong in, so if it's moved that's okay.

I saw a post somewhere about an athlete named Cole who had disclosed his abuse, but the link to Fox news was dead, so I didn't get the details.

It got me thinking about the public perceptions of CSA and how it's still a stigma and a subject for jokes. No one would joke about famous rapists and their rape victims, at least not now, but CSA is somehow okay to joke about.

Anyway, I thought if more famous people put a face, or a real story on CSA, maybe it could help?

Ozzy Osbourne has talked about suffering abuse when he was 11 from older boys on his way to school and how it messed him up.

Carlos Santanna has talked about how he suffered SA from a older man when he was 13 or 14,and the negative impact it had.

Those two were survivors, I've read that Elliot Smith, the singer/songwriter (he did a song for the film Good Will Hunting) revealed in an interview he'd suffered abuse from either his step-father, or real father, I can't remember (I know, I should look it up before I post). He wouldn't reveal much about it, although his music was full of saddness and his struggles with addiction. Sadly he took his own life. Of course I wonder if the SA set him on the course towards addiction and self-destruction. He was a successful muscian seemingly having it all.

I don't know of anyone else. But you'd hope that someone like Ozzy would be on Leno and just tell him his MJ jokes aren't funny, they're cruel.
 
Sorry about the dead link. one of the other guys had this link.
https://aolsvc.news.aol.com/special1/article.adp?id=20050918094709990002
 
thanks
 
G - I'd like to see more celebrity types come forward too. I understand their hesitancy, but at the same time I think they do a disservice to fellow survivors by not bringing awareness to those who believe in the stigmas.

I think you're probably mostly interested in male survivors, like Ozzy and Carlos but it should be noted that Fiona Apple and Tori Amos have disclosed publicly that they were SA when they were young. Peace - John
 
Originally posted by Sinking:
I understand their hesitancy, but at the same time I think they do a disservice to fellow survivors by not bringing awareness to those who believe in the stigmas.
Click to expand...
But again, everone's survival and recovery is a personal thing for them. There should not be added pressure on persons in public because they have a way to speak and be more heard. That is to add extra obligation to someone who is suffering same effects of the abuse as you are. And those persons, there also is more to 'lose' if it is made public against their wants.

I remember hearing, some years ago, there was a professional hockey player also? Shannon, or Shanhan, something as that? And Louganis, the diver, who have abuse done as adult. I thought there is some other male athlete over past some years, I can not remember though.

andrei
 
Roger Moore of James Bond fame is a survivor.

The thing I would like to see above all else is any politician who has suffered CSA to come forward and say so. Although I have heard that Ronald Regans son was abused as a child.

https://www.cfif.org/htdocs/freedomline/current/in_our_opinion/michael-reagan-interview.htm

There are none that I am aware of here in the UK dont know about your side of the pond.

Kirk
 
Chester Bennington from Linkin Park was hurt, sorta disclosed it in an interveiw. So was Jonathan Davis from the band Korn, he talks about it in interveiws sometimes.
 
Mary J Blige disclosed at a concert in August, 2002. I was in the audience. There's a post in the archives about that experience, if you want to read about it .

Sheldon Kennedy - canadian Hockey Player.

Celebrities who disclose do a great service, but I don't think it's fair to say that those who don't, do a disservice.

As Andrei said, they have just as much to deal with as anyone else. I would go so far as to suggest that they have additional burdens to deal with BECAUSE they are well known. And they do have more to lose, because of those very same stigmas they MIGHT illuminate.

I honor anyone who discloses, whether they are a superstar or a street sweeper.

If anything, I'd like to see politicians speak up. Logically, statistically, there must be quite a few who are survivors, and they would have the power to actually do something. Or lose their next election trying.

Mad world, isn't it?
 
I don't think anyone should be pressured to disclose, or outed as a survivor. That's a personal decision.

But I think those celebrities, especially male, that are willing to talk about it can help change the publics perceptions, or at least make it easier to talk about.
 
This is a tough one.

On the one hand, people making jokes about abuse should be rebuked.

I wish that famous folk who disclose would be part of something organized.

Maybe every time we see someone famous disclosing, we should invite them to join with us at Male Survivor.

Can you imagine what it would be like if we invited a couple of celebrities to join us for one of our conferences and we provided them with a real platform from which to speak out?

I've written a letter to the editor but I have not sent it because of the caution that I received from my therapist. He said that I was abused enough and that I could receive more abuse from a maybe non understanding public.

Somehow I'm going to work through that. I've not accomplished much in my life, but if standing up for others who may be going through this, offers them some hope, maybe it's worth it.

Everyone has to do it individually, however.

Everyone's life is different. No two survivors can be compared. I would never expect someone who was abused to disclose unless he was in a position which would allow him to be open without some terrible backlash. And it could be backlashing if the person wasn't ready in their own recovery to handle the questions or criticism because of others' doubts.

This is a good thread. I would like to see us making some kind of list of famous folks, who we know have been abused as children, who would like to join Male Survivor and maybe making a public forum for speaking out.

David
 
I guess maybe I didn't type out my complete thought when I said that not disclosing is a disservice. I apologize if I added any pressure to anyone of celebrity status who might be reading through this thread. If I had completed my thoughts I would have said that celebrities who are in a good place in their recovery and feel as though they could come forward and bring awareness to the actualities of the long term affects of childhood sexual abuse. There are too many variable in any one situation that would, could and, maybe, should prevent anyone, celebrity or not, from publicly disclosing.

I thought of a few others who deserve applause for their courage and generosity in coming forward. Oprah (who has started a campaign on her website www/oprah.com to feature the names, faces and profiles of fugitive predators, Yeah Oprah!!) and Maynard James Keenan of the bands Tool and A Perfect Circle.

It can't be easy to put yourself out there like that. But, celbrity or not, you are not alone. Peace - John
 
Kirk mentioned that it would be good if some politicians who were abused would disclose and campaign, which I'd also like to see.

And the UK's 'ruling elite' mainly come from the kind of background that sent their children away to school, so I know they're out there.

Dave
PS my school was a crummy little boarding school, not one of the posh ones :rolleyes:
 
John Peel from the UK (a very famous grounding breaking Radio DJ in this country, who actually kick started his career in the USA) who died recently was also abused/raped as a child at boarding school.

There is more information in his soon to be released biography (completed by his wife following his sudden death).

Best wishes ..Rik
 
I remembered tonight that Axl Rose, of Guns & Roses fame, or infamy, had said in a Rolling Stone interview that he'd been abused very young, 3 or 4 years old.

I suppose I should try to track down the interview and post links, I don't want anyone to think it's just gossip or rumours. Maybe I'll do that this week.
 
Oprah revealed many years ago that she was raped as a young teen.

I think John makes a good point:

celebrities who are in a good place in their recovery and feel as though they could come forward
Click to expand...
The NHL hockey player Sheldon Kennedy was instrumental in having Graham James a former WHL hockey coach jailed for his sexual assaults on Sheldon when Sheldon was 15 - 16 years old. However, the ending of this story is not great. Sheldon never really played hockey again. Publicly the sport applauded him but privately they shunned him. He went on to have a very public journey of self destruction with booze, drugs and brushes with the law. He tried to set up a camp for abused boys but ..... in the end he wasn't ready for the glare of the spotlight. It is known within hockey circles that two other very well known NHL players were also Graham James victims , they have not come forward. I don't blame them. The sports industry, at least hockey - which I'm familiar with, can be very strange. It makes Cole's decision to go public all the more heroic. I hope he is like John said, "in a good place in his recovery".
Peace, Andrew
 
Pamela Anderson has been interviewed on several shows about her abuse.

Tom Arnold spoke about being abused on the Jay Leno Tonight Show. He told the story of how he woke up one day and impuslively wanted to confront his abuser. He flew back home and to the abuser's place of work and confronted him at work. Not what he would recomend doing. Impulsiveness he said seem to be one of his aftermaths from the abuse.
 
Here's a pertinent article about Sheldon Kennedy from a number of perspectives:

The Sheldon Kennedy/Graham James Case: Sexual Abuse in Canadian Junior Hockey

Sheldon Kennedy was coached by Graham James, a highly respected and nationally famous coach, as a junior-level hockey player in Winnipeg, and then during the late 1980s on the Swift Current Broncos of Canada's Western Hockey League. Between the ages of 14 and 19, Kennedy was sexually abused by James. The abuse went on, twice weekly, between 1984 and 1990.

"Kennedy testified he was first abused when he received permission from his parents to spend the weekend at James' house to discuss his future in hockey." (Knight-Ridder, 1/9/97)

"Kennedy has said that James sexually assaulted him more than 350 times, beginning when Kennedy was 14. He said he was assaulted while playing on several clubs with which James had an affiliation." (Knight-Ridder Newspapers, 1/9/97)

Kennedy said: "The coach is so respected. Your parents send you away and say, 'Do what he says.' At that age, you listen. That's your first step if you want to play pro." (Ottawa Citizen, 1/9/97)

"Kennedy describes his life as a lonely, living hell. He was sexually abused as a teen by Graham James, his coach and "father figure," who controlled his hockey career and his daily life from the time he was 14 to 19. Kennedy found he was unable to make friends. Unable to trust and unable to love. Unable to feel "normal" unless he was drinking. Unable to turn a junior career into a solid National Hockey League career. Suicidal at times because inner turmoil haunted him. "You feel people are looking at you. I put up a shield. I didn't let anybody in. It's a very lonely way to feel. You never feel normal. You know something is wrong but you don't know why it is like that,' Kennedy said." (Calgary Herald, 1/7/97)

A friend of Kennedy's said: "The coach is a godlike figure -- he holds all the cards. I guess in a situation like [Kennedy's] a kid can go home, but that is the end of your hockey career. That is the problem. There is no way to turn." (Washington Post, 1/8/97)

"He was 14 or 15 and James was 31 or 32 when the assaults began. Every Tuesday and Thursday for six years, Kennedy went to James' house. Kennedy said, 'He considered me his wife. There was absolutely nowhere for me to turn. I had no one, nobody.'" (Los Angeles Times, 1/7/97)

"When Kennedy was 15 he told James a lie - that he had been abused by a teacher - in the hopes that James would stop the molestation. 'He didn't even blink an eye,' said Kennedy. 'He kept me with him all the time. It was like we were married. It was unbelievable.'" (Calgary Herald, 1/7/97)

"Kennedy said if James was fired from one team and started coaching another he would 'keep trading for me.'" (Toronto Sun, 5/9/97)

"'You do not have a clue what to do," Kennedy said. "You tell your mom and she makes you come home. You tell your friends and they will just portray you as a gay guy. It is just a very scary thing.'" (Detroit News, 1/7/97)

"Kennedy...said he considered suicide several times." (Tampa Tribune, 1/11/97)

Eventually, Kennedy left the Broncos and began playing for the Calgary Flames, and later the Boston Bruins.

Circa 1995, Kennedy finally told his wife about the abuse. "Many in hockey -- including his Bruins teammates -- knew of his situation but kept quiet at Kennedy's request until he felt comfortable talking about the subject. 'It's difficult to discuss with anybody," Kennedy said. "It was difficult to discuss with my mom, dad, sister and brother. I went 13 years without discussing it with anybody.'" (Knight-Ridder, 1/9/97)

Kennedy came forward on Sept. 3, 1996, taking his complaints of sexual abuse by James to Calgary city police.

In January 1997, Graham James was sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison for sexually assaulting Kennedy and another unidentified player.

Sheldon Kennedy went public with his story after the sentencing.

"James pleaded guilty to the offences and admitted in a statement read to the court that; 'I offer no excuses. I blame nobody but myself. I was selfish.' But he added: "I am truly sorry that this happened.'" (Calgary Herald, 1/7/97)

James also later recounted, in an interview with the Ottawa Citizen, that he felt surprised and betrayed by Kennedy's coming forward. "Did I expect Sheldon Kennedy to do this? Absolutely not. Sheldon and I were close...He legitimately cared. Not about (the sex), obviously. He cared. He knew I was lonely, and you know, that sort of registered as desperation. He cared enough to put up with limited things...I didn't think, at the time, that this was something that was bothering Sheldon. It wasn't that Sheldon was gay -- he's not gay. It wasn't that he enjoyed it -- he didn't. Maybe I'm just trying to legitimize things myself, but at no time did I think it was a major thing for him." (Ottawa Citizen, 1/8/97)

Kennedy: "I feel like I am 10 months old inside a 27-year-old body. You are learning to live again. You are learning to have friends. You have to learn to love and relax. ... I can't remember the last time I relaxed totally." (Tampa Tribune, 1/7/97)

In 1998, Kennedy enrolled in a substance-abuse program sponsored by the NHL, for continuing drinking and drug problems.

In January 1999, an unidentified hockey player, who also played on the Swift Current Broncos under Graham James, filed a $650,000 lawsuit against 24 individuals and organizations who allegedly knew, or should have known, that James sexually assaulted some of his players, including him. Among the groups sued were the Western Hockey League and its parent group, the Canadian Hockey League, as well as the Swift Current Broncos and the Sasketchewan Amateur Hockey Association. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 1/17/99)
 
I'm sure there are at least one or two guys here on the site we would recognize on the street as being famous, but this is the place they can come to really be themselves and work through the things they need to work through.

But I also agree it would be tremendous to have a figurehead willing to sign letters of appeal and be a spokesperson, and anyone interested in that role should feel free to let me know.
 
I... I dunno.

My personal feelings about this site is that this is a place where a person can be as forthcoming or as anonymous about who they are and feel safe. I just get this "feeling" that a forthcoming celebrity would never be/feel safe again once the spotlight was revealed and shone on that celebrity. True they could be a great spokesperson on the subject, but at what cost to the celebrity's safety? It would just feel like we would be using that person for more PR with little regard to their own personal feelings of safety on this site.

Would this site's members start sending PMs and posts to that celebrity for whatever fan-based reason? I'm sure you can say "No I wouldn't", but can you guarantee it for everyone here? Would that celebrity regain that feeling of safety here? Perhaps by registrating under a new anonymous name, but with time, people would start seeing patterns in that celebrity's responses to posts and figure out it's that person.

Dunno if I'm making any sense at all, but I do know that despite the best intentions of this organization, being a celebrity, I wouldn't divulge that I'd be one, comfortable or not.

MR
 
I started the thread because finding out that Ozzy was a survivor somehow made me feel better about myself (like maybe I can get through this too). And I wondered what other famous people were survivors and had reached a place where they could acknowledge it.

I'm not at that place yet, so I can't imagine asking anyone else to pick up the torch, be the figurehead, spokesman, etc. That would be a personal choice, I don't think anyone should be "drafted," or confronted for "not doing more" with their celebrity to help prevent CSA.

Just knowing there are other people who are survivors, famous or otherwise, could help me put CSA in context when/if I am ready to disclose to someone. I hope that doesn't sound selfish.
 
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