Family
Family
- Thread starterJaysen
- Start date
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
I'll just leave this with my other comment for you to think about later, when you feel you are up to it:
Dealing with alcohol is in a way like dealing with abuse issues. You have to admit there's a problem, then you have to take the big step of doing something about it. There will be ups and downs, but it possible to get past this one.
Do you have a problem? It sounds like it. You are using alcohol to escape from other problems, even to the extent of drinking so you can have sex. The problem here is that gradually you will need more and more alcohol to get the same result, and eventually this will drive away people who would otherwise like to be around you. You wind up with a crowd who are into the same self-destructive behavior; if you don't mind falling into trash cans (one of my magic tricks) you wind up with friends who think that's cool too.
That said, I suspect you aren't an alcoholic yet. You are just using it for all the wrong reasons, as you say, and you can see it's getting into heavy territory. But why not admit you need help and ask for it? That's what you did when you came here, after all.
I'll stop here, because I don't want this to sound like I'm preaching. Just bear in mind that people who are alcoholics so often start out like you have, and then discover one day how cruel a master drinking can become.
Much love,
Larry
I'll just leave this with my other comment for you to think about later, when you feel you are up to it:
I don't know if I was an alcoholic, but if not I was pretty close. I didn't think I was having fun at a party until I had thrown up at least once, and there were times I was so wasted I went into convulsions. That's another topic, I just want to say I do know what alcohol can do to you.
Dealing with alcohol is in a way like dealing with abuse issues. You have to admit there's a problem, then you have to take the big step of doing something about it. There will be ups and downs, but it possible to get past this one.
Do you have a problem? It sounds like it. You are using alcohol to escape from other problems, even to the extent of drinking so you can have sex. The problem here is that gradually you will need more and more alcohol to get the same result, and eventually this will drive away people who would otherwise like to be around you. You wind up with a crowd who are into the same self-destructive behavior; if you don't mind falling into trash cans (one of my magic tricks) you wind up with friends who think that's cool too.
That said, I suspect you aren't an alcoholic yet. You are just using it for all the wrong reasons, as you say, and you can see it's getting into heavy territory. But why not admit you need help and ask for it? That's what you did when you came here, after all.
I'll stop here, because I don't want this to sound like I'm preaching. Just bear in mind that people who are alcoholics so often start out like you have, and then discover one day how cruel a master drinking can become.
Much love,
Larry
Hauser
Registrant
That "he wins" will be the least of your problems if you become physically addicted to alcohol. Alcohol withdrawl can be a BITCH. If you've been drinking every day for many years, you could well be addicted and not know it until you stop, when you get those shakes and cold sweats. It really sucks believe me, that's another reason not to drink every day, if that is, in fact, what you're doing.
Jay, go there, but don't drink. Confront your Mom and Dad and ask them why they let you get perped and let him get away with it. If they can't handle it, at least you'll know that you tried to talk to them about it. I sense that you need acknowledgment on their part for failing to protect you. I got my parents (one of them) to outright admit it, and I felt better after having the courage to bring it up.
Sometimes you gotta say "fuck it I'm talking to them about it right now" and just do it.
But Jay, I also don't know the true nature of your relationship with your parents, so my suggestions may not be appropriate for your situation, I'll leave that for you to decide.
Jay, go there, but don't drink. Confront your Mom and Dad and ask them why they let you get perped and let him get away with it. If they can't handle it, at least you'll know that you tried to talk to them about it. I sense that you need acknowledgment on their part for failing to protect you. I got my parents (one of them) to outright admit it, and I felt better after having the courage to bring it up.
Sometimes you gotta say "fuck it I'm talking to them about it right now" and just do it.
But Jay, I also don't know the true nature of your relationship with your parents, so my suggestions may not be appropriate for your situation, I'll leave that for you to decide.
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
I don't mean to pile on the bad news or gang up on you, but Hauser is saying what he does because it's the truth and that's what you need to hear.
Also a brief comment on this:
Much love,
Larry
I don't mean to pile on the bad news or gang up on you, but Hauser is saying what he does because it's the truth and that's what you need to hear.
Also a brief comment on this:
Actually the opposite is true. Saying you need help and asking for it is to refuse to be silenced any longer. It is to say that you and not the abuse will decide your future from now on. It's a way of saying that you refuse to allow what he did to hijack your life.
Much love,
Larry
Actually... no, I need to talk about this.
When you say what you said about Hauser's comment, that's triggering to me so rather than reply and try to explain, freak out and cause everyone to have a real bad day, I'm going to ignore it.
I've never been able to just come out and ask for help. The "who wins" thing, I never thought about it that way before... I'll give it some thought.
Goddamn I would love to be able to just come out and ask for help, or confront the old man, or cry, or love something other than alcohol/drugs and my motorcycle!
When you say what you said about Hauser's comment, that's triggering to me so rather than reply and try to explain, freak out and cause everyone to have a real bad day, I'm going to ignore it.
I've never been able to just come out and ask for help. The "who wins" thing, I never thought about it that way before... I'll give it some thought.
Goddamn I would love to be able to just come out and ask for help, or confront the old man, or cry, or love something other than alcohol/drugs and my motorcycle!
mphsrvivor
Registrant
Jaysen, just my 2 cents worth about the "He wins" comment... Taking steps to better yourself is not saying he wins. It's saying he's lost. You have enough strength left in you to not give in. You are the winner in this case. It is you saying ou will not be a victim of the past any longer.
I hope you decide to do whatever's necessary for your safety and sanity. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do. As far as the family reunion mentioned at the beginning of the post, maybe now isn't the right time for you to put yourself through something like that.
I hope you decide to do whatever's necessary for your safety and sanity. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do. As far as the family reunion mentioned at the beginning of the post, maybe now isn't the right time for you to put yourself through something like that.
Jaysen . . . I just wanted to let you know that I went to AA to stop drinking without rehab and all of that . . . it was hard and weird, especially in the beginning. But I have learned to live without booze for almost 5 years now . . . a day a time, as they say.
I wouldn't show up for this gathering just yet. My tactic has been to show up for myself first and to deal with my family when I love and understand myself more and can see their shit as theirs . . . not mine. Best, J
I wouldn't show up for this gathering just yet. My tactic has been to show up for myself first and to deal with my family when I love and understand myself more and can see their shit as theirs . . . not mine. Best, J
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
You don't owe anyone explanations here, just say what you want and how you feel.
On this:
Much love,
Larry
You don't owe anyone explanations here, just say what you want and how you feel.
On this:
All these things take time Jay. You have made a LOT of progress since you came here, but give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. No one is keeping a tally on you or looking to judge you. The important thing is to stay on the path, but also to find your own pace and keep safe.
Much love,
Larry