Family Matters

Family Matters
H

hanginon

Registrant
I am sad today. Besides the looming deaths that are more likely to happen thanks to Ohio election results...

My parents' 50th wedding anniversary is this week. Long story short, I am a survivor of incest with an older brother who is not gay, like I have been since 17 years old (out).

My life has been full of abusive relationships, running away emotionally and physically (as far as Europe for 10 years), I have been the "black sheep" of the family for my lifetime.

both of my gay cousins who lived in NYC (close by) have passed away from AIDS, and i cannot tolerate the silence and shame that clouds my siblings' lives. they (my brothers and sister) hate me, i don't know why.

i had to decline to go on a three day cruise celebrating my parents anniversary to avoid being isolated on a cruise ship with them...who knows what would have happened.

at any rate, my mother is laying on the guilt heavy and i feel so badly, because i truly love my parents but have pent up anger about how i have been the scape goat for the entire family and no one will address how f%$#ed up my life is thanks to my decisions based on NO boundaries...thanks to my ass^%$# brother who abused me.

how can i get beyond this? the emails from my mother break my heart but also inspire a self-righteous reaction.

how do i get beyond this?

help.

john
 
John,

I am so sorry you are feeling so down today. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from your family's situation and your mother's guilt-tripping? I have also experienced a lot of sadness recently. Painting (watercolors) and drawing, even though I haven't a lick of talent, has worked very well to distract me and help me to cope. (My husband left without a word of warning.)

Have you considered telling your family or someone in your family about what your brother did to you? Have you considered confronting your brother with what he did to you? If he hates you, it might be because you remind him of what he did. You are not the cause of your family's dis-ease. Your brother is.

Somewhere in this website there is an article that contains a lot of good advice about informing one's family about SA. You should read it before ever saying anything to any family member about your SA. In fact, after reading it you may decide not to reveal the SA to them. In the meantime post your heart out in the Male Survivors' Only public forum and consider becoming a member so you can use the private Male Survivors' forum. A lot of men have found help here. You will too.

My best to you,
Mary
 
Hey John

Wow, there's the hundred gazillion dollar question: how to get beyond it.

I don't know your family situation...like how much do they know? Hopefully their lack of compassion is linked to their lack of understanding. I know that those of us who haven't experienced this abuse for ourselves can't possibly comprehend the impact, but if we care and sincerely want to be a support to people we love we can.

It's hard for a mother to accept that one of her children would do such a thing to another. As a mom, I like believing all my kids are absolutely perfect angels. But nobody is, and people mess up. Ok so they mess up. We talk about it, deal with it, and everyone moves forward from there. The problem is, some mess ups are pretty big, and the consequences are far reaching. Guilt trips don't do it, or force, or manipulation, or "get over it", or shoving it under the carpet. The consequences are still there, and unfortunately, sometimes the one who did the wrong isn't the one suffering them. We can't "undo" anything, what's done is done, but understanding goes a looooong way. Honestly, even though it is a really hard thing for a mom to face, it really would be easier and more effective to face it, and help your brother as well as you. In the eternal words of kids everywhere: "He started it!" None of it was your choice.

Sometimes if you have trouble explaining something difficult to an "in denial" parent, if someone else explains it, somehow they take it in a little different light. I've seen this work. Like I said, I don't know your situation, or what they already know, but if they are in the "get over it" mode, they aren't getting it. Actually that's a good thing, cuz if they WERE getting it and still behaving like that, it would feel even worse.

I hope your absence from the party will make more of a statement than they have previously been willing to hear. If they think about it, they will realize why you wouldn't want to put yourself in that position.

I think in order for your mother to understand, she needs information. I could not have comprehended anywhere near what I do now without reading articles, reading stuff here, and talking to people. She needs to know it's not "just you" being dramatic or something.

I'm probably rambling, but just reflecting on being a mom, being an "outsider", and knowing what I needed to have the insight to actually be a strength. It's not your fault, and it stinks that it's like you have to provide the tools to fix something you didn't break.

I know for me, I have never ever ever gotten beyond anything without talking it out.

I hope things get better.

Hugs,
Lynn
 
thank you both for responding. i am hurting badly today but your responses are like a life line. i am glad i chose this group - you both are nice.

my parents have known about the abuse since i was 10, it happened for about a year.

i was a very pretty boy growing up, and having a close relationship with my sister 4 years older helped my gay "gene" right along.

i came out of the closet when i was 17 years old in a city in illinois (not too small but not chicago)...when i got older, my looks were always an easy mark for men looking to exploit a young pretty boy...you get the picture?

i have been in therapy for over 5 years now. my life has been a long list of addictions, primarily sexual until about two months ago (i am finally sober for a while)...

i had a serious relationship that ended because of the sexual addiction (an outcome of the abuse, you know,, right?)...and i am still in love with him...

but with the way things are going in this country, the possiblities of gay civil rights and having a dignified life in a "civilized" country as the US strives for, well...four more years,

it's a sad time for me but you both helped me - thanks for your responses.

john
 
John, this is really tough situation.
I can not help you much expect to tell you what I see (I apology if I do not see things correctly).
Of course you are the only one that at the end have to decide what to do.

You have many unsolved questions with all family members. On the first look I thought that this anniversary is not good for trying to solve all these issues, but if you are already isolated from your family, as you told, then I think that is right time and occasion to go to meet with all of them.
You can run away from your family but you can not run away from yourself.

You said that the plenty of guilt is on your mother. I would try to speak about it with her. I would definitely tell her how much acceptance of your pain do you need from her.

Your brother is the hardest issue. I assume that he will be on the boat also.
I do not have data what kind of relation, if any, is between you at present time.
What exactly would you tell him? Did you ever tried to speak to him? What is his real attitude under the mask that he wears in public? What do you feel, except anger, about him?

You also said that your family is homophobic. So we have an extra complication overall but this should be the smallest problem for you.

I do not know, you should be really prepared and ready to address so many hard issues with your family. Can you keep your mind cool with all this during these three days?

You have more than plenty reasons to stay away from this trip but also maybe it is time to try to solve at least some of the problems as well as to prepare ground, by breaking the isolation, for real confrontation with your brother on some other occasion.

I would firstly try to cool myself as much as possible. Then I would try to answer what would I want to do for myself. This is something that you owe to yourself, forget about wishes of other (including your mom).

Remember, whatever you decide it wouldn't be perfect solution but would be the best for you in this moment.

Take care.
Ivo
 
Hi John,

I recognize a lot of my boyfriend's family in what you say... his family is full of fights and old angers, it is very sad. The first Christmas I spent as a member of the family, I was blown away by what I saw there-- everyone opened presents, took photos-- and then split into three separate groups to go around visiting, because some people were fighting with grandma and didn't want to go to HER house, others were fighting with Cousin whoever and not going to HIS house... no one really saying why... I think a lot of it is about abuse and denial of abuse, Cousin Whoever doesn't believe what Other Cousin has to say about the Other One, and on and on. I was just on the outside looking in, and it felt oppressive to me. I can't imagine what it felt like to my boyfriend.

John, I would say that your feelings of sorrow and self-righteousness are both appropriate. I think maybe sometimes as kids we are taught that there is no "good" self-righteous feeling... but sometimes it is just the self-care and healthy pride that we have been forbidden.

Maybe it would help you to separate the pride you should feel for yourself, because you are getting sober and because you are taking a stand and doing what is best for yourself, and call that self-care instead of self-righteousness. Even if that pride comes with a sorrow of its own, that you had to get sober/ stand up for yourself in the first place.

You're allowed this sorrow, and some anger besides... and some happiness too on the other side.

Take care,
SAR
 
John,

Do you realize you told a Republican lady, age 57, that she is nice? Thank you very much for the compliment. It alarms me that you feel that the results of the election this week will not allow you to lead a dignified life. Why ever not? Dignity is yours for the taking. You are trying hard to give up your addiction to sexual acting out, and you have achieved success. Congratulate yourself and treat yourself to something special. You are a very special and valuable person. The world would be worse off without you. I would be worse off if I hadn't met you here.

In order to keep yourself on track and to receive support in your on-going effort, you might try AA. It's my understanding that AA is open to people with any kind of addiction, not just alcohol and drugs. Several of the men here have gone to AA meetings regularly for help with various addictions and have had satisfactory experiences. Try it and see if it works out for you.

I was once a very pretty single girl living in a large city. There are lots of people who are attracted to a person just because they're good looking, and they aren't the least bit inclined to any more than a superficial interest in the other (good-looking) person. Such people are not worth your time. If I understand you correctly, you are interested forming a serious relationship. So be suspicious of men who are drawn to you because of your appearance rather than who you are as a human being.

I think you made the right choice by not going on the anniversary cruise with your family. Three days is a long time -- too long to keep up the pretense of one big happy family. Perhaps you could throw a small party for your parents or invite them out to a really special restaurant. It might help to placate your mother. How does your father feel about you not going on the cruise? Does he understand your feelings? At any rate, you do not deserve any of the guilt that's being dished out. I hope you are able to protect yourself from it and to give up whatever guilt you might be inflicting upon yourself.

Keep your chin up, John. I have a feeling things are not quite as bad as you fear.

Best wishes,
Mary
 
Mary, et al,
You are all so kind to take time to respond to help me think and feel this whole thing through.

First of all, I am not at all a partisan about politics. I am acually a socialist (NOT a communist, mind you) so liberal is a term that I am not ashamed to wear. I don't mind calling a Republican "nice" because there are a few of them out there (just kidding). It's not the party that I fear, it's the extreme religious right, which is to whom they are attributing this record turnout, and the "issues" that got them to vote were not the WAR and the ECONOMY but rather the "morals issues" - and gay marriage is the leading issue.

With the "mandate" he is talking about we gays fear that the supreme court justices will not only allow for an admendment to prohibit our relationships from being validated, but will further prohibit our civil rights. This only confirms what I feel is the demise of everyone's civil liberties.

In short, the political scenario matches my personal scenario quite a bit. My sister and her husband (who I consider fascist since he told me sister early on he didn't want to have children because there were too many gays on her side of the family)...they would be gloating about Bush winning for moral reasons. My brother, the perpetrator, who understands what "civilization" really means, having lived in Europe for many years (like me, he in France, me in Spain)...the most alarming thing about the US is that we promote our country as a free country, but your level of freedom depends upon who you sleep with. Ironic how my perpatrator "gets it"...huh?

Anyway, I don't mean to go off on politics but when it touches ones life on such a personal level, thinking that 50% of the population can't allow for true inclusion, well, I lose my confidence in the future.

My father? He knows all, too, but it is really with him that I have discovered I am most angry. My therapist asked me to think about particular incidents of my abuse because he was having a hard time figuring out why I was having such a hard time letting go, moving to the next step, too.

Well, when I ithought about it a lot, I barely recall an incident when I was engaged in sexual acts with my brother and for some reason I was in front of my father naked with an erection. He didn't abuse me, mind you, but he didn't protect me, either.

I was an eight year old boy when all this happened. Since I was probably gay already, I always dismissed my abuse as "normal boy play" and for years, almost my entire life, I "forgave" my brother because "he was just a kid, too".

Well, now almost 40 years later, I realize how awful the abuse was for me. Where I am today, alone and lonely with a broken heart and many problems stemming from self-inflicted abuse since I was 17....it's all about what happened to me when I was 8.

I am surrounded by friends who were victims, too. They help me to "benchmark" my progress, good and bad. I wish we could all take a pill and bring back the boundaries we need so desperately to function.
NOT (mind you) to change who I am (a proud gay male)...but to help me be better at being who I am.

I never worried too much about WHY I am gay, I want to focus on HOW I am gay. Which is what I wish 50% of this country would realize! If we don't support gays (they exist, they always have, always will even in the animal kingdom)...if we can move beyond the issue of whether it is a choice or not...perhaps all the social problems that stem from men who can't BE who they are without social stygma would decrease.

I don't link pederasty with homosexuality directly, but if the Catholic priests who molest boys and Michael Jackson had more likelihood to come out and be accepted as GAY (not pederasts), maybe there'd be less incestual or abusive things occuring.

Isn't that our goal here? To help minimize the abuse? NOT to try to make all men heterosexual. We (gays) don't need the added shame that this country's religious right want to lay upon us.

Like the abuse, sexual orientation is no one's "fault"...dignity is not available for the taking, I regret. Gay dignity will depend largely upon the coming supreme court justices that W has the power to appoint. His "mandate" frightens me.

As Americans usually say, "if you don't like it, leave." I am starting to re-establish my connections in Spain so I can do just that. I want to return to a place where people don't care who you sleep with, they don't even care what you do for a living or how much money you make. All that matters in MAdrid (for the most part), from my experience, is that you are kind, warm, and fun to be around.

I had a lot of friends of every size, shape, and political bent in Spain who loved me for who I am and whom I was able to love back in just the same way. I have been back in the US for almost 10 years; life here is completely segregated, no real "melting pot" - the gays go with the gays; the blacks with the blacks; etc.

Thanks for your help with this. I am sorry we have to declare who we are politically in two ways only. Life is so much more nuanced than black or white, no?

Warmly,
john
 
John,

Thank you for telling us so plainly how you feel and why. Your response deserves much more than I can write now. My head is aching badly, and I need to go to bed. (It is 11:30 pm here in the greater Chicago area.) You will probably not hear from me until Monday because tomorrow I'm visiting my daughter. But I promise you that you will hear from me. Thank you again for your post.

My best to you,
Mary
 
Thanks for reading my diatribe about the politics of being gay in the US today. I apologize for making such brash statements - things are probably not nearly as bad as I see them.

One update, the "party" on the cruise ship has come and gone and it's over. I thought I would be better once the fated event was behind me. Well, it's not. I haven't heard one word about the affair, and maybe that hurts, too.

All my life, especially as a young boy, I felt like my family was a cast of actors who were fooling me all along with the "love" that a family is supposed to feel and hold dear.

Last night, I went out to buy "Capturing the Friedmans" - a film about a family whose father abused children (or not) and the falling apart and denial of the siblings. Well, it wasn't nearly as much of a trigger as I thought it would be (hoping, maybe?) - I keep looking for something to help me make sense of all the things I have been through in my own life, and this site is quite helpful.

Anyway, I am having a hard time today wanting to continue to fight for my own life. I need help, but don't know where to begin. I am lonely.

John
 
John,

Your words really touch me this morning. I don't know if I can help you to feel less lonely but I want you to know that I "hear" you.

I think part of healing and living is acceptance that we will not be able to make "sense" out of some things... and that's not all bad... celebrating or at least accepting that some things are not for us to know.

When I look at the ocean I know I can't possibly "make sense" out of its depths, and in a way I am glad that I can't. Other people are like oceans to us, I think. Terrible acts are like this too, we don't always put them in the same overwhelming category as oceans and mountains but they are.

I guess I am trying to say, please take good care of yourself, please choose wisely when it comes to what you will try to understand, because we can consume ourselves trying to make sense out of what is always partially hidden. I wish all of us here could love ourselves and let the rest go.

I'm rambling here,
SAR
 
I thought that once the family cruise was behind me, things would be easier to deal with - but now I see I have a lifetime ahead of me when no one in my family shows any type of remorse or concern that i excluded myself.

I am having an even harder time now that it's over. No one cares. I wish I could figure out a way to just disappear forever and never be bothered by anyone who pretends to love me.

My life is full of abandonment and pain and I don't know if I can go on much longer.

Thanks for your messages, I am in real trouble.

Peace.
 
Hey John,

I understand those feelings. I finally told my mother how I felt about "things", how I felt I was seen by the rest of the family etc. just a few years ago. She was surprised. She said, "I knew you were sensitive, but I didn't know you were THAT sensitive, or that you felt that way." Sometimes...most of the time...I'm still not so sure that I was seeing things in an exaggerated manner as they would like to think. It's just easier for everyone to think "I" am seeing everything distortedly, and who knows...maybe I am!

Sometimes, people don't know how to deal with what you are dealing with, or even what to think or what the first "domino" in the progression should be, so they do nothing, or try to pretend it didn't happen, or wait for it to reveal itself, or that it isn't really as bad as they don't want it to be.

I used to think like this: If they really cared, or were really interested, they would "notice" and wonder, and maybe even ask what is wrong, and at least try to help. If I mattered, THEY would see because they would be interested in ME. I put the responsibility of my needs on them. It just made me feel worse. This is kinda what I'm feeling when I read your post. I hear ya.

Sometimes I still start to go down that road, then I remember that people aren't mind readers. I don't notice every little thing about every person I care about. I really do try though because of my own experience. I don't want my kids especially to feel like I did. Sometimes I need a "hint". Some people "hide" well. Apparently I did.

It took a LOT of guts to say anything to my mother. I found out that I didn't know what she had been thinking any more than she knew what I was thinking. It really didn't change anything as far as attitude or behavior. What it did accomplish was I SAID it, she heard it, and I heard what her perspective had been. Years ago I "adopted" another mom who loved me for me and let me know it. She taught me how to be what I knew I wanted to be...like her. She taught me to love. She taught me well.

My brothers and sister? They are closer to each other. I live 1000 miles away and don't get to be home except every couple years or so. I also changed religions 29 years ago, and THAT went over big, lemme tell ya. If I didn't "fit' before, I really didn't then.

I know there is a link in families. I also have learned that family is not about "biology". I am sooo glad. If we believe that God is real, then we are ALL family anyway. I have several kids who I didn't give birth to that are just as "mine" in my heart...I love them just as much and would do anything for them.

You are in the right place here, seeking the right things, and asking the right questions. Please don't give up. Whether they ever understand or not, you will find what you are looking for. It just may be in a place you least expect.

I hope you can find a way to enjoy the journey...as Theo always says...journey well. I like that!

Hugs,
Lynn
 
John,

Someone much wiser than myself once told me that there is no "getting over" this, as much as I wish it were otherwise. There is truly no way but THROUGH, and once you have found the right people to talk to, confide in, help you, then the "through" is there. It gets much easier. It doesn't seem that way, my friend, but it does.

The same person told me that you are responsable only for what YOU do. I'm so sorry your family isn't more supportive, but now you have to look beyond that and do the things YOU need to do to become better, whole and well. I must admit, now I'm forgetting if you mentioned it (I'm getting older - sue me! :D ), but are you in therapy? Are you getting the right help for what you need? Please remember that, for the time being, you CANNOT chenge the minds and hearts of those who don't want to be changed, but you CAN do things for you. You can be there for yourself, and that's truly more important now.

You've found the greatest buncha people in the universe, and I cannot wait to hear more from you.

Peace and love, my friend,

Scot
 
John, I have found your posts to be very moving. I'm a married closeted bisexual (well husband knows, but that's about it) mom and I lived a strictly gay lifestyle in Northern California for 7 years (there are so many lesbians in Santa Cruz, you can practically forget about straight people! That's why I moved there to go to university). During that time, I missed lots of Christmases and Thanksgivings with my family. It was very painful for me. I didn't think I had the choice to be in a hetero relationship at the time, and my family's non-acceptance was excruciating.
Is your sister serious, that she can't have kids because her husband's afraid they'll turn out gay? And she said this to you? HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO CRUEL? Well, she just married an asshole is all. What can you do about that?
I wish I had good advice for you or something. I just hope you have a good therapist. You will not survive, I don't think, if you can't get past the trauma. Does your therapist do EMDR? There are new therapies that are hypnosis-based that can truly eradicate the pain that gets knotted up in your belly, in your throat, in your heart, in your groin....I might sound strange here but I did it a few years back and I feel like a new person now. Well I wouldn't have survived without it because I tried traditional talk therapy lots and still my depression or anxiety kept coming back.
I'm thinking of how strange it is that we humans totally "flip out" when someone else's sexual practices are different from our own. What is that all about, anyway? I have been flipping out hard core for the last six weeks, since my husband told me he and his brother engaged in oral sex together when they were kids (he's two years older) and that his dad had 3-way sex with him and some 23 year-old girlfriend when he was 12. I'm like EEEEEWWWWW! Your dad is a child molestor! Your brother is a freak! But from my husband's point of view, no, Jewish men are just super sexual and his dad wasn't his primary father figure anyway since he was raised by his step-dad. He's in therapy now and has acknowledged that it was a betrayal by his father to do this, that he deserved better than a 23 year old druggie slut as his first woman and that yeah, maybe his dad shouldn't have been in the room. I'm demanding he see a sex-specific therapist to make sure he isn't attracted to children because in my mind it's all unforgivable abuse and I'm terrified of those men now and want my daughter never to be anywhere near them.
I keep wondering how much older your brother is than you, or if he held some kind of power over you? Since finding out about my h and his bro, I keep reading if the age difference is no more than 4 years then it's like "equals experimenting" - is this how your brother sees it, or have you never even talked about it? If he's much older then eewww, that's pretty awful. I guess even if he's not that much older and you experienced it as exploitation and abuse then that is what is truth.
I think your posts show how much sensitivity and beauty you possess and I am praying for you right now you may find peace somehow with those who have trespassed against you. Like I said, I don't feel like I'm one much for advice and I do hope you don't hate me because I'm bi and now get to experience the advantages and privileges given to straight people in this stupid stupid world (and pretty much get to just block out the inequality and unfairness that's experienced when you're gay). I'm realizing I have a lot of bitterness and anger and this is something I'm going to have to work out next in therapy (now that trauma and grief have been worked through). So I'm happy you expressed your anger and frustration, I can relate, and feel like I could learn a lot from you.
I agree America can be a difficult place to live - especially these days. In lots of ways I feel lucky to be in Canada, away from the turmoil, away from the past. It feels like a more sane place to raise children. But it sounds like going to Spain made you feel like even more of a black sheep, even more fractured from your family of origin. I think what I got out of therapy that maybe you could find for yourself was that I realized I was the sensitive one (which you definitely seem to be) and became the easy scapegoat for all family dysfunction (and I was the lightning rod that could see and call out all the bs and abuse in my family). Once this became more and more clear and I was able to re-experience and release the pain of things my sister did, my parents did, etc., I just got stronger and stronger until I knew I was a worthwhile person and they were the screwed up ones, not me. But at the same time I feel compassion because we're all screwed up in some way, and we all hurt one another. It's just nice now because I live life on MY terms, finally! I have those people in my life in whatever way I feel is healthy or useful to me, and that's it (I'll only communicate with my one sister through email, for example).
I wish I could play your girlfriend, we could go back in time and go on that cruise, and just be gorgeous and fabulous together and laugh at how dreary and unenlightened everyone else is. You could say we eloped (oops! sorry forgot about those pesky invitations!), and I'm already expecting (poor, barren sis!)
As you can see I really like revenge. Maybe this is a character flaw, I don't know. I just want you to be able to get the feeling of floating above all the nonsense and just feeling good about yourself because you deserve to. No, it won't be easy, maybe it is near impossible to have dignity if you're gay in the US. But I do think with the right therapy or spiritual path when you're ready it is possible to find greater peace wherever you are. And I'm praying for you!
 
I thought that once the family cruise was behind me, things would be easier to deal with - but now I see I have a lifetime ahead of me when no one in my family shows any type of remorse or concern that i excluded myself.

I am having an even harder time now that it's over. No one cares. I wish I could figure out a way to just disappear forever and never be bothered by anyone who pretends to love me.

My life is full of abandonment and pain and I don't know if I can go on much longer.

Thanks for your messages, I am in real trouble.
Click to expand...
Ride out the impending feeling of loss and loneliness.. I too am an abuse survivor (currently married to an SA survivor) and I know the pain of having no choice but to "cut loose" from my family of origin. Its an awful choice - you want them in your life but they are so damn toxic you have to cut them out because they hurt you so much. Its a horrible conundrum.

I have found that over time others (and sometimes others' parents) have become suitable surrogates for my family.. nothing can FULLY replace the role my family of origin should have played.. and there is always a tiny bit of sadness in my heart, but at least NOW I am surrounded with people who love and support me and understand appropriate behaviour and boundaries, people who are in my life due to my own choosing, not people who were forced on me due to the circumstances of my birth.

I still do have an awful compulsion once in awhile to turn to my family of origin for the support.. every once in awhile I slip up and call them or contact them and then BOOM I am whacked again with the reality that they are still so locked in their own selfishness and lack of awareness that they just cant help being jerks. I have to give myself a shake and say "why did I think they'd be there for me when over time they've not". I guess the key to this is managing expectations, but it does take time to grieve the loss of what you wished them to be, and then accept them for who and where they are and don't seek something from people who just can't give it.

Ride out the pain and loneliness of this initial discovery about your family.... its painful for sure. Stay strong. There are many others out there who have been in your shoes (like me).

I guarantee that just because your family of origin is not so good for you, you will eventually shape a life to your liking, full of loving and supportive people of your own choosing. You will NOT nor do you have to be a lonely person just because your family of origin is composed of nutcases who are unable to be decent human beings to you.

The sadness and loneliness you feel now is only a temporary condition. Unfortunately life is full of losses and goodbyes, some more painful than others, but life is also full of the opportunity to meet wonderful and outstanding human beings who will astound and surprise you and bring so much to your life, and who will nurture you in some unbelievably positive ways.

P
 
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