Family Annihilator

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Family Annihilator
No. Not in the common sense of the term. But in a way that was probably worse.

My step-father, Ken, started abusing me at 4, which I have said before. I tried to tell at 9 again, I have said that before. Shortly after, he kidnapped me and took me to Salt Lake City, where his abuse got even more violent. He was arrested for drug possession and kicked out of the state, taking me with him. When we got back home to Tucson, my mother let him back in, despite what he had done to me. I then had to protect my 3-year-old brother from him, putting myself in the middle and taking the abuse instead of him.

A year later, we kids were taken away by the State due to my mother's drunkenness and his drug addictions. We were separated and sent to different foster homes. My sister was eight, and my brother was five. We were never together as a family unit again until we were all adults. Though I did not realize it at the time, the damage had been done. For years, I desperately tried to make us a family again, but it was too late.

I haven't spoken to my brother since 1995 (his father was my abuser) and my sister in 15 years. I found out all of us had been molested at different points in our lives, with mine going on for the longest, at 13 years. Our family was annihilated by a man that couldn't keep his hands to himself. I never told my brother what his father had done to me and what I saved him from.

So. I have no family. Because of that man. I have been on my own since I was 10. I was the only one who got treatment and I am at peace with the situation now. Our family is gone and that is sad. But I will never forget what was done to us because of him.
 
Have you tried reaching out to them?
 
understood. be blessed Jaxson - you have BROTHERS here at MS who care about you!!
 
My family experience was painful but not the horror show you experienced Jaxson. Deep respect for all the work you've put into healing from your personal war zone and how early trauma spilled into the rest of your life. I know I've leaned into what I call my family of choice after having moved two thousand miles away from my family of origin. I've shared holidays with a family I met through a spiritual teacher, am god-father to their two children, the oldest of whom is 31 years old. I officiated at her half-brother's wedding a few years ago. I met Jesse when he was seven and we played ping pong when we got together. We don't see each other often, but as I reflect on all the places where pain existed in my life, it has been comforting to remember I've made friends who became like family for me. There home was safe. From things you've said I expect you've done something like that for yourself. It is what we do because none of us is really a solitary animal. We need connection. No doubt even MaleSurvivor can feel like family... we may not know one another's real name but we know we've all shared the horror of sexual trauma. I can't say that about any other group of people in my life.
 
From things you've said I expect you've done something like that for yourself. It is what we do because none of us is really a solitary animal. We need connection.
I DO have a family of choice, sort of. And I have made many friends here. But all of them have blood relatives who they are close to. Sometimes makes me feel like a third wheel. But all is good in the end.
 
I often joke that the family installs the buttons that then get pushed for ever and ever... Disengaging from our families of origin, even if it doesn't involve a geographic is essential to having our own lives. It is called growing up. Unfortunately, most of us are carrying trauma rooted in our family of origin so understanding the family dynamics and disentangling ourselves from the mess can be confusing and harrowing. But that is why we're all here... to heal and let the traumatic past BE the past rather than the stuff of our present lives. Good work to be doing, even though at times very painful.
 
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