Hi Mike, thanks for starting this thread.
A big mistake I continue to make over and over again is to believe that logic, false or other, is the effective way to experience emotions.
And that, I'm afraid, is absolutely not true.
So in a way whether the logic is false or true matters little, because in order for me to process, digest, move through, and make progress by means of what I am feeling, I must actually have the experience of that emotion.
Talking about, understanding logically, intellectually parsing and other rational attempts at defusing the emotional content of my life is like reading a map and expecting to then look up and find myself arrived at the destination. It helps to be able to read the map, but it's not the end of the process.
Understanding the directions is no substitute for taking one step after another on the path toward what I am seeking.
Logic, of any kind, applied to emotions, is an attempt to apply laws of one realm to an entirely different world with its own laws and dynamics.
That's why false logic seems to work just as well as true logic in dealing with what are essentially emotional disturbances.
Perps are nothing but animals, acting on animal instincts for desires
To me, this statement represents an attempt to impose logical constraints on situations that themselves deny any logic. Sexual abuse does not represent a logical construct. They are not rational events, therefore they are immune to rational deconstruction and understanding.
As an expression of hatred, anger, bitterness, revenge, superiority and many other emotions which will help me separate my identity from the abuser, it may well be of temporary assistance to view the perpetrator as an animal, less than human, so different than me that I am able to despise him for what he did.
But in the long run, I feel strongly that the true healing for me comes at the moment that I realize that the abuser, perpetrator is disturbingly like me. A human being with the power of choice, who has chosen wrongly, and who is unwilling or unable to show or feel remorse for the harm he has done.
Thinking of the perpetrator as a possible "me", forces me to assume the burden of responsibility for my actions and to monitor my behavior, because it is not animals who harmed me, but men of flesh and blood, made in the image of God just like me who have made irresponsible choices in their behavior and done grievous harm to me and others.
No seeking argument here either, so please forgive my tendency to sound pedantic or argumentative on my part. I knew I should never have studied French literature!
I'm really trying to say that our false logic represents the best that we are able to do at the time to deal with difficult if not impossible situations.
For me, what a lot of my recovery from sexual abuse comes down to is finding better, more effective ways to process, handle, survive, grow through and recover from the effects of sexual abuse. Better ways, meaning that what I have done up until now was OK too.
There are many solutions to the problems brought about by sexual abuse. Some of them are harmful to me as a person; compulsive behavior, alcohol and substance abuse, promiscuity, these and many others are types of solutions. Not great ones, but solutions none the less.
These poor solutions have kept me alive long enough to get here where I have a chance to find better, more effective, loving and growth filled solutions.
I really appreciate you and the other guys here being a part of that better solution for me. I continue to seek more and continue to be rewarded with more chance for emotional expression and healing. Then I have no more need for my false logic.
Thanks for a great topic. I really needed it today. My thinking today is "If I had more money, my problems would be solved." "Or if I could get laid, I would not feel so lonely."
Gratefully,
