failure (triggers)

failure (triggers)
C

crisispoint

Registrant
I'm a frigging failure.

My life's a mess, I owe so much money and my credit's shot to hell, which is my own doing and I have noone to blame but myself. but the fucking bastards took parts of my life.

more flashbacks, more memroies, always come when I'm feeling depressed. fucking minor league stuff compared to everything else, but i feel so dirty, so fucking dirty.

if it wasn't for the pain of everyone else, I would surely finish it this morning. as it stands right now, i could drink myself to oblivion, and it's a good thing there are no booze stores open this early.

i'm toxic. i ruin everything i touch, but i can't stop. life won't stop for me.

help. i'm sorry.

scot
 
Scot,

You're not a failure at all. Maybe you're feeling the stress of having your name on the letter to the AG. I bet that it's one thing to tell people here who you are, and something else entirely to tell someone in public life, at least in terms of stress levels.

You're in a rough spot because you took on a big challenge. They say we get things as we're strong enough to deal with them. Sometimes we're just strong enough to deal with them. Sometimes part of our strength is the support we have.

We're supporting you. Wanna know why? (If you don't wanna know stop reading now, 'cause I'm on a roll. :) )
i ruin everything i touch
Click to expand...
I disagree. You have touched me. I am better for it.

Hang in there, Scot. You're due better times, and they are coming.

Joe
 
scot,
bro, if you ruin everything you touch, then your shared journey with me would be a failure...i can assure you, that is not the case. with who else can i make reference to the star trek universe and be understood? with who else could i start the lone ranger theme and share a smile :) ? it sucks right now, i know. talk about credit rating? mine is so much in the negative that i can't borrow a buck for a cup of coffee. the visa i have is made of rubber.

seriously, i know it is bad right now, scot. it is so much easier to make categorical statements when we are feeling so low and filthy. to paraphrase clarence from my favorite movie of all time, "no man is a failure who has friends"--from it's a wonderful life. scot, breathe deeply for a few. count to ten in sanskrit, backwards. or try doing it in redneck. the poiint is that you are not alone, and your journey has touched mine in profound ways that have made me a better man. i am here, pm me, bro, i mean it.
 
Hi Scot

I'm the failure around here as I took a drink again last week but managed to put the bottle down the following day. Ive done this twice before in the last few months whammo Im a it again.I dont know what Im trying to do? Well I do I want to give my wife the impression i can control my drinking. Thats the insanity of alcoholism. Im 48 years of age for gods sake and was introduced to AA at the age of 17/18 you would have thought that it would have sunk in by now. But my yearning for oblivion overwhelms me sometimes. I still feel like a failure and a weakling though.

Hang in there Scott dont do what I did its not worth it!

Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My story (Triggers) at https://waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
Scot,

You are no more of a failure than I am. You have that of kindness about you that has kept me going.

I am at my wit's end. But I am still here. And you are such a big part of that.

You were there for me yesterday. And I know you feel you didn't help. It wasn't you. It was something no one could have done anything about, short of holding me through the tears.

But you did help. Because you let me know I was important to you. And you are important to me.

Peace and love, bro.

Marc
 
Taking one or two steps sideways isn't failing.
Failing is when we turn around and go back, or don't even start healing in the first place.

As long as we 'know' what's going on within us, and make the brave step to say "HELP" then we're not failing.

I last 'succesfully' acted out in early 1998, but I've been dangerously tempted since then, although not recently.
The major turning point for me was looking at my temptation to act out, and sometimes actually going to the old places I knew men were looking for sex, and altering my perception of what I was doing as going sideways or at worst stalling. And I could justify that perception by talking about what I'd done / fantasized either in therapy or with my wife.
And ever time I asked for help the next urge seemed easier to put down and further away.

I think it's important to keep track of our behaviours, and the intensity of our urges. But we have to do it constantly and maintain a proper perspective of our progress, it's the only sure way of seeing that we aren't actually going backwards, we're just stalling a bit.

Dave
 
scott,
i just want you to know that i relate to you. you are not a failure, you helped me see i am not the only one who feels this way at times and it feels like shit or worse.
i hurt, i need meds, i need therapy, i had a panic attack, i abused drugs, i still go on drinking binges about bi-weekly, i have acted out sexually before - i am as big of one of whatever you think as you have been.
however, we are here, our brothers love usand care for us. we can get through this.
i hate to do the a.a. thing, but one day at a time. i freaked out monday and thursday. even had to leave work yesterday. how fucked up is that?
anyhow, i am here and understand. i am thankful i do have a lovely beautiful daughter. i thought of checking myself in the psch ward yesterday but knew i had to be strong. i am blessed with somewhat of an education, i have aloving family (my abuser was my " trusted" coach)- it is not worth it. if you do not have any of that, brother , you have us.
peace and hang man, we've got to, guy
 
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