facing weaknesses
Grrrrr
Thinking about the insidiousness of evil. How hard it is to see sometimes when it's right in your face. Of course the devil is never stupid enough to arrive with a stupid pitchfork and horns on his head.
Why do we deny deny deny
Husband grinds his teeth to nubs at night, always has nightmares of violence where he has to viciously beat someone or is in fear of a beating (there wasn't any violence in his childhood as far as I know, but sex with a child is ALWAYS a violent betrayal of their personal safety and dignity)
STILL he thinks the incest with dad and brother was "normal"
I just found this email I sent to him that makes me pretty sick. I sent it not long after I threw him out. I also left him a phone message once shortly after he was gone saying maybe we could find some kind of compromise on the pornography so he could still look at certain things....ugh, well that was before I KNEW he was charged with making an obscene phone call, that was Before I knew he was talking to his dad about sex with teenaged girls, ugh. Here's the shameful email I sent to him:
I remember we used to take walks on Davie St. there was that one store where you really liked the naughty schoolgirl costume. They were 40 or 50 bucks apiece so we passed on it, but just think - what if you just wanted to see me in knee socks & pigtails and this whole fiasco could have been avoided for 50 bucks? Wreckless angry spending and therapy bills will probably end up being 100 times more expensive.
How gross is that. I am pretty gross. I could never please him sexually anyway, no matter how hard I tried. He'd rather have his fantasies than true intimacy anyway I guess.
This morning I was dancing around the house like crazy. It feels good to be so skinny right now. I really wish I could go out dancing this weekend, but I wouldn't want to go alone and the only person I could think of who might want to go is going out of town. I haven't been dancing since I was dating my husband. I just want to sh- sh- shake it! grrrr where's the fun in life.
Thinking about the insidiousness of evil. How hard it is to see sometimes when it's right in your face. Of course the devil is never stupid enough to arrive with a stupid pitchfork and horns on his head.
Why do we deny deny deny
Husband grinds his teeth to nubs at night, always has nightmares of violence where he has to viciously beat someone or is in fear of a beating (there wasn't any violence in his childhood as far as I know, but sex with a child is ALWAYS a violent betrayal of their personal safety and dignity)
STILL he thinks the incest with dad and brother was "normal"
I just found this email I sent to him that makes me pretty sick. I sent it not long after I threw him out. I also left him a phone message once shortly after he was gone saying maybe we could find some kind of compromise on the pornography so he could still look at certain things....ugh, well that was before I KNEW he was charged with making an obscene phone call, that was Before I knew he was talking to his dad about sex with teenaged girls, ugh. Here's the shameful email I sent to him:
I remember we used to take walks on Davie St. there was that one store where you really liked the naughty schoolgirl costume. They were 40 or 50 bucks apiece so we passed on it, but just think - what if you just wanted to see me in knee socks & pigtails and this whole fiasco could have been avoided for 50 bucks? Wreckless angry spending and therapy bills will probably end up being 100 times more expensive.
How gross is that. I am pretty gross. I could never please him sexually anyway, no matter how hard I tried. He'd rather have his fantasies than true intimacy anyway I guess.
This morning I was dancing around the house like crazy. It feels good to be so skinny right now. I really wish I could go out dancing this weekend, but I wouldn't want to go alone and the only person I could think of who might want to go is going out of town. I haven't been dancing since I was dating my husband. I just want to sh- sh- shake it! grrrr where's the fun in life.