Facing into fear
HealingHope
Registrant
I’ve done a lot of work this past week, since my melt down on Monday, looking at what fuels my loss of hope and self doubt.
I’ve looked at fear, but really deeply into the face of it for me. Surrendering into that seems to go against something so deeply unconscious it’s like the most powerful magnet seems to pull me back into old patterns, which I’m trying so hard to unlearn.
For me, fear of rejection was the focus and the pain that brings, but deeper still I went, it’s within, I discovered my own hard wired belief system that I’m not worthy. Stemmed deep within my inner child from memories of rejection and judgments from my own father and neglect from my mother.
Now, I really thought I’d got to this months ago, but nope, there it was fueling my fear reactions unconsciously and old patterns. Not truly surrendering to the way of things because the feelings triggered by the time of year overwhelmed me.
The reason for this ramble is because knowing how powerful this fear magnet is within me, dragging me away from faith and surrender, I’d be so grateful to know how as survivors you have overcome this enormous survival mechanism and faced changing your situations? By that I guess I’m thinking cutting ties from abusers, even disclosure. Is there a middle ground? Can you heal without disclosure? I feel I know it’s impossible to heal amidst those who abused you. Is there a middle ground here as well?
I guess what I’m seeing is how enormous a survivors journey is again, given how quickly I plummeted last week. I see if I’m affected this way, how my survivor copes is beyond me.
I’ve looked at fear, but really deeply into the face of it for me. Surrendering into that seems to go against something so deeply unconscious it’s like the most powerful magnet seems to pull me back into old patterns, which I’m trying so hard to unlearn.
For me, fear of rejection was the focus and the pain that brings, but deeper still I went, it’s within, I discovered my own hard wired belief system that I’m not worthy. Stemmed deep within my inner child from memories of rejection and judgments from my own father and neglect from my mother.
Now, I really thought I’d got to this months ago, but nope, there it was fueling my fear reactions unconsciously and old patterns. Not truly surrendering to the way of things because the feelings triggered by the time of year overwhelmed me.
The reason for this ramble is because knowing how powerful this fear magnet is within me, dragging me away from faith and surrender, I’d be so grateful to know how as survivors you have overcome this enormous survival mechanism and faced changing your situations? By that I guess I’m thinking cutting ties from abusers, even disclosure. Is there a middle ground? Can you heal without disclosure? I feel I know it’s impossible to heal amidst those who abused you. Is there a middle ground here as well?
I guess what I’m seeing is how enormous a survivors journey is again, given how quickly I plummeted last week. I see if I’m affected this way, how my survivor copes is beyond me.
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