Eye Contact

Eye Contact
T

tservo

Registrant
Hello,

I have a question about eye contact. I remember as a young girl I used to have a hard time making eye contact with people, but as I grew older I learned it was rude not to look someone in the eye when they are talking to you.

Well, my friend has actually asked me not to "stare" at him when we talk. He thinks I am having a staring contest with him. Is this related to his CSA or could it be that he just hasn't matured enough to understand that when someone is talking with you you should look at them. Also, would it be better to not look at him or to explain that I think it's rude not to look when you are in a conversation?

Thanks for the help.
 
Hi tservo,

When in conversation people always make eye contact.During job interviews it is normal to look the interviewr in the eye, but not too stare them out.

I have noticed when people do talk to one another it is possible to get fixated and start staring without noticing it. This does make the other person uncomfortable I dont think it is related to CSA.

I dont think you should not look at him when talking, but you can make eye movement and look away for a brief moment.

I hope I have been of some help to you.

Duncan
 
i have no idea what correct eye contact is. i know you are supposed to look at people when talking to them, im not dumb, i do that. but i dont know how long you're supposed to and i dont know where to look when i'm not looking at them so that i dont seem rude. it is very uncomfortable for me.

i also dont know what you are supposed to do when you pass someone on the street or if you accidentally catch someone's eye on the bus or something. i dont know what i used to do before i wondered about it... but now i wonder and i realize i have no idea...

but, i think, shouldnt this post be in the friends and family forum?
 
Firstly, this message does not belong in this particular forum but friends and family.
If you stare at him, it is searching, and he will see it as pretty odd.

I never could look ppl in the eye, but now I can, and pretty much do it as looking for trust, and if the person is being truthful or not.

He has probably been in a situation of terror, when he will of course pick up things like staring at him.

A counsellor in anxiety management can quickly show you how to overcome this issue, it is one of the many they deal with,

ste
 
Thank you for your responses. I am going to pay attention to myself and make sure that I am not zoning out and staring. Could someone please move this post for me? I don't know how to.

Thank you.
 
For what it's worth, I just took a class in interpersonal relationships. According to the text, two to five seconds of eye contact before momentarily glancing elsewhere is usual, and then eye contact is re-established. More than five seconds can be interpreted as staring or even hostile. Less than two seconds can be interpreted as being timid, disinterested, or suspicious.
 
Ive got a paper on it somewhere, and I will post what it says, but Dwayne is pretty accurate.
A look of interest in what someone is saying rather than searching may be pretty hard.

I think a couple of seconds of eye contact with a few seconds looking at their ears can be beneficial, or thats what I remember.

The mods will remove the post,

ste
 
I love Deweys mathematical formulas but I think if I got out my stopwatch to time my eye contact during conversations it could stop the flow ;)

On the subject though, Ive found that if you are speaking with a person with eye problems e.g. cross eyed or an eye infection and you dont want to appear that you are staring at the bad eye, you can actually look at the tip of their nose. That way your eyes wont move and look at each of their eyes left to right making it obvious youre trying not to be obvious.

Looking at the tip of their nose will help you maintain a fixed gaze (without staring: note the 2 to 5 second look-away gaps) and they wont be able to discern that you are looking at their nose.
 
My wife noticed a while ago that I only look at her mouth when we talk. I wasn't even aware of it, but when I try to remember people's eyes I draw a blank. If eye contact is an issue for him, then it's an issue for him. My wife knows it's an issue for me so she's learnt to accept that I will stare at her mouth for the time being or look at the floor when we talk. When I feel comfortable I will look at her. If it's unnatural and it's a struggle it's not right yet.

Assuming he's immature may be more a reflection on you than on him, it may be your heart telling you something, it's possibly worth reflecting on.
 
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