EXTREMELY irrational behavior

[wollensak]

Kind of feeling in crisis mode at the moment but I know things will settle down as this is how things go sometimes when you live with a Male Survivor who has Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Here is the situation. My ex (whom I live with and have been supporting for some time because he can't work due to his mental health issues being so bad). Unfortunately he has been in the mental health system here for over a year and he has only gotten worse. A few weeks ago, he met a man 20 years younger than him here on this site in the chat room. After chatting on here and the phone for 2 weeks, they met in a major city and stayed together for 11 days. He got back from his trip on Sunday. I was informed yesterday (Wednesday) that he is packing a suitcase and flying across the country to be with this guy. The guy lives near Boston, nad he has been wanting to go to Boston for some time for the mental health care they have there.

This seems completely irrational and dangerous on both their parts. I am truly concerned for my ex's well being. He is not able to make rational decisions anymore. What kind of person invites someone they have known less than a month come move in with them? Aside from letting this situation play out how it will and stepping away, is there anything that can be done to stop him from getting on that plane tomorrow? Should I even try? Family and Friends are telling me to just stay out of this and let it play out. I'm just worried that something bad is going to happen too him.

 

[Esposa]

Ok... he's your ex. You support him. Any kids? If there are kids, then I see why you worry that his self destruction might have implications for the family. If there are not kids then... he is an adult and you are an adult. You do not have to be his caretaker and the most hopeless, self-esteem destroying and misery-making endeavour in the world is to try to protect someone from the consequences of their own irrational or risky behavior. Step to the side. You can be there for him if you so chose, but you can't make the decisions for him. Just my opinion... Sorry you are having to watch as he struggles.

 

[wollensak]

Thank you Esposa. I took the step and called the mental health crisis line here in town and explained the situation and they were very kind. And basically said the same thing. There isn't much that can be done and that I need to step aside and as my ex puts it "Let the universe" take care of him. There are no children involved.

 

[Esposa]

I heard a quote this morning - "Sometimes the end is a second chance." Maybe the universe is really taking care of you...

 

[wollensak]

That is what others have said too. He is so hostile and abusive and appreciates nothing I do for him. It's never enough. Part of the blame for this thing was put on me. If I understood him and gave him the support he needed he wouldn't need to go be with this other guy....

 

[Esposa]

That's called projection. Do you have a therapist? Or al-anon? This is a gift for you and when he speaks to you, imagine that you are a mirror and he is speaking to himself. You will gain much insight into what he thinks - and also keep yourself from internalizing the words and accepting his own personal pain as your own. You are about to be free and don't squander this freedom. You deserve to be happy and to caretake for only one person and that is you.

 

[Mishka95673]

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[wollensak]