Explaining Abuse to loved ones & Best Friends
I know we all have times where we just could crawl into a cave or hole or under bed sheets and just veg especially when it comes down to having to explain to a loved one or a very close friend you have not seen in many years.
I this week have had to face the unsurmountable with sharing with part of my family that never knew the details and with one of the very best friends that I have been away from for years and it has been extra tough this week and now I just feel like the first paragraph above I just want it all to go away.It is very much like a very bad nightmare and the dreams and flashbacks just keep coming and within the last couple of days I have started to I confess to my brothers here that I have been drinking in order to not try and feel anything at all but things just keep coming and I don't know quite how to stop everything I am reliving and feeling.I feel trapped and almost suspended in time when the abuse took place and I am reliving every day of it over and over again now and I sense,feel,cry,scream but yet somehow I know this must be just yet another chapter of my survival and being in the relationship I am right now is not helping at all.
I found out today that this friend of mine that I have just come back into contact with is now facing unsurmountable odds when it comes to this persons life and god I sure wish I could do something to help I feel so worthless when it comes to this situation and don't know just how to handle my very closest friend telling me that this person is now faced with 40% odds of living after finding out that this person must have a transplant of lungs and heart god why now of all times when I myself am going down hill.God why not just take me first instead of my friend this sucks and it is only forcing me to see things I just want to bury deep,deep down and just say screw it all and just let go and see what happens but god now I must face some of the worst days of my life and my friends life.God give me the strength to get through if you don't take me first instead of my friend even though I don't understand yet another possible death in my life in front of my own eyes.
Frustrated and upset,depressed and right now it seems like the only way out is to the bottle even though I know the situation will just be staring me down in the morning god forgive me and brothers forgive me and god help me.Thanks just for listening all my surviving brothers
I this week have had to face the unsurmountable with sharing with part of my family that never knew the details and with one of the very best friends that I have been away from for years and it has been extra tough this week and now I just feel like the first paragraph above I just want it all to go away.It is very much like a very bad nightmare and the dreams and flashbacks just keep coming and within the last couple of days I have started to I confess to my brothers here that I have been drinking in order to not try and feel anything at all but things just keep coming and I don't know quite how to stop everything I am reliving and feeling.I feel trapped and almost suspended in time when the abuse took place and I am reliving every day of it over and over again now and I sense,feel,cry,scream but yet somehow I know this must be just yet another chapter of my survival and being in the relationship I am right now is not helping at all.
I found out today that this friend of mine that I have just come back into contact with is now facing unsurmountable odds when it comes to this persons life and god I sure wish I could do something to help I feel so worthless when it comes to this situation and don't know just how to handle my very closest friend telling me that this person is now faced with 40% odds of living after finding out that this person must have a transplant of lungs and heart god why now of all times when I myself am going down hill.God why not just take me first instead of my friend this sucks and it is only forcing me to see things I just want to bury deep,deep down and just say screw it all and just let go and see what happens but god now I must face some of the worst days of my life and my friends life.God give me the strength to get through if you don't take me first instead of my friend even though I don't understand yet another possible death in my life in front of my own eyes.
Frustrated and upset,depressed and right now it seems like the only way out is to the bottle even though I know the situation will just be staring me down in the morning god forgive me and brothers forgive me and god help me.Thanks just for listening all my surviving brothers